Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Am I being unreasonable?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

MIL is 66 years old and has basically no money. She has a car and a couple thousand to her name but that is it. She doesn't work. She is usually well enough to but she does get sick often and has to call off work and ends up getting fired and at her age, it is very hard to find a place that will hire her. She gets SS but it's not nearly enough for her to live on (even in the apartment she was in) and her and FIL (who died 2 years ago) had no savings.

There was nothing else to do, we had her move in with us 3 months ago. She doesn't have to work and the SS she gets is for her. She uses that for her car insurance, gas, personal spending and health care costs. Most of her money goes to health care costs. The only thing we asked was that she do the house work (minus the upstairs vacuuming because she can't get the vacuum up the stairs easily, our laundry and the cooking, she sucks at cooking). She is also not expected to clean the kids rooms or pick up after the kids, if they leave stuff laying around, they are to pick it up. So basically that leaves the sweeping, moping, dishes (we have a dish washer) and basic kitchen clean up, vacuuming downstairs, dusting the living room and cleaning the 3 bathrooms, one is a half bath (not including mine and dh's, we don't expect her to clean those).

She never does any of it. I come home and she has done maybe one or two things. I look on the nextlix instant history and it will show 6 or 7 hours worth of shows watched. We have 5 kids and us and MIL in a 5 bedroom home. This means that 4  of our 5 of our kids share a room, before MIL moved in, only the youngest 2 shared. Our income didn't go up because she has moved in so we are defiantly having to budget better. Seeing how much we are all doing for her, isn't it reasonable that she does the housework?

She says that beause I don't work, there is no reason why I can't do some of the house. First of all, I do, I do all the laundry (including hers)that's laundry for 8 people. all the cooking, the vacuming upstairs and all the grocery shoping. Plus because her living here has raised our bills (grocery, water, and electricity) by over $300 a month, I have to spend even more time doing things to save money (shopping several different stores for sales, cutting coupons. 

Am I being unreasonable?

Posted by Anonymous on May. 25, 2013 at 5:03 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 25, 2013 at 5:19 PM

Well thats great that you are PLANNING for whatever but many great plans fail and life happens.  I think your being HORRIBLE to her.  While I would NEVER expect my children to take me in I know that if for some reason I needed them they would be there( and not use me as slave labor)  as I would be for them or any other member of my immediate family.  She is 66 and your begrudging her shopping and lunch with friends?  Are you kidding me?  You sound very hateful towards her.

Quoting Anonymous:

As I said, most of the time, she is fine, it's just that when she gets sick, which is more frequently then the average person, she would call out of work and end up getting fired. She is well enough to go shopping and to lunch with her friends. I would never expect my kids to take me in and not do anything to help, neither would my mother (of course my mother is planning for her retirement, not just assuming she will get to move in with us.



Quoting Anonymous:

Wow so you have babsically taken your MIL who obviously has health issues in as your live inmaid??  WOW you are being extremely unreasonable and just plain hateful.  I hope for your sake your children don't remeber this so when your older and need help they don't treat you the same way.  Would you be acting this way if it was your mother and not MIL?  I doubt it.




Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 25, 2013 at 5:19 PM

I said over $300 a month and that's with me going to extremes to save money of our grocery bill. But that's not all it costs us. It costs 2 of our kids their own rooms, it costs us the privacy of not having someone living with us, it's not all about money. Plus, she isn't even expected to do all the housework, it windes up being just over half (and of course that doesn't include the out door stuff). It is not to our benift. If she could live on her own, we would not have offered, the only reason we did is because she had nowhere.



Quoting erinsmom1964:

PLEASE show me where you can get a live in maid for just 300 bucks a month??  I WANT ONE!!



Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 25, 2013 at 5:19 PM

Yes, you are. At her age, she has done her time taking care of houses and kids. Having some expectations of her is fine, but what you expect from her right now is a bit much. Have some compassion - it could pay off later.

MomAmy77
by on May. 25, 2013 at 5:20 PM

I don't think so but I also think you should lighten her work and charge her rent 

sandra_t00
by ChaChi on May. 25, 2013 at 5:21 PM
1 mom liked this
This.

Make her pay bills if it bothers you that much

Ot have her move.out


Quoting Anonymous:

Its your house. You should clean it. She is old. She should keep her own room and bathroom she uses clean. As well as do her laundry. Other than that I dont see how she is responsible for cleaning your home. Esp as you dont work. Pls explain why she should now be your maid.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 25, 2013 at 5:21 PM

She has actually been sick much less then usual since she moved in. Yes, this was the agreement before she moved in. No, this is not just between her and DH. This is my home too and when she doesn't do the housework she is supposed to, I have to do it. She moved in because she needed help, yes but her moving in put a lot more financial stress on us as a family so I see no reason why she can't help.



Quoting ripemango:

maybe if she gets sick often she can't do what you think she should. the level of physical ability can vary among 66 year olds. did you agree to this arrangement before she moved in?

regardless, it's a discussion for her and your husband...best if you just stay out of it.

if she is able to help out, maybe ask her how she would like to contribute. Personally, if it was my mom I wouldn't expect her to do a damn thing. If she wanted to help out around the house and it made her feel like she was contributing, then fine but there is no way I would require it in order for her to stay with me. She moved in bc she needed help, not the other way around.



erinsmom1964
by Gold Member on May. 25, 2013 at 5:21 PM

Call around to maid services and see what that list you expect of her would cost you.  Your feelings for her are clear...man I feel sorry for her and your hubby.  I HATE my MIL and I would never do that to her

Quoting Anonymous:

I said over $300 a month and that's with me going to extremes to save money of our grocery bill. But that's not all it costs us. It costs 2 of our kids their own rooms, it costs us the privacy of not having someone living with us, it's not all about money. Plus, she isn't even expected to do all the housework, it windes up being just over half (and of course that doesn't include the out door stuff). It is not to our benift. If she could live on her own, we would not have offered, the only reason we did is because she had nowhere.



Quoting erinsmom1964:

PLEASE show me where you can get a live in maid for just 300 bucks a month??  I WANT ONE!!




CeeGee81
by CanadaGirl on May. 25, 2013 at 5:23 PM

Not at all.

HousewifeNina
by Gold Member on May. 25, 2013 at 5:24 PM
Dishes, dusting and sweeping are reasonable as most 70 yr old women do.that in their own homes.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 25, 2013 at 5:24 PM

At her age???? My dad is that age and he works his ass off on a daily basis. He owns a business were he does manual labor every day in the heat. It would be good for her to do something at her age.

My grandma does more than this lady does and she just turned 90!


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, you are being unreasonable expecting her to basically clean your house at her age.




Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured