Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Am I being unreasonable?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

MIL is 66 years old and has basically no money. She has a car and a couple thousand to her name but that is it. She doesn't work. She is usually well enough to but she does get sick often and has to call off work and ends up getting fired and at her age, it is very hard to find a place that will hire her. She gets SS but it's not nearly enough for her to live on (even in the apartment she was in) and her and FIL (who died 2 years ago) had no savings.

There was nothing else to do, we had her move in with us 3 months ago. She doesn't have to work and the SS she gets is for her. She uses that for her car insurance, gas, personal spending and health care costs. Most of her money goes to health care costs. The only thing we asked was that she do the house work (minus the upstairs vacuuming because she can't get the vacuum up the stairs easily, our laundry and the cooking, she sucks at cooking). She is also not expected to clean the kids rooms or pick up after the kids, if they leave stuff laying around, they are to pick it up. So basically that leaves the sweeping, moping, dishes (we have a dish washer) and basic kitchen clean up, vacuuming downstairs, dusting the living room and cleaning the 3 bathrooms, one is a half bath (not including mine and dh's, we don't expect her to clean those).

She never does any of it. I come home and she has done maybe one or two things. I look on the nextlix instant history and it will show 6 or 7 hours worth of shows watched. We have 5 kids and us and MIL in a 5 bedroom home. This means that 4  of our 5 of our kids share a room, before MIL moved in, only the youngest 2 shared. Our income didn't go up because she has moved in so we are defiantly having to budget better. Seeing how much we are all doing for her, isn't it reasonable that she does the housework?

She says that beause I don't work, there is no reason why I can't do some of the house. First of all, I do, I do all the laundry (including hers)that's laundry for 8 people. all the cooking, the vacuming upstairs and all the grocery shoping. Plus because her living here has raised our bills (grocery, water, and electricity) by over $300 a month, I have to spend even more time doing things to save money (shopping several different stores for sales, cutting coupons. 

Am I being unreasonable?

Posted by Anonymous on May. 25, 2013 at 5:03 PM
Replies (31-40):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 25, 2013 at 5:24 PM

She can't afford to pay anything. After her car insurance, gas, medical expenses  (she is trying to get on medicaid, then she would have more money) and a her personal spending she doesn't have anything and I don't want to ask her to pay us what she has for personal spending because then we will have to buy everything for her.



Quoting Anonymous:

She should never have been expected to be your maid, she should be charged a reasonable amount of rent.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 25, 2013 at 5:24 PM
1 mom liked this
No. Like I said she should clean up her room and bathroom as well as do her own laundry. She should contribute to bills if she can. She should noy be their maid. That is a disgrace!

Quoting LeahJ:

And why should the mil get a free maid service, cooking, clean, room and board because she did a piss poor job planning for her own retirement?



Quoting Anonymous:

She is your mil. What will you do? Throw her on the street. You said her health is not that great. Yes many 66 yr olds can do it but if she cant work do to health should she clean after a family of 8? Its your house. Who use to clean it? You right? Now you want to use your mil to do it? Why? Get lazy?





Quoting Anonymous:

You are right, it is my house and she is living in it rent free (she literally pays NOTHING, not electricity, internet, water, groceries, nothing) so the way she is supposed to help around the house it to do the housework as we agreed. She is not that old, she is 66,  many 66 year olds work and most have savings for when they no longer can. Please explain to me why she should live off of us for free and not do anything. This is the arrangement we agreed upon, if she didn't like it she could have figured out somewhere else to live.






Quoting Anonymous:

Its your house. You should clean it. She is old. She should keep her own room and bathroom she uses clean. As well as do her laundry. Other than that I dont see how she is responsible for cleaning your home. Esp as you dont work. Pls explain why she should now be your maid.






kngarber
by on May. 25, 2013 at 5:26 PM

 In theory, no.  But I just have this image in my head that what you are asking of her isn't as innocent as you are making it seem in the post.  I don't know why.  LOL.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on May. 25, 2013 at 5:26 PM

She's also living there for free. You could actually probably hire a live in maid, all housing costs included for $300 a month. My ex's family had a live in maid and all they paid her was living costs including food. She worked a second job for her spending money but she lived at no cost to herself.


Quoting erinsmom1964:

Call around to maid services and see what that list you expect of her would cost you.  Your feelings for her are clear...man I feel sorry for her and your hubby.  I HATE my MIL and I would never do that to her

Quoting Anonymous:

I said over $300 a month and that's with me going to extremes to save money of our grocery bill. But that's not all it costs us. It costs 2 of our kids their own rooms, it costs us the privacy of not having someone living with us, it's not all about money. Plus, she isn't even expected to do all the housework, it windes up being just over half (and of course that doesn't include the out door stuff). It is not to our benift. If she could live on her own, we would not have offered, the only reason we did is because she had nowhere.



Quoting erinsmom1964:

PLEASE show me where you can get a live in maid for just 300 bucks a month??  I WANT ONE!!






Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 25, 2013 at 5:26 PM

Oh thats right because every person at that age is in the same health.....silly us

Quoting Anonymous:

At her age???? My dad is that age and he works his ass off on a daily basis. He owns a business were he does manual labor every day in the heat. It would be good for her to do something at her age.

My grandma does more than this lady does and she just turned 90!


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, you are being unreasonable expecting her to basically clean your house at her age.





Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 25, 2013 at 5:26 PM
But....she said her mil has health issues.

Quoting Anonymous:

At her age???? My dad is that age and he works his ass off on a daily basis. He owns a business were he does manual labor every day in the heat. It would be good for her to do something at her age.

My grandma does more than this lady does and she just turned 90!



Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, you are being unreasonable expecting her to basically clean your house at her age.





ripemango
by Platinum Member on May. 25, 2013 at 5:27 PM
1 mom liked this

I'll just keep it short then. I think you are being unreasonable. Maybe if your husband participated in the housework you wouldn't feel like it's MIL's place to do it.

To be frank, her vacuuming doesn't lessen the financial impact of her in your home. She isn't some1 renting a room, she is an elderly parent requiring additional care. I think it's disrespectful what you are proposing and not very loving at all.


Quoting Anonymous:

She has actually been sick much less then usual since she moved in. Yes, this was the agreement before she moved in. No, this is not just between her and DH. This is my home too and when she doesn't do the housework she is supposed to, I have to do it. She moved in because she needed help, yes but her moving in put a lot more financial stress on us as a family so I see no reason why she can't help.



Quoting ripemango:

maybe if she gets sick often she can't do what you think she should. the level of physical ability can vary among 66 year olds. did you agree to this arrangement before she moved in?

regardless, it's a discussion for her and your husband...best if you just stay out of it.

if she is able to help out, maybe ask her how she would like to contribute. Personally, if it was my mom I wouldn't expect her to do a damn thing. If she wanted to help out around the house and it made her feel like she was contributing, then fine but there is no way I would require it in order for her to stay with me. She moved in bc she needed help, not the other way around.






I don't know where the sunbeams end and the starlights begin; it's all a mystery.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 25, 2013 at 5:27 PM

Yes, I used to. I also didn't use to have to stretch our budget more. At this point, if she can't do as we agreed, we may have to find her a state run (not private because then we would have to pay for it) nursing home). And yes, I think she is fine to help out. If she can go shopping and go out to lunch, she can do the housework we agreed upon.



Quoting Anonymous:

She is your mil. What will you do? Throw her on the street. You said her health is not that great. Yes many 66 yr olds can do it but if she cant work do to health should she clean after a family of 8? Its your house. Who use to clean it? You right? Now you want to use your mil to do it? Why? Get lazy?

Quoting Anonymous:

You are right, it is my house and she is living in it rent free (she literally pays NOTHING, not electricity, internet, water, groceries, nothing) so the way she is supposed to help around the house it to do the housework as we agreed. She is not that old, she is 66,  many 66 year olds work and most have savings for when they no longer can. Please explain to me why she should live off of us for free and not do anything. This is the arrangement we agreed upon, if she didn't like it she could have figured out somewhere else to live.




Quoting Anonymous:

Its your house. You should clean it. She is old. She should keep her own room and bathroom she uses clean. As well as do her laundry. Other than that I dont see how she is responsible for cleaning your home. Esp as you dont work. Pls explain why she should now be your maid.






Anonymous
by Anonymous 9 on May. 25, 2013 at 5:27 PM

 300 a month plus her kids now have to share rooms, and she has to deal with her MIL intruding on her home making more laundry and she now has to cook for more people (props to you OP, if it was mine i would find her a home)


Quoting erinsmom1964:

PLEASE show me where you can get a live in maid for just 300 bucks a month??  I WANT ONE!!


 

erinsmom1964
by Gold Member on May. 25, 2013 at 5:27 PM

Now your being even more silly...you are hateful to her....YOU ASKED

Quoting Anonymous:

She's also living there for free. You could actually probably hire a live in maid, all housing costs included for $300 a month. My ex's family had a live in maid and all they paid her was living costs including food. She worked a second job for her spending money but she lived for free.


Quoting erinsmom1964:

Call around to maid services and see what that list you expect of her would cost you.  Your feelings for her are clear...man I feel sorry for her and your hubby.  I HATE my MIL and I would never do that to her

Quoting Anonymous:

I said over $300 a month and that's with me going to extremes to save money of our grocery bill. But that's not all it costs us. It costs 2 of our kids their own rooms, it costs us the privacy of not having someone living with us, it's not all about money. Plus, she isn't even expected to do all the housework, it windes up being just over half (and of course that doesn't include the out door stuff). It is not to our benift. If she could live on her own, we would not have offered, the only reason we did is because she had nowhere.



Quoting erinsmom1964:

PLEASE show me where you can get a live in maid for just 300 bucks a month??  I WANT ONE!!







Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN