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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My step kids birth mother died

Dh and I have had full custody of my step kids for 6 years. It has been that long since BM has seen the kids. It has been two years since she talked to them. All of that was her own choice. Today a sheriff from the state she was living in called dh to let him know she had killed herself. And now we have to tell our kids. BM's mom is driving out to be here when dh tells the kids, she will be here in 7 or 8 hours. They are going to be so hurt, it's killing me. The kids are 10 (11 next month), 9 and 8. I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about them being in pain.

Thanks for the good wishes. We don't know what we will tell them, dh and Grami (BM's mom) will figure it out when she gets here. That's when they will figure out if there will be a funeral or what. Dh has spent the last few hours looking at old photos and showing them to the kids.

We told the kids, this morning, and told them the truth. My step daughter (8) was very upset, my step sons cried a little but not as much. We took a hike had lunch and then just relaxed. They are still sad but doing ok. The medical examiners office is closed until Tuesday, so dh has to wait until then to talk to them. We will leave it up to the kids if they want to go to a funeral or not. Everything else we are just going one day at a time. Again thank you for the kind words.
by on May. 25, 2013 at 6:06 PM
Replies (41-50):
VarelaClan
by Platinum Member on May. 25, 2013 at 7:41 PM
I'm so sorry. What a difficult situation. Just be there for them. Maybe even start a conversation to let them talk about the good things about her. Dad might need to bring some of them up since they were young the last time they saw her.
calimom1123
by on May. 25, 2013 at 7:48 PM
How sad. Hugs :(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kissesxoxo8882
by Gold Member on May. 25, 2013 at 7:53 PM

 Just be there for them that is all you really can do.

shivasgirl
by Platinum Member on May. 25, 2013 at 7:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I cant make it clicky because of my browser, but if you go to my home page it's listed there

Quoting MommyTo5Boys:

Where is this group .... I tried searching for it with no results????

Quoting shivasgirl:

are you in my custodial stepmom's group? I think you would get really good support in there



LyTe684
by Ruby Member on May. 25, 2013 at 7:58 PM
Oh my. So sorry. BIG hugs!
RobinBright
by Ruby Member on May. 25, 2013 at 8:06 PM

That is so awful.  I'm sorry your family is going through this.  My boys' biomom has been in patient at a psychiatric treatment facility for more than four years now, and I dread the day that we will get the same phone call.  

happy-go-lucky
by Bronze Member on May. 25, 2013 at 11:36 PM
BM's mom is close with the kids, they see her a couple times a year and talk to her on the phone around once a month.

We don't know what we are telling them yet. They have had no contact with her for the past two years. We don't know about a funeral or anything yet, we are waiting to talk to her mom before deciding anything.


Quoting Melissa_4:

Wait a minute...what kind of relationship does BM's mother have with the children?  Why should SHE be there if she hasn't been a part of their lives?  Is she expecting to take the children?  Honestly, at their ages, there is no reason that they should be told that she took her own life.  Please call a pediactric counselor and ask their advice.  

Do the kids ask about her?  Have they had any communication with her at all in the past two years?  Any way of not telling them til they're out of school?  Do they have to go to a burial or wake?



Quoting happy-go-lucky:

Dh and I have had full custody of my step kids for 6 years. It has been that long since BM has seen the kids. It has been two years since she talked to them. All of that was her own choice. Today a sheriff from the state she was living in called dh to let him know she had killed herself. And now we have to tell our kids. BM's mom is driving out to be here when dh tells the kids, she will be here in 7 or 8 hours. They are going to be so hurt, it's killing me. The kids are 10 (11 next month), 9 and 8. I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about them being in pain.





happy-go-lucky
by Bronze Member on May. 25, 2013 at 11:54 PM
I am in one, but it is so slow that I don't go in often.


Quoting shivasgirl:

are you in my custodial stepmom's group? I think you would get really good support in there


shivasgirl
by Platinum Member on May. 26, 2013 at 12:10 AM

I checked my member list, you are not in mine..you might have been tho because we boot if you are inactive for 30 days

Quoting happy-go-lucky:

I am in one, but it is so slow that I don't go in often.


Quoting shivasgirl:

are you in my custodial stepmom's group? I think you would get really good support in there



CarolinaGirl88
by Silver Member on May. 26, 2013 at 12:20 AM

I'm really sorry they have to go through that. Regardless of what her role was in their lives I'm sure they're going to have a lot of difficult emotions to go through, and it's never easy to see your kid having to endure that. *Hugs*

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