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Mom I am getting married so I can have sex!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

I saw the other post about the 17 year old and it reminded me of what happened with my daughter. When she was 18 she came to me saying that she was going to get married so she wouldnt feel guilty for having sex with her boyfriend. They had been together through high school and were high school sweet hearts but didn't know eachother through their whole lives. I was shocked at what she was saying and so disapointed. My DH and I had taught all of our children about sex and how to protect themselves. We said that waiting until marriage is a really good idea but that if they felt they were ready beforehand that was normal. I had sex before marriage with my DH and my DD knew this. I sat down and we had a heart to heart about her future. I told her that things don't always work out. I told her that I felt that breaking up after sex for whatever reason was much better than having to go through with a divorce. I never thought I would be telling my daughter that it is better to have sex before marriage but there I was. 

SHe is now 28 and happily married to another man. They did have sex and were together for another year but went their seperate ways. She met her DH when she was 22 and they are great together. She thanks me for the advice.

What would you have said? 

Posted by Anonymous on May. 25, 2013 at 9:14 PM
Replies (21-30):
by on May. 26, 2013 at 10:01 AM
I think you did great. You told the truth. But it also shows your dd has a good head to want to be reaponsible. The man who is right as your "first" will not always be the "one" but that doesn't make him less right.
by Candy on May. 26, 2013 at 10:02 AM

You did the right thing!

by on May. 26, 2013 at 10:27 AM

I told my aughter about the same thing.  She waited until she was out of medical school to marry and settle down.  I think waiting to marry can be helpful because people change so much in their teens and 20's.

by on May. 26, 2013 at 10:48 AM
1 mom liked this

I will never tell my kids they have to be married to have sex, so I don't know how I would approach that. 

by Anonymous 4 on May. 26, 2013 at 11:04 AM
My DH married at 18 so he could have sex guilt-free. They were divorced by he time he was 24, and now we have to deal with a bat-shit crazy BM on a daily basis. He doesn't regret the kids, but he sure as hell regrets marrying her. So yeah, if this ever comes up in our home, we will advise the girls to delay marriage and practice safe sex if they must have sex. We believe in waiting until marriage, but also believe that not much is worse than divorce and it's better to marry when you are older.
by Ruby Member on May. 26, 2013 at 12:04 PM
I didnt wait till marriage to have sex with dh.. We did before but were still together and he was my only. I think you actually said the right thing. I agree with other moms i rather my kids have sex before marriage then marry just for sex and if they dont like it go threw all the complications of divorce :/ ill raise my kids to have safe sex and to be sure about the person and not throw themselves everywhere instead of waiting for marriage
by Anonymous 5 on May. 26, 2013 at 12:44 PM
1 mom liked this

This is pretty much what we've told our kids too! I also showed them what STD's look like such as herpes! I also made them read the symptoms of the different STD's and how some of them like herpes and HIV there is NO CURE!! I have 3 teen boys right now. They are all proud to admit they are still virgins and plan to stay that way until their wedding night! I am so proud of them!! They have a lot of friends who are teens that are still virgins as well! :) Thanks to my oldest son's example, a girl at his school has remained a virgin! She was dating this guy who was trying to pressure her into having sex! He gave her the old line' EVERYONE' is doing "IT!!!" She said, "Not "D"!!!! He's waiting until marriage!! (My oldest son is very popular in High School and a lot of kids look up to him). This guy went and talked to my son and asked him if he was still a virgin, and he admitted he is! The guy respected my son and stopped pressuring the girl he was dating!!

by on May. 26, 2013 at 12:46 PM

I would have said the same thing. Good for you!

by on May. 26, 2013 at 12:49 PM
2 moms liked this

Your girl sounds like a good one! I WISH that I had not had sex before marriage. Can't get it back though!

by Gold Member on May. 26, 2013 at 1:06 PM

I would tell my daughter that (like you did) it's natural to want to have sex before you find the right person for the lifelong commitment of marriage, but that it's best to wait to have sex until you find the right person to make that lifelong commitment to.

This is what I would tell my DD b/c we are Christians.  Therefore, we believe that it is wrong (and several sciences have proven that much trouble comes from it) to have sex with someone you are not married to.  We also believe (according to the Bible, words that Jesus said Himself) that divorce is not something that God approves of; therefore, one MUST be EXTREMELY careful in choosing whom one marries.  Additonally, the Bible also teaches that Christians are better off if they do not marry b/c it complicates life so much (especially when children come into the picture, which was essentially a foregone conclusion at the time) but that it is better to complicate one's life with spouse and children than it is for one's focus to be on sexual desire instead of the Will/Plans of God.

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