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Am I being unreasonable?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

MIL is 66 years old and has basically no money. She has a car and a couple thousand to her name but that is it. She doesn't work. She is usually well enough to but she does get sick often and has to call off work and ends up getting fired and at her age, it is very hard to find a place that will hire her. She gets SS but it's not nearly enough for her to live on (even in the apartment she was in) and her and FIL (who died 2 years ago) had no savings.

There was nothing else to do, we had her move in with us 3 months ago. She doesn't have to work and the SS she gets is for her. She uses that for her car insurance, gas, personal spending and health care costs. Most of her money goes to health care costs. The only thing we asked was that she do the house work (minus the upstairs vacuuming because she can't get the vacuum up the stairs easily, our laundry and the cooking, she sucks at cooking). She is also not expected to clean the kids rooms or pick up after the kids, if they leave stuff laying around, they are to pick it up. So basically that leaves the sweeping, moping, dishes (we have a dish washer) and basic kitchen clean up, vacuuming downstairs, dusting the living room and cleaning the 3 bathrooms, one is a half bath (not including mine and dh's, we don't expect her to clean those).

She never does any of it. I come home and she has done maybe one or two things. I look on the nextlix instant history and it will show 6 or 7 hours worth of shows watched. We have 5 kids and us and MIL in a 5 bedroom home. This means that 4  of our 5 of our kids share a room, before MIL moved in, only the youngest 2 shared. Our income didn't go up because she has moved in so we are defiantly having to budget better. Seeing how much we are all doing for her, isn't it reasonable that she does the housework?

She says that beause I don't work, there is no reason why I can't do some of the house. First of all, I do, I do all the laundry (including hers)that's laundry for 8 people. all the cooking, the vacuming upstairs and all the grocery shoping. Plus because her living here has raised our bills (grocery, water, and electricity) by over $300 a month, I have to spend even more time doing things to save money (shopping several different stores for sales, cutting coupons. 

Am I being unreasonable?

Posted by Anonymous on May. 25, 2013 at 5:03 PM
Replies (181-181):
Val99
by Ruby Member on May. 26, 2013 at 8:44 AM

I think I look at this as an older person myself, since my children are in their 30's and I have a 16 year old grand daughter.  Yes, I would expect grandma to help in the household and not just be a drain on the family.  I would expect that of myself and others if they are living in the household.  Doing dishes with a dishwasher is not a taxing effort.  People who have serious illnesses take care of that chore, and if she is so sick that she can't even do that she should be taken to an assisted living facility.

Quoting Anonymous:

But op clearly states her mil has health issues. Would you want your mom cleaning up after 8 ppl while having health problems? If so you are no better than op. Mil or noy she should show her some damn respect.

Quoting Val99:

66 is not "old" anymore.  She is almost a quarter of a century below the average life expectancy for a woman.  Believe me, as you age the less "old" it seems.   She needs to shape up or ship out.

Quoting Anonymous:

Its your house. You should clean it. She is old. She should keep her own room and bathroom she uses clean. As well as do her laundry. Other than that I dont see how she is responsible for cleaning your home. Esp as you dont work. Pls explain why she should now be your maid.



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