Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My step kids birth mother died

Dh and I have had full custody of my step kids for 6 years. It has been that long since BM has seen the kids. It has been two years since she talked to them. All of that was her own choice. Today a sheriff from the state she was living in called dh to let him know she had killed herself. And now we have to tell our kids. BM's mom is driving out to be here when dh tells the kids, she will be here in 7 or 8 hours. They are going to be so hurt, it's killing me. The kids are 10 (11 next month), 9 and 8. I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about them being in pain.

Thanks for the good wishes. We don't know what we will tell them, dh and Grami (BM's mom) will figure it out when she gets here. That's when they will figure out if there will be a funeral or what. Dh has spent the last few hours looking at old photos and showing them to the kids.

We told the kids, this morning, and told them the truth. My step daughter (8) was very upset, my step sons cried a little but not as much. We took a hike had lunch and then just relaxed. They are still sad but doing ok. The medical examiners office is closed until Tuesday, so dh has to wait until then to talk to them. We will leave it up to the kids if they want to go to a funeral or not. Everything else we are just going one day at a time. Again thank you for the kind words.
by on May. 25, 2013 at 6:06 PM
Replies (51-60):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on May. 26, 2013 at 11:20 AM
Im so sorry for your family. I really have mixed feelings abiut this. My SD mom od'ed on pills. She had tr ied suicide before when SD was 4. I can tell you the efffects it has had in my family is like a bomb went off. A once giggly little girl now has PTSD and huge abandonment issues. To tbe point that if we go to the store she clings to dh or someone so very afraid to be alone for even a few minutes. Part of me thinks why do they even need to know There goes their childhood. But that was the hand they were delt I guess. Did she leave a note as to why?
maiahlynn
by on May. 26, 2013 at 11:22 AM
1 mom liked this

I would tell them she passed but I wouldnt tell them the details I wouldnt tell them she killed herself.. mot until they were much much older maybe never.

MrsHMS
by Silver Member on May. 26, 2013 at 11:24 AM
Thats my post. I didn't mean to post anonymously.


Quoting Anonymous:

Im so sorry for your family. I really have mixed feelings abiut this. My SD mom od'ed on pills. She had tr ied suicide before when SD was 4. I can tell you the efffects it has had in my family is like a bomb went off. A once giggly little girl now has PTSD and huge abandonment issues. To tbe point that if we go to the store she clings to dh or someone so very afraid to be alone for even a few minutes. Part of me thinks why do they even need to know There goes their childhood. But that was the hand they were delt I guess. Did she leave a note as to why?

momoftwo0406
by Ruby Member on May. 26, 2013 at 11:26 AM
I'm so sorry. You have a ruff week ahead of you. Good luck
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on May. 26, 2013 at 11:26 AM
I must be cold hearted? She was a dead beat mom, why does anyone care and get upset? She was dh's ex? Why is he soo sad?
notjstanothrmom
by Ruby Member on May. 26, 2013 at 11:26 AM

I am sorry. I hope that things go as smoothly as possible. :( I am glad that they have you and your husband.

lnrmom
by Ruby Member on May. 26, 2013 at 11:26 AM
Sorry. Just love them. Good luck.
firespurity
by Ruby Member on May. 26, 2013 at 11:26 AM
My father overdosed while I was visiting him on Christmas break. It was prescribed medication to. And people wonder why I won't take medication unless I'm dying..

Quoting Anonymous:

Im so sorry for your family. I really have mixed feelings abiut this. My SD mom od'ed on pills. She had tr ied suicide before when SD was 4. I can tell you the efffects it has had in my family is like a bomb went off. A once giggly little girl now has PTSD and huge abandonment issues. To tbe point that if we go to the store she clings to dh or someone so very afraid to be alone for even a few minutes. Part of me thinks why do they even need to know There goes their childhood. But that was the hand they were delt I guess. Did she leave a note as to why?
notjstanothrmom
by Ruby Member on May. 26, 2013 at 11:27 AM

Deadbeat or not, it was their mother. And her husband is probably sad knowing they will never get to know her, she never has the chance to change now.

Quoting Anonymous:

I must be cold hearted? She was a dead beat mom, why does anyone care and get upset? She was dh's ex? Why is he soo sad?


Coconutty4Hubby
by Cafe Goddess on May. 26, 2013 at 11:29 AM

I agree, she hasn't seen her kids in 6 years, that's straight up abandonment. She was already practically dead, to them.
I wouldn't tell the kids. I wouldn't even take them to her funeral, she doesn't deserve it.


Quoting MrsHMS:

Thats my post. I didn't mean to post anonymously.




Quoting Anonymous:

Im so sorry for your family. I really have mixed feelings abiut this. My SD mom od'ed on pills. She had tr ied suicide before when SD was 4. I can tell you the efffects it has had in my family is like a bomb went off. A once giggly little girl now has PTSD and huge abandonment issues. To tbe point that if we go to the store she clings to dh or someone so very afraid to be alone for even a few minutes. Part of me thinks why do they even need to know There goes their childhood. But that was the hand they were delt I guess. Did she leave a note as to why?

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN