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PTSD Because of My Child?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 40 Replies

A few months ago, my 7 year old (Az) had an incident (after being put on a strong antipsychotic) where she grabbed a knife and tried to cut her throat (she is autistic with psychosis and it was during a major meltdown). When I tried to get it from her she attempted to stab me. My 9  year old (Kay) and at the time 7 month old (Zay) were downstairs at the time. My 9 year old saw her with the knife and saw her try to stab me. I yelled to Kay to pick up Zay and bring him upstairs. I told her to take Zay and her other sister (who was already upstairs) Zaj into my room and close the door (the doors don't have locks on them). So fast forward a bit, my SO got home and took over the restraining for me so I could run up and check on the kids (it'd been about 15 minutes of them by themselves). When I got up there, I opened my bedroom door to find Kay blocking Zaj and Zay with her body with this look of terror on her face. She looked like she was trying so hard not to cry, to stay strong for Zaj and Zay. When she saw me the tears just spilled over. She told me that she heard someone coming down the hallway but didn't know if it was Az coming. She said she thought that maybe Az killed me and was coming upstairs to kill them. She told me that she wasn't going to let Az hurt Zaj or Zay and that's why she had them behind her. My Kay was using her body to protect her younger siblings :'(. 

So fast forward some more, It's 5 months later. Everyone seems to have gotten over the incident...except for me. I'm fine most of the time but when Az starts getting upset, her with a knife pops into my head. Kay's face...that look of pure terror on her face....what she had to do to protect her sibling...it plagues me. Her face terrorizes me in my dreams...while I'm awake. That look...omg it breaks my heart. I can't get past it. I think Kay's ability to keep calm and stay brave, then the look on her face when she realized it was me not Az who came upstairs...her collapsing into my arms in relief...that effect me more than the incident with Az and the knife. I honestly think I may have PTSD...but not from the knife...from my Kay's look. Her terror has scarred me. I'm crying as I type this because I can't get that look on her face out of my head. 

I am not angry with Az for what she did. It wasn't her. It was the Zyprexa. It put her into full blown psychosis. It wasn't her fault. I don't trust her now though. I can't trust her. If she grabbed a knife before she may do it again. Kay doesn't seem like she is still affected by the incident but...idk. She going to start therapy this summer just in case.

I just can't get it out of my head. Could I have PTSD? How do I get these images to stop plaguing me?

Posted by Anonymous on May. 24, 2013 at 9:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Mommyof1_2013
by on May. 24, 2013 at 9:52 AM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like you do have PTSD, I would talk to a therapist also. I hope everything got sorted out with your DD and her medicine so that doesn't happen again.
Anastacia1988
by on May. 24, 2013 at 9:57 AM
Sounds like PTSD you should see a dr ... Maybe safety proof your house? With locks on certain things just to try for peace of mind
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 10:26 AM

I took DD off the medication myself after that incident because her psychiatrist wouldn't see her for another month. It got DCF called on me because I was being "medically negligent". That kind of makes me afraid to admit to a therapist or anyone else how affected by the incident I was. What if they accuse me of not being able to handle DD7 or something?

Her psychiatrist has since changed her medication to Abilify and she's doing well on it. She still has outburst but it's mostly screaming. I haven't had to restrain her since February (though the school has a few times).


Quoting Mommyof1_2013:

Sounds like you do have PTSD, I would talk to a therapist also. I hope everything got sorted out with your DD and her medicine so that doesn't happen again.



cfcf
by Platinum Member on May. 24, 2013 at 10:26 AM
There are several forms if PTSD and diagnosis that are similar. I wouldn't say that this would be the same form of PTSD that victims of a crime, or combat vets face but it is worth speaking to a dr. About.

There is a normal stress response that you usually go through after a stressful/traumatic event. You are usually able to work through this on your own and it goes away after a few weeks.

Given the amount of time you have "dwelled" in this event you may be experience anxiety and/or situational/reactive depression.

Either way, talk to someone about it.
Nickie76
by Silver Member on May. 24, 2013 at 10:29 AM

There is a show on Discovery Health, it's about a little girl who has similar issues. I'll find the link and maybe you can try some of the adaptations this family has tried...

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 10:30 AM

We safety proofed the house after that. Anything that can be used to hurt someone (knives, forks, pizza cutter, can opener etc) is in a locked cabinet. After that incident, I took Az off the meds myself. It got DCF called on me for medical neglect. I tried to explain how violent the meds made Az and that the psychiatrist wouldn't see her for another month so I had to do what I felt was necessary. The report was "fouded" and I was warned not to do it again. It makes me afraid to talk to anyone about how I feel because I worry they will call DCF on me again and say I can't handle Az. She's doing so much better now with her new meds (Abilify). She still has issues and outbursts but not nearly as bad as it had gotten on Zyprexa. I guess I just don't know what to do.


Quoting Anastacia1988:

Sounds like PTSD you should see a dr ... Maybe safety proof your house? With locks on certain things just to try for peace of mind



Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 24, 2013 at 10:43 AM
1 mom liked this
People with disabilities so severe that they are a risk to themselves and others should be in a mental institution.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 24, 2013 at 10:50 AM
2 moms liked this

People who throw in the towel, when it comes to a child, before trying EVERYTHING humanly possible to get them help, should be in a mental institution.

You strike me as that type.

Get evaluated.


Quoting Anonymous:

People with disabilities so severe that they are a risk to themselves and others should be in a mental institution.



Anastacia1988
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:50 AM
Sounds like my sister who has Aspergers . She's doing a lot better but will have random outbursts like this but as soon as it starts they just call the police or some service called "crisis" and she can get assessed and taken to the psych hospital . She also does the self mutilation and threats and stuff . Since she was little they have changed her meds a billion times .... I think abilify helped her for a few years though but she gets used to meds and has to switch and she has major issues when there's change in her life :/ stay strong mamma


Quoting Anonymous:

We safety proofed the house after that. Anything that can be used to hurt someone (knives, forks, pizza cutter, can opener etc) is in a locked cabinet. After that incident, I took Az off the meds myself. It got DCF called on me for medical neglect. I tried to explain how violent the meds made Az and that the psychiatrist wouldn't see her for another month so I had to do what I felt was necessary. The report was "fouded" and I was warned not to do it again. It makes me afraid to talk to anyone about how I feel because I worry they will call DCF on me again and say I can't handle Az. She's doing so much better now with her new meds (Abilify). She still has issues and outbursts but not nearly as bad as it had gotten on Zyprexa. I guess I just don't know what to do.



Quoting Anastacia1988:

Sounds like PTSD you should see a dr ... Maybe safety proof your house? With locks on certain things just to try for peace of mind





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