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Why Would You Make That Assumption

Posted by on May. 24, 2013 at 9:58 PM
  • 35 Replies

I have three kids: A step daughter, who is almost eight, a biological daughter, who is almost five, and an adopted daughter who is 18 months, and I am 8 weeks pregnant. I am only 23, only roughly 15 years older than my stepdaughter. I got off of work and picked up my kids from my mother's house. My sister-in-law is sick so my mother had her two boys too. My SIL is Italian and has dark skin, dark hair, and dark brown eyes. Both of her boys look like her so, when my brother takes them off, people think they are biracial. I told my mom I was going to WalMart after I picked the kids up. My two little nephews (3 and 5) asked to go because they were sick of being in the house. My little sister, who is nine, also asked to go as well (because every mommy knows how much fun it is to take six kids to the grocery store).

I took all of them with me to the McDonalds inside the store to grab a drink for me and the kids. While I sat down let the kids drink their drinks, this woman was sitting with her friend nearby, watching us. They told me that I had beautiful kids and I didn’t feel like explaining that they weren’t all mine so I just said thank you. During this, my little sister started asking about the baby in my belly (which I tried to discourage because I was waiting until our family gathering to announce my pregnancy to my siblings but my parents and in laws already know. My kids know but I don’t want my nephews to know just yet. My little sister already knew because she heard my parents talking about it). We were sitting and drinking our drinks and these two women were talking about us. I think that they were trying not to be heard but I could clearly hear them over the kids.

“How old do you think that girl is?”

“22 maybe 23. She can’t be any older than 24. I don’t know how she can excuse having all of those kids at such a young age.”

“I know. That older girl looks about nine or ten. She would have had to be, what do you think, 12 or 13 when she had her? You know Mary, my oldest, is only 14. I can’t imagine her being a mother at that age.”

“And they all look nothing alike. I bet they have different fathers. Oh, and those two little boys look biracial! She had sex with a black man? How does a pretty young girl like her go so wrong? And she is pregnant! I bet she’s not even married.”

“She’s probably on welfare…getting food stamps…That’s why they have so many kids, you know…so they can get more money. I can barely support my own kids but my tax dollars are going to support hers. Why can’t she go to the Health Department? Hasn’t she ever heard of birth control? I would rather my tax dollars go to keeping her from getting pregnant then to support her kids.”

“I know. This is why America is going down the drain. I feel sorry for her kids. They just need Jesus. How long before that older one starts having kids? I just hope someone at DFACS gets a clue and takes her children from her before that older child turns into a slut and ruins her life like her mother has. It’s only a matter of time, I guess. It’s tragic that those kids don’t have a better example to live by.”

“It is tragic. She is such a pretty girl and they are such pretty kids. They deserve so much better.”

By this point, I was nearly shaking I was so angry but I was determined not to say anything until I saw my sister was upset because of what they said about her. She was near tears and I may let them insult me but I am sure as hell not going to let them talk about a child like that, especially if it is not true. I told the kids to go throw away the trash and I turned to the two women, determined to be as nice as I could be. “I want to clear a few things up, while you two are over here gabbing, not that it is any of your business. First of all, these children are not all mine. The two boys are my nephews and the older girl is my sister. The little brunette is my stepdaughter and the youngest is adopted. The red head is the only one I have given birth to. Second of all, I am married. Third, I do know what birth control is and was using it correctly when I got pregnant. I do have Jesus. Do you? Did you read that little snippet in the bible about how God is the only one that has the right to judge because I did? I am not getting welfare or food stamps. My husband and I work very hard to support our children and even if we didn’t, it is none of your business. How dare you talk about me and these kids that way? I don’t have to excuse myself to you. The reason that America is going down the drain isn’t because of hard working mothers like me. It’s because of judgmental heartless gossips like you.” “I hope that you don’t think we wanted to offend you-” “No, I don’t think you intended to offend us. I think you intended for your conversation to remain between the two of you. The fact remains, however, that I am going to have to explain to my crying sister that she is not a slut and that no one has ruined her life. I only defend myself because I want you to think twice before you say horrible things about another family, one that may not be as nice as I am. You don’t know anything about me so who are you to judge me?”

I know that I maybe should have just ignored them and that their opinion doesn’t matter but I can’t help it. I can’t stand for people to talk about these kids. How can someone be so judgmental and say such things about a child. What do you think when you see a woman walking around with a bunch of children?

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by on May. 24, 2013 at 9:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 1 on May. 24, 2013 at 10:04 PM
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:04 PM

They were jerks and I think you handled it well. When I see a big family, I just get jealous lol

by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:05 PM
1 mom liked this

 when i see a woman with a bunch of kids, my first thought is - i hope to god her husband helps out as much as mine does, i know i could never do it with out him!

by Anonymous 2 on May. 24, 2013 at 10:07 PM
by Silver Member on May. 24, 2013 at 10:07 PM

I think you reacted just right. You did those ladies a huge favor by showing them who they really are.

I don't ever think anything honestly...i am so lost in my own world that i really don't even pay attention to anyone else when I am out. I would never, ever make assumptions like those....ever...

If i was forced to pay attention to a woman with 6 kids along side her, i would probably think "that lady is brave for going to the store with 6 kids"

by Emerald Member on May. 24, 2013 at 10:08 PM
I do find believe you. What a detailed account of a conversation between people that weren't even taking to you. Not to mention that just happened to mention every stereotype about young mothers.
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:09 PM
No I'm glad you said something. Stupid bitches!!!
by BEXi on May. 24, 2013 at 10:10 PM

you rock

by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:10 PM
Seeing as i frequently cover for other moms since our husbands are away i usually just try to help of i can. i know that large amounts of kids with one adult arent always their own. Im sorry they were buttheads. People dont always think before speaking.
by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:10 PM

 I seriously don't get comments like that.

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