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My step kids birth mother died

Dh and I have had full custody of my step kids for 6 years. It has been that long since BM has seen the kids. It has been two years since she talked to them. All of that was her own choice. Today a sheriff from the state she was living in called dh to let him know she had killed herself. And now we have to tell our kids. BM's mom is driving out to be here when dh tells the kids, she will be here in 7 or 8 hours. They are going to be so hurt, it's killing me. The kids are 10 (11 next month), 9 and 8. I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about them being in pain.

Thanks for the good wishes. We don't know what we will tell them, dh and Grami (BM's mom) will figure it out when she gets here. That's when they will figure out if there will be a funeral or what. Dh has spent the last few hours looking at old photos and showing them to the kids.

We told the kids, this morning, and told them the truth. My step daughter (8) was very upset, my step sons cried a little but not as much. We took a hike had lunch and then just relaxed. They are still sad but doing ok. The medical examiners office is closed until Tuesday, so dh has to wait until then to talk to them. We will leave it up to the kids if they want to go to a funeral or not. Everything else we are just going one day at a time. Again thank you for the kind words.
by on May. 25, 2013 at 6:06 PM
Replies (71-80):
meowsrus
by MamaKitty on May. 26, 2013 at 9:56 PM
my cousin has been the only father to his girlfriend's child. The birth father died in a car accident and she had to explain who he was and that even though (the daughter) she had only met him twice, he was still her 'natural' father.

It really bothered my cousin, but it was better the little one knew the truth. They will hurt for a little while, but you'll be there for them, so they'll be a-ok :-)
Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 26, 2013 at 10:09 PM

This is what happens, when the biological mother, can't raise her own child, while another woman can raise her biological children instead. the biological mother's self esteem is lost, knowing she can't raise her own children, all the while, she knows another woman gets to raise the biological mother's children. and then the biological mother kills herself.

Sammybby09
by Gold Member on May. 26, 2013 at 10:11 PM
I'm very sorry for her kids. :/ I hope they can handle it the best they can
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
keyawin
by on May. 26, 2013 at 10:13 PM

poor kids! Im so sorry. I will be praying for them. 

KrissyKC
by Platinum Member on May. 26, 2013 at 10:13 PM

Do they need to know it was suicide?   Can't you just say she has been sick and died?   Then, maybe when they are all in their teens years, you could rehash it?


Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 26, 2013 at 10:15 PM
I'm sorry. Just remind the kids it's not their fault. They may end up feeling that way.
nikkichris612
by on May. 26, 2013 at 10:15 PM

 HUGS to you! I've been there.  My 6 year old son lost his father a year and a half ago.  The one thing that helped him tremendously is a book called "Never far when in my heart."  We got it online, from amazon maybe....anyway, he still keeps it on his nightstand and reads it regularly.  It truly helps and fills in all those times where you don't know what to say.  Praying for all of you.  Maybe for them you could have them write a note and tie it to a helium balloon to go up to heaven so "she can read it..."  I did that for my son and it helped. A lot. 

DarksMama
by Gold Member on May. 26, 2013 at 10:16 PM

What an incredibly selfish cunt the BM was. I feel bad for the kids to grow up knowing she didn't care to keep in touch, and then she killed herself.  Poor babies. 

Bluerose1482
by Gold Member on May. 26, 2013 at 10:20 PM
Don't tell them the whole truth...tell them she was ill but didn't know it and die suddenly.


Quoting happy-go-lucky:

Dh and I have had full custody of my step kids for 6 years. It has been that long since BM has seen the kids. It has been two years since she talked to them. All of that was her own choice. Today a sheriff from the state she was living in called dh to let him know she had killed herself. And now we have to tell our kids. BM's mom is driving out to be here when dh tells the kids, she will be here in 7 or 8 hours. They are going to be so hurt, it's killing me. The kids are 10 (11 next month), 9 and 8. I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about them being in pain.



Thanks for the good wishes. We don't know what we will tell them, dh and Grami (BM's mom) will figure it out when she gets here. That's when they will figure out if there will be a funeral or what. Dh has spent the last few hours looking at old photos and showing them to the kids.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on May. 26, 2013 at 10:21 PM
This...my step kids haven't seen or spoken to their BM for 3 years- they were 4 & 2, and I'm pretty sure the little one wouldn't even remember her. I don't know that they would be more than a little sad.


Quoting Mrs.Torres2566:

Crazy. I asked my DSS's how they would feel if BM died. They are 16 and 17 and have only seen their mother once since 2001, and have very limited phone contact, all her choice. They just shrugged and said they would be a little sad, but she hasn't been a part of their life for so long it wouldn't change anything. 


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