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My step kids birth mother died

Dh and I have had full custody of my step kids for 6 years. It has been that long since BM has seen the kids. It has been two years since she talked to them. All of that was her own choice. Today a sheriff from the state she was living in called dh to let him know she had killed herself. And now we have to tell our kids. BM's mom is driving out to be here when dh tells the kids, she will be here in 7 or 8 hours. They are going to be so hurt, it's killing me. The kids are 10 (11 next month), 9 and 8. I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about them being in pain.

Thanks for the good wishes. We don't know what we will tell them, dh and Grami (BM's mom) will figure it out when she gets here. That's when they will figure out if there will be a funeral or what. Dh has spent the last few hours looking at old photos and showing them to the kids.

We told the kids, this morning, and told them the truth. My step daughter (8) was very upset, my step sons cried a little but not as much. We took a hike had lunch and then just relaxed. They are still sad but doing ok. The medical examiners office is closed until Tuesday, so dh has to wait until then to talk to them. We will leave it up to the kids if they want to go to a funeral or not. Everything else we are just going one day at a time. Again thank you for the kind words.
by on May. 25, 2013 at 6:06 PM
Replies (11-20):
by on May. 25, 2013 at 6:14 PM

 You tell them she died, you do not tell them she KILLED herself at that age, when you must do so later, do it while they are in counseling with a grief counselor for gods sakes and let the therapist lead the way.

by FriendoftheFoot on May. 25, 2013 at 6:15 PM

That's really sad. I'm sorry :( y'all are in my thoughts.

by on May. 25, 2013 at 6:16 PM

This: and I commend you for what you are doing for these children it's great they have you in there lives.

Quoting metalmomma86:

All you can do is love them, be there and let them grieve.
Good luck

by Emerald Member on May. 25, 2013 at 6:16 PM
I'm so sorry for their loss. Just keep being the best step mom you can be. It sounds like you already have been doing that.
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by on May. 25, 2013 at 6:19 PM

I'm so sorry that they are going to have to go through this and that they have already been through her abandoning them...all you can do is let them know that you are there for them and hug them...hugs to you as well and I'm sorry that you are hurting as well

by Anonymous 1 on May. 25, 2013 at 6:23 PM
That is so sad. This willow be tough. Just keep being there, keep loving them. I honestly don't believe time heals all wounds but love can.
by on May. 25, 2013 at 6:23 PM

Crazy. I asked my DSS's how they would feel if BM died. They are 16 and 17 and have only seen their mother once since 2001, and have very limited phone contact, all her choice. They just shrugged and said they would be a little sad, but she hasn't been a part of their life for so long it wouldn't change anything. 

by on May. 25, 2013 at 6:28 PM

At their age, it probably won't be as bad as you think if she hasn't been involved. They may have a hard time later on as they get older. Just be there for them and let them feel how they feel.

by Platinum Member on May. 25, 2013 at 6:30 PM
How heartbreaking. Good luck:(
by Platinum Member on May. 25, 2013 at 6:32 PM
So so sorry :(
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