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Do you ever have those moments

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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When you feel down about life but mostly down about yourself? Whether you feel insecure, or disappointed, ashamed, or not loved?

I do! Too often, I think. In fact, I'm stuck in a huge funk and can't seem to find a way out. I'm extremely disappointed in myself for not making better decisions. I'm 22, with a 2 1/2 yr old, and one on the way. I'm married to someone who tries hard to get somewhere in life but really, not hard enough. We've lived with my MIL going on 5 yrs now. I feel so unsuccessful and worthless, insecure about my self. I feel so tiny.. Sometimes I wonder why I'm here. What is my purpose?
I want to go to college to attain a degree but I don't feel smart enough or confident in myself. I'm scared I will fail myself but most importantly, my family!
I had so much motivation and drive at one point. It all disappeared when I decided to move in with my DH and became "too comfortable" I hate admitting it but its the truth. I always made up some dumb excuse as to why I "couldn't" get into school.... But I know I could've tried harder. I could've had more drive to achieve my goal. I don't even think going to school was a goal at that point.. It was something that I knew had to be done and was the right thing to do but I didn't want it bad enough.
Now, I'm here. 22 with absolutely no success other than the fact that I graduated high school and made two babies. Compared to others my age, I've done NOTHING!!!
I DO plan on going to school next year after this one is born. It is my #1 goal and priority, now that I see how hard it is,... And also, because I hate feeling this way about myself. So worthless and so unaccomplished. I'm afraid that I won't make it and I'm afraid that I'll feel like a fool sitting in a classroom full of kids younger than myself who are alot smarter. But I'm hoping ill push on through.. No matter what.

As far as my DH goes, all I can do is continue to encourage him to finish his degree and to find a better paying job. 9/hr isn't cutting it. I want to give my kids the world! Of course they wont lack in the love and attention department., its the security and always knowing that they will never go without that I want for them! As a kid I saw how badly my mom struggled with us..
We wore old clothes that never matched, had holes, and that didnt fit. We were picked on & made fun of a daily basis. What I hated the most was coming home from a long day of school and not knowing if we were going to eat or not..
That was the worst!! I don't want my kids to have that life.

I know I may seem like a huge cry baby... And a complainer but Its been such a huge issue for me and it feels good to finally get it out. Thanks for taking time to read this.
Posted by Anonymous on May. 24, 2013 at 1:27 PM
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