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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Am I being unreasonable?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

MIL is 66 years old and has basically no money. She has a car and a couple thousand to her name but that is it. She doesn't work. She is usually well enough to but she does get sick often and has to call off work and ends up getting fired and at her age, it is very hard to find a place that will hire her. She gets SS but it's not nearly enough for her to live on (even in the apartment she was in) and her and FIL (who died 2 years ago) had no savings.

There was nothing else to do, we had her move in with us 3 months ago. She doesn't have to work and the SS she gets is for her. She uses that for her car insurance, gas, personal spending and health care costs. Most of her money goes to health care costs. The only thing we asked was that she do the house work (minus the upstairs vacuuming because she can't get the vacuum up the stairs easily, our laundry and the cooking, she sucks at cooking). She is also not expected to clean the kids rooms or pick up after the kids, if they leave stuff laying around, they are to pick it up. So basically that leaves the sweeping, moping, dishes (we have a dish washer) and basic kitchen clean up, vacuuming downstairs, dusting the living room and cleaning the 3 bathrooms, one is a half bath (not including mine and dh's, we don't expect her to clean those).

She never does any of it. I come home and she has done maybe one or two things. I look on the nextlix instant history and it will show 6 or 7 hours worth of shows watched. We have 5 kids and us and MIL in a 5 bedroom home. This means that 4  of our 5 of our kids share a room, before MIL moved in, only the youngest 2 shared. Our income didn't go up because she has moved in so we are defiantly having to budget better. Seeing how much we are all doing for her, isn't it reasonable that she does the housework?

She says that beause I don't work, there is no reason why I can't do some of the house. First of all, I do, I do all the laundry (including hers)that's laundry for 8 people. all the cooking, the vacuming upstairs and all the grocery shoping. Plus because her living here has raised our bills (grocery, water, and electricity) by over $300 a month, I have to spend even more time doing things to save money (shopping several different stores for sales, cutting coupons. 

Am I being unreasonable?

Posted by Anonymous on May. 25, 2013 at 5:03 PM
Replies (11-20):
PhoenixV
by on May. 25, 2013 at 5:12 PM
1 mom liked this
This. Just because she is a relative doesn't erase her expenses. If it were the other way around she would expect you to contribute.


Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

No you arent. I would let her know that she needs to start pulling her weight or we will have to find other living arrangements.

happykitty316
by Platinum Member on May. 25, 2013 at 5:12 PM

No you're not unreasonable.  She lives there too, she should contribute something.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 25, 2013 at 5:12 PM

You are right, it is my house and she is living in it rent free (she literally pays NOTHING, not electricity, internet, water, groceries, nothing) so the way she is supposed to help around the house it to do the housework as we agreed. She is not that old, she is 66,  many 66 year olds work and most have savings for when they no longer can. Please explain to me why she should live off of us for free and not do anything. This is the arrangement we agreed upon, if she didn't like it she could have figured out somewhere else to live.



Quoting Anonymous:

Its your house. You should clean it. She is old. She should keep her own room and bathroom she uses clean. As well as do her laundry. Other than that I dont see how she is responsible for cleaning your home. Esp as you dont work. Pls explain why she should now be your maid.



GOBryan
by on May. 25, 2013 at 5:13 PM

No. You are not being unreasonable. If she can't pitch in financially then it's only fair that she help with the housework and even the kids from time to time. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on May. 25, 2013 at 5:13 PM

She should never have been expected to be your maid, she should be charged a reasonable amount of rent.

IndigoRose
by on May. 25, 2013 at 5:14 PM

Nope.  You're not being unreasonable.  You are asking her if she will help with the work that it takes to have a big house and a household full of people.  

You rescued her, are providing a place for her to live, and she gets to see her family every day.  She should do her share of the work.  The End.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 25, 2013 at 5:15 PM

As I said, most of the time, she is fine, it's just that when she gets sick, which is more frequently then the average person, she would call out of work and end up getting fired. She is well enough to go shopping and to lunch with her friends. I would never expect my kids to take me in and not do anything to help, neither would my mother (of course my mother is planning for her retirement, not just assuming she will get to move in with us.



Quoting Anonymous:

Wow so you have babsically taken your MIL who obviously has health issues in as your live inmaid??  WOW you are being extremely unreasonable and just plain hateful.  I hope for your sake your children don't remeber this so when your older and need help they don't treat you the same way.  Would you be acting this way if it was your mother and not MIL?  I doubt it.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 25, 2013 at 5:16 PM
She is your mil. What will you do? Throw her on the street. You said her health is not that great. Yes many 66 yr olds can do it but if she cant work do to health should she clean after a family of 8? Its your house. Who use to clean it? You right? Now you want to use your mil to do it? Why? Get lazy?

Quoting Anonymous:

You are right, it is my house and she is living in it rent free (she literally pays NOTHING, not electricity, internet, water, groceries, nothing) so the way she is supposed to help around the house it to do the housework as we agreed. She is not that old, she is 66,  many 66 year olds work and most have savings for when they no longer can. Please explain to me why she should live off of us for free and not do anything. This is the arrangement we agreed upon, if she didn't like it she could have figured out somewhere else to live.




Quoting Anonymous:

Its your house. You should clean it. She is old. She should keep her own room and bathroom she uses clean. As well as do her laundry. Other than that I dont see how she is responsible for cleaning your home. Esp as you dont work. Pls explain why she should now be your maid.




LeahJ
by Gold Member on May. 25, 2013 at 5:17 PM
No, you're not being even a little bit unreasonable and she should be thanking her lucky stars to have you and going out of her way to make it easier to have her live there. Damn. I'm so sorry, momma. thank god my mil has enough money that we can just put her in a home when she cant live alone anymore because I could not do it, no way,no how.
LeahJ
by Gold Member on May. 25, 2013 at 5:18 PM
2 moms liked this
And why should the mil get a free maid service, cooking, clean, room and board because she did a piss poor job planning for her own retirement?

Quoting Anonymous:

She is your mil. What will you do? Throw her on the street. You said her health is not that great. Yes many 66 yr olds can do it but if she cant work do to health should she clean after a family of 8? Its your house. Who use to clean it? You right? Now you want to use your mil to do it? Why? Get lazy?



Quoting Anonymous:

You are right, it is my house and she is living in it rent free (she literally pays NOTHING, not electricity, internet, water, groceries, nothing) so the way she is supposed to help around the house it to do the housework as we agreed. She is not that old, she is 66,  many 66 year olds work and most have savings for when they no longer can. Please explain to me why she should live off of us for free and not do anything. This is the arrangement we agreed upon, if she didn't like it she could have figured out somewhere else to live.





Quoting Anonymous:

Its your house. You should clean it. She is old. She should keep her own room and bathroom she uses clean. As well as do her laundry. Other than that I dont see how she is responsible for cleaning your home. Esp as you dont work. Pls explain why she should now be your maid.





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