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The 'Other Woman' Contacted Me & Told Me Everything I Needed to Know About My Ex

Posted by on May. 24, 2013 at 9:51 AM
  • 138 Replies
3 moms liked this

The 'Other Woman' Contacted Me & Told Me Everything I Needed to Know About My Ex

by The Stir Bloggers 

Facebook messageHere is a loaded statement: I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a liar and a cheater. We broke up back in March, before I knew about the cheating. I won't deny it: I most definitely have flaws that I'm sure contributed to our ultimate demise. Regardless, I was so overly sick of crying. I was sick of feeling unappreciated. I wasn't the confident woman he fell for back in September. Her spirit had been crushed. We both needed out.

A couple weeks ago, he tried to win me back.

He made us a reservation. He told me he changed. He loved me. Gorgeous. Confident. He would never hurt me again. This was a forever kind of thing. It was hard to take him seriously considering our past. At the time, I wasn't exactly sure how I felt.

You know who was sure? His girlfriend. As in, current one. Nine days after our Thursday night rendezvous, she messaged me to tell me that she looked through his phone, saw him trying to win me back, and that I should know the truth.



I felt like I was in a movie. My stomach dropped. My heart sank. My jaw felt tense and I felt instantaneously nauseated. Sure, I had seen her name before. Heck, I knew who she was. That Thursday night when we met up, he told me that, yes, they had "slept together once but nothing was going on there." He told me she was just a friend. He told me that she wasn't me.

But there she was, her name, on my phone.

He told her that he had been completely over me since we broke up in February (lie). I was insane (debatable, but no). He kept me in his life because I was unstable and I needed him (eesh). He told her that she was who he wanted to be with, that he needed her in his life, that she was also gorgeous (for my future boyfriend, maybe try calling me beautiful instead). Oh, and about our Thursday night rendezvous? According to him, we met to "clear the air" and remain friends. Heck, at least he told her he was seeing me.

She ended things with him earlier that morning before messaging me, after seeing a conversation between him and me. Of course -- there's plenty more to the story, but I won't bore you with the lengthy details. The disgusting details. This isn't a Lifetime movie, after all. 

The harsh truth: Being contacted by the other woman is scary. Is everything she told me the truth? Who knows. I believe it to be. She came off as genuinely nice, caring, and at the end of the day I appreciate her reaching out. Did I cry? For a few minutes, sure. At the same time, though, my semi-John Tucker Must Die encounter was amazing. It helped me put my past behind me. It helped me walk away from a dangerous situation for both my heart and my health. My stress and heavy conscience about a love gone wrong were washed away, and for the first time in a long time, I feel truly happy knowing I'm rid of such negative energy in my life.

Last night I got off the subway in Brooklyn, headed to cocktails for a friend's birthday. As the warm air kissed my cheeks, I cranked up my music and felt a renewed sense of self. Confidence. As I walked down the street, I realized she was back. Back, smiling, and ready.

Have you ever been in a similar situation? Do you have any "other woman" stories of your own?

by on May. 24, 2013 at 9:51 AM
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by Gold Member on May. 24, 2013 at 10:11 AM
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yes, unfortunately. i remember when i found out that it was  ME that was the other woman. I had been in a long term relationship and i broke off. just wasnt going anywhere. so i got out and started dating again. the guy worked at a store, i had to return something, we talked for an extended period of time. he asked me out to eat, etc. We had a fine time. He told me he was divorced, they just got married too young. I was hanging out at work with him one night and she came in. He excused himself, went and talked to her, came back and kinda rolled his eyes as she left and said it was just the same old stuff about finalizing the divorce. being naive about it, i believed him. 

we ended up only dating for a couple months. just a rebound kind of thing. but we stayed friends. One night i got a call from his cell phone. not strange. i picked it up and said, "hey! whats up!" 

you can imagine my surprise when a female voice answered, "you can hang up on me if you want. i just have some questions."

"who is this?"

"i'm serious. you can hang up on me if you want."

"well, i AM going to hang up on you if you dont tell me who this is?"

"this is _______. _______'s wife."

"you mean EX wife?"

"no. we have never been divorced. is that what he is telling people?"

i felt the most horrible moment of total guilt and rage. so i told her, "ask me anything you want." and proceeded to talk for the next half hour. turned out he had forgot his phone, she went through it, saw my name and old texts. they had never even discussed divorce. had an apartment together. etc. she also asked about a voicemail with me saying, "i love you." and i told her that i had absolutely not ever told him that i loved him. she broke down into tears sobbing, "you mean there are others?". i told her that i would have no contact with him again, if she needed any help or a written affidavit for court to just let me know, and offered to meet her in person. She declined, but thanked me. 

i felt like total shit. it STILL makes me feel crappy, even though i had no idea. 

Proud mom of an ornery 4.5 year old boy, a very smart 7.5 year old girl! Married for 5.5, together for 8 years! Fun loving, open-minded, eco-friendly, creative,friendly, different strokes work for different folks, lady! I stay at home, work at home, love it all!

by Ruby Member on May. 24, 2013 at 10:13 AM

no,  i dont date sleeze bags. 

by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:18 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't but I enjoyed reading that. If I ever was the other woman, I would want to know too and man - that guy would be so sorry he did that. 

by Anonymous 1 on May. 24, 2013 at 10:21 AM
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Yes, my DH other woman contacted me to tell me my DH was going to be leaving me, and she would be living in my house, raising my sons, and living my life.  She got a very rude awaking when none of that happened, yes I know all about his girlfriend(s), she was not the first or the last.  I can but I will not leave my DH, nor will he leave me, our pre-nup will not allow it without him losing and it is ironclad with a cheating codicil. I know and have heard all the whispers about our relationship behind my back, I have way too much invested in our marriage to walk away.

I applaud your new found CONFIDENCE and in some way admire you.  Our situations are totally different, and I have chosen  my own path on my own freewill, be it for selfish reasons, but it is what I choose.

by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:23 AM
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 I ended up becomong friends with the "other women" so that our kids would know each other. yup, he got her preg and left  shortly after to another woman just like he did to me. I was older and so I put my anger aside saying my daughter has a brother or sister coming and they should know eachother and not be punished because he cant keep it in his pants. she laughed and agreed and we have become very good friends. now when we go home to visit this up coming weekend (june 1st) we will be staying with her so that my daughter can spend time with her sister.

by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:24 AM

You go girl. Can't change what's already happened, lesson learned and you seem to have come out of it better for it. Stay focused on you and don't worry about the rest it will fall into place all on its own. You can't truly love someone else until you love and respect yourself!!!!! Your on the right path. you rock

by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:29 AM
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My ex decided after 3 years of a relationship gone volatile, that we needed "a break". He left me waiting at home, while he went to another city to stay with his dad to "figure things out" for almost two months. In the meantime, he said he "stumbled" across someone he knew from highschool and they were "just friends"/ Well, his mom quickly let me know that he's been spending a lot of time with this friend....and when i questioned him about it, we got into a huge argument and he admitted that he's been seeing her. But THEN goes on to tell me that when he "left" it was over. There was no coming back.

Um, yeah, ...not what we agreed on but besides the point. I am happier without him. It just sucks how it happened. He's still with her. Good for them.

One day he'll do the same to her. It's not the first time, apparantly.

by BEXi on May. 24, 2013 at 10:31 AM

Oh boy.. no I havent. I had to pry the details out of her, and even then I still dont know which were lies and which werent. I dont care anymore though.

by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:35 AM
Yes, I was the other woman at one point.
After 8 years we are still together and I get a long fabulously with his ex and bm. We are all good friends, but it wasn't always this way lol
by Platinum Member on May. 24, 2013 at 10:39 AM
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When my son was about 6 months old, I had an inkling feeling. I checked my SO's chat logs, and noticed him telling a girl "I love you". Now, that's not at all unusual with our friends, and wouldn't normally be a problem. The problem was, I'd never heard of this girl. You'd think, having that close of a "friendship", that I'd have at least heard of her?

So I found her on facebook and sent her a message. I was nice, she was nice. I mean, HE was the asshole. She knew nothing about it. She's a really sweet girl, we both apologised profusely to eachother (Not thinking we were at fault, just feeling REALLY bad). I hope she's found someone to maake her happy.

I talked with him and agreed to work things out. It worked for almost a year, and then we broke up due to other things- mainly him turning into an abusive asshole. He randomly contacted her to apologise, two years after it happened. From what I know, she tore him a new one. Good.

I only wish I didn't have a kid with him so I could wash my hands of him completely... 

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