Mom I am getting married so I can have sex!

[Anonymous]

I saw the other post about the 17 year old and it reminded me of what happened with my daughter. When she was 18 she came to me saying that she was going to get married so she wouldnt feel guilty for having sex with her boyfriend. They had been together through high school and were high school sweet hearts but didn't know eachother through their whole lives. I was shocked at what she was saying and so disapointed. My DH and I had taught all of our children about sex and how to protect themselves. We said that waiting until marriage is a really good idea but that if they felt they were ready beforehand that was normal. I had sex before marriage with my DH and my DD knew this. I sat down and we had a heart to heart about her future. I told her that things don't always work out. I told her that I felt that breaking up after sex for whatever reason was much better than having to go through with a divorce. I never thought I would be telling my daughter that it is better to have sex before marriage but there I was. 

SHe is now 28 and happily married to another man. They did have sex and were together for another year but went their seperate ways. She met her DH when she was 22 and they are great together. She thanks me for the advice.

What would you have said? 

[Anonymous 2]

i know someone who did this she was raised in a extrememly religious household after meeting a guy, they hung out for a week and got married and she was pregnant like 2 months later. 

they are still together 3 years later if thats anything though. 

[AnastasiaKorsh]

I would have said the same thing.

Good thing she listened to you!

[CarolinaGirl88]

I agree with what you told her. While it's admirable to wait until you're married to have sex, that should absolutely not be the prime reason why you get married. If someone really can't wait anymore, then just do it, but don't get married just so you can. Like you said, it's better to break up after sex than to get married for the wrong reasons and then end up divorced not long after.

[NorseGodessMom]

samething... but to be honest I would have burst out laughing first because I will (hopefully) have drilled it in her head enough to wait but not like that.

[kissesxoxo8882]

 I think you did the right thing

[LaughingCheetah]

Good job mom! =-)

[FoxFire363]

That's why I'm against teaching kids they have to wait until marriage. I'd rather teach safe sex and have my kids get married later as nonvirgins than have them marry right out if high school just to get laid.

[lowencope]

I agree. Lots of young ppl feel they should get married because they want to have sex. Parents who teach that are not helping their kids. Safe sex should be taught and parents shouldn't make their kids feel bad for having sex.

[starlight91]

I wouldnt have made having sex with her boyfriend something for her to feel guilty about in the first place.

[Anonymous 1 - Original Poster]

I never made her feel guilty about it. I simply said that waiting until marriage is usually best but if you are committed to eachother it is normal and not the end of the world if you have sex before marriage. 

Quoting starlight91:

I wouldnt have made having sex with her boyfriend something for her to feel guilty about in the first place.