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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My step kids birth mother died

Dh and I have had full custody of my step kids for 6 years. It has been that long since BM has seen the kids. It has been two years since she talked to them. All of that was her own choice. Today a sheriff from the state she was living in called dh to let him know she had killed herself. And now we have to tell our kids. BM's mom is driving out to be here when dh tells the kids, she will be here in 7 or 8 hours. They are going to be so hurt, it's killing me. The kids are 10 (11 next month), 9 and 8. I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about them being in pain.

Thanks for the good wishes. We don't know what we will tell them, dh and Grami (BM's mom) will figure it out when she gets here. That's when they will figure out if there will be a funeral or what. Dh has spent the last few hours looking at old photos and showing them to the kids.

We told the kids, this morning, and told them the truth. My step daughter (8) was very upset, my step sons cried a little but not as much. We took a hike had lunch and then just relaxed. They are still sad but doing ok. The medical examiners office is closed until Tuesday, so dh has to wait until then to talk to them. We will leave it up to the kids if they want to go to a funeral or not. Everything else we are just going one day at a time. Again thank you for the kind words.
by on May. 25, 2013 at 6:06 PM
Replies (21-30):
xixCandyxix
by Platinum Member on May. 25, 2013 at 6:33 PM

Just be there for them... They will have you & there grandmas but it'll never totally replace their birth mom. Maybe since it's been so long since they've seen her maybe it won't affect them as badly.

vegaswife2011
by Emerald Member on May. 25, 2013 at 6:34 PM



Quoting GabbyP.:

Hugs. The only thing you can do is be there for them like you already are.



andreamarie
by Silver Member on May. 25, 2013 at 6:34 PM
I am so sorry. All you can do is be there and keep loving them.
Good luck.
armywife009
by Platinum Member on May. 25, 2013 at 6:35 PM

:( How sad.

Hugs to you all.

ilovecandy
by Gold Member on May. 25, 2013 at 6:37 PM

thats really hard. i guess the only thing you can do is be there for them, in which is sounds like you are

Mel0dy
by Platinum Member on May. 25, 2013 at 6:43 PM

:( 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 25, 2013 at 6:45 PM

 

Quoting illogicalkat:

Just be there for them. Keep loving them & let them know that you do.

And I wouldn't tell them that she committed suicide. They don't really need to know that, not right now at least.

 I agree, they'll be hurting enough.  They're too young too have to deal with suicide. 

kedmunds1
by on May. 25, 2013 at 6:51 PM

Obviously you care deeply about these kids and that will go a long way toward helping.  Maybe just helping them know they can come to you and their dad and talk any time they want without pushing them to talk about it.  And like someone else said, maybe seeing a counselor as a family might help them begin to work through their grief and worries that they might have.

lwinwood
by on May. 25, 2013 at 7:09 PM
I agree with this too, I really would NOT tell them it was suicide :-( I would say it was 'heart' related. I know that sounds crazy but at their ages I think the knowledge of it having been suicide will frighten them and add to the grief they will already feel. They will be too young to understand.
I feel for you all, you are dealing with such a sensitive and sad situation. I wish you well and I commend you also for what you are doing for those kids x
God bless their bio mom too x


Quoting Anonymous:

 


Quoting illogicalkat:


Just be there for them. Keep loving them & let them know that you do.


And I wouldn't tell them that she committed suicide. They don't really need to know that, not right now at least.


 I agree, they'll be hurting enough.  They're too young too have to deal with suicide. 


FlyingHottie
by Silver Member on May. 25, 2013 at 7:26 PM

Check with the local hospice. They usually have free counselling groups for kids who have lost a parent, also let the school councler know as well

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