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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Am I being unreasonable?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

MIL is 66 years old and has basically no money. She has a car and a couple thousand to her name but that is it. She doesn't work. She is usually well enough to but she does get sick often and has to call off work and ends up getting fired and at her age, it is very hard to find a place that will hire her. She gets SS but it's not nearly enough for her to live on (even in the apartment she was in) and her and FIL (who died 2 years ago) had no savings.

There was nothing else to do, we had her move in with us 3 months ago. She doesn't have to work and the SS she gets is for her. She uses that for her car insurance, gas, personal spending and health care costs. Most of her money goes to health care costs. The only thing we asked was that she do the house work (minus the upstairs vacuuming because she can't get the vacuum up the stairs easily, our laundry and the cooking, she sucks at cooking). She is also not expected to clean the kids rooms or pick up after the kids, if they leave stuff laying around, they are to pick it up. So basically that leaves the sweeping, moping, dishes (we have a dish washer) and basic kitchen clean up, vacuuming downstairs, dusting the living room and cleaning the 3 bathrooms, one is a half bath (not including mine and dh's, we don't expect her to clean those).

She never does any of it. I come home and she has done maybe one or two things. I look on the nextlix instant history and it will show 6 or 7 hours worth of shows watched. We have 5 kids and us and MIL in a 5 bedroom home. This means that 4  of our 5 of our kids share a room, before MIL moved in, only the youngest 2 shared. Our income didn't go up because she has moved in so we are defiantly having to budget better. Seeing how much we are all doing for her, isn't it reasonable that she does the housework?

She says that beause I don't work, there is no reason why I can't do some of the house. First of all, I do, I do all the laundry (including hers)that's laundry for 8 people. all the cooking, the vacuming upstairs and all the grocery shoping. Plus because her living here has raised our bills (grocery, water, and electricity) by over $300 a month, I have to spend even more time doing things to save money (shopping several different stores for sales, cutting coupons. 

Am I being unreasonable?

Posted by Anonymous on May. 25, 2013 at 5:03 PM
Replies (41-50):
LeahJ
by on May. 25, 2013 at 5:27 PM
Right. She should just sit and watch tv all day and contribute NOTHING to the family. Nice gig if you can get it. I want that for my retirement!

Quoting Anonymous:

No. Like I said she should clean up her room and bathroom as well as do her own laundry. She should contribute to bills if she can. She should noy be their maid. That is a disgrace!



Quoting LeahJ:

And why should the mil get a free maid service, cooking, clean, room and board because she did a piss poor job planning for her own retirement?





Quoting Anonymous:

She is your mil. What will you do? Throw her on the street. You said her health is not that great. Yes many 66 yr olds can do it but if she cant work do to health should she clean after a family of 8? Its your house. Who use to clean it? You right? Now you want to use your mil to do it? Why? Get lazy?







Quoting Anonymous:

You are right, it is my house and she is living in it rent free (she literally pays NOTHING, not electricity, internet, water, groceries, nothing) so the way she is supposed to help around the house it to do the housework as we agreed. She is not that old, she is 66,  many 66 year olds work and most have savings for when they no longer can. Please explain to me why she should live off of us for free and not do anything. This is the arrangement we agreed upon, if she didn't like it she could have figured out somewhere else to live.







Quoting Anonymous:

Its your house. You should clean it. She is old. She should keep her own room and bathroom she uses clean. As well as do her laundry. Other than that I dont see how she is responsible for cleaning your home. Esp as you dont work. Pls explain why she should now be your maid.







kngarber
by Katie on May. 25, 2013 at 5:27 PM

 Does she need her car?  I mean could she sell it and borrow yours for appointments?  Seems that would free up a decent chunk of change.

Quoting Anonymous:

She can't afford to pay anything. After her car insurance, gas, medical expenses  (she is trying to get on medicaid, then she would have more money) and a her personal spending she doesn't have anything and I don't want to ask her to pay us what she has for personal spending because then we will have to buy everything for her.

 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

She should never have been expected to be your maid, she should be charged a reasonable amount of rent.

 

 

 

periwinkle163
by Silver Member on May. 25, 2013 at 5:27 PM

 I think it is unkind to expect her to basically be your maid. She should clean up after herself.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 25, 2013 at 5:28 PM

OMG its called being a family.  WOW what a bunch of hateful selfish cows here!!!

Quoting Anonymous:

 300 a month plus her kids now have to share rooms, and she has to deal with her MIL intruding on her home making more laundry and she now has to cook for more people (props to you OP, if it was mine i would find her a home)


Quoting erinsmom1964:

PLEASE show me where you can get a live in maid for just 300 bucks a month??  I WANT ONE!!




Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on May. 25, 2013 at 5:29 PM

Well maybe she'd be healthier if she got off her ass and did something. If you become lazy with age, then you're health will decline. If you stay active, you're healthier.


Quoting Anonymous:

Oh thats right because every person at that age is in the same health.....silly us

Quoting Anonymous:

At her age???? My dad is that age and he works his ass off on a daily basis. He owns a business were he does manual labor every day in the heat. It would be good for her to do something at her age.

My grandma does more than this lady does and she just turned 90!


Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, you are being unreasonable expecting her to basically clean your house at her age.







Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 25, 2013 at 5:30 PM
1 mom liked this
Than kick her out. Stick her in a home. Obviously you dont care about her. Going to lunch with a friend is alot less strenuous than cleaning after 8 ppl. Just saying Not sure why you compare the two.

Quoting Anonymous:Yes, I used to. I also didn't use to have to stretch our budget more. At this point, if she can't do as we agreed, we may have to find her a state run (not private because then we would have to pay for it) nursing home). And yes, I think she is fine to help out. If she can go shopping and go out to lunch, she can do the housework we agreed upon.
Quoting Anonymous:She is your mil. What will you do? Throw her on the street. You said her health is not that great. Yes many 66 yr olds can do it but if she cant work do to health should she clean after a family of 8? Its your house. Who use to clean it? You right? Now you want to use your mil to do it? Why? Get lazy?

Quoting Anonymous:You are right, it is my house and she is living in it rent free (she literally pays NOTHING, not electricity, internet, water, groceries, nothing) so the way she is supposed to help around the house it to do the housework as we agreed. She is not that old, she is 66,  many 66 year olds work and most have savings for when they no longer can. Please explain to me why she should live off of us for free and not do anything. This is the arrangement we agreed upon, if she didn't like it she could have figured out somewhere else to live.
Quoting Anonymous:Its your house. You should clean it. She is old. She should keep her own room and bathroom she uses clean. As well as do her laundry. Other than that I dont see how she is responsible for cleaning your home. Esp as you dont work. Pls explain why she should now be your maid.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 25, 2013 at 5:30 PM

I am saying that if she can go shopping and out to lunch, she can clean. And doing maybe 2 hours of housework a day for a place to live is hardly slave labor. She is free to leave anytime she wants and if she didn't want to do the housework we agreed to, she shouldn't have agreed to it.



Quoting Anonymous:

Well thats great that you are PLANNING for whatever but many great plans fail and life happens.  I think your being HORRIBLE to her.  While I would NEVER expect my children to take me in I know that if for some reason I needed them they would be there( and not use me as slave labor)  as I would be for them or any other member of my immediate family.  She is 66 and your begrudging her shopping and lunch with friends?  Are you kidding me?  You sound very hateful towards her.

Quoting Anonymous:

As I said, most of the time, she is fine, it's just that when she gets sick, which is more frequently then the average person, she would call out of work and end up getting fired. She is well enough to go shopping and to lunch with her friends. I would never expect my kids to take me in and not do anything to help, neither would my mother (of course my mother is planning for her retirement, not just assuming she will get to move in with us.



Quoting Anonymous:

Wow so you have babsically taken your MIL who obviously has health issues in as your live inmaid??  WOW you are being extremely unreasonable and just plain hateful.  I hope for your sake your children don't remeber this so when your older and need help they don't treat you the same way.  Would you be acting this way if it was your mother and not MIL?  I doubt it.






Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 25, 2013 at 5:30 PM

Daughter in law of the year here>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>As long as she doesn't cost you a penny or if she does she works it off and then some huh??  YOUR a piece of...........work

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, I used to. I also didn't use to have to stretch our budget more. At this point, if she can't do as we agreed, we may have to find her a state run (not private because then we would have to pay for it) nursing home). And yes, I think she is fine to help out. If she can go shopping and go out to lunch, she can do the housework we agreed upon.



Quoting Anonymous:

She is your mil. What will you do? Throw her on the street. You said her health is not that great. Yes many 66 yr olds can do it but if she cant work do to health should she clean after a family of 8? Its your house. Who use to clean it? You right? Now you want to use your mil to do it? Why? Get lazy?

Quoting Anonymous:

You are right, it is my house and she is living in it rent free (she literally pays NOTHING, not electricity, internet, water, groceries, nothing) so the way she is supposed to help around the house it to do the housework as we agreed. She is not that old, she is 66,  many 66 year olds work and most have savings for when they no longer can. Please explain to me why she should live off of us for free and not do anything. This is the arrangement we agreed upon, if she didn't like it she could have figured out somewhere else to live.




Quoting Anonymous:

Its your house. You should clean it. She is old. She should keep her own room and bathroom she uses clean. As well as do her laundry. Other than that I dont see how she is responsible for cleaning your home. Esp as you dont work. Pls explain why she should now be your maid.







LeahJ
by on May. 25, 2013 at 5:30 PM
Where did she say any of that? Lol. All op said is that she want the mil to do WHAT SHE AGREED TO DO and help out with the house since it is costing op and her dh a lot more in terms of money and stress to have the mil there, something they certainly weren't required to do. What kind of person moves in on a family and expects full room and board then sits on their ass watching tv all day and does NOTHING to help out?

Are you kidding me?!


Quoting Anonymous:

Well thats great that you are PLANNING for whatever but many great plans fail and life happens.  I think your being HORRIBLE to her.  While I would NEVER expect my children to take me in I know that if for some reason I needed them they would be there( and not use me as slave labor)  as I would be for them or any other member of my immediate family.  She is 66 and your begrudging her shopping and lunch with friends?  Are you kidding me?  You sound very hateful towards her.

Quoting Anonymous:

As I said, most of the time, she is fine, it's just that when she gets sick, which is more frequently then the average person, she would call out of work and end up getting fired. She is well enough to go shopping and to lunch with her friends. I would never expect my kids to take me in and not do anything to help, neither would my mother (of course my mother is planning for her retirement, not just assuming she will get to move in with us.




Quoting Anonymous:

Wow so you have babsically taken your MIL who obviously has health issues in as your live inmaid??  WOW you are being extremely unreasonable and just plain hateful.  I hope for your sake your children don't remeber this so when your older and need help they don't treat you the same way.  Would you be acting this way if it was your mother and not MIL?  I doubt it.





SpiritedWitch
by Froggie on May. 25, 2013 at 5:30 PM

You aren't expecting her to do the whole house so I don't see it as unreasonable. She should be pitching in since she is living there and not contributing anything money wise. The only way I could see it being unreasonable is if you are demanding she clean even when sick. 

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