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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Help me plan out the bedrooms in our new home- step kid drama updated with our decision

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 114 Replies

 

Poll

Question: What do you think is best?

Options:

Your first idea

DF's, give her what she wants so she will come over.

Make her sleep on the couch if she comes over.

Other


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 130

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Me and DF will be getting married in August. We just bought a house together, it is the biggest (most bedrooms) that we could afford to buy. It is 5 bedrooms. Curentlly, we don't have money to add onto the house and I don't know if we ever will. I have 4 kids, I had them with my late DH meaning they will  be with us all of the time, they don't have another parent to go to. They are DD 14, DS 9, DD 7 and DS 5

He has 3 kids, 2 sons who will live with us SS 17 and SS 15. He also has a DD 15 (her and SS are twins) who lives with her mom. She will visit us every other weekend (her brothers will visit their mom on the opposite weekends.

We have found it is best that DD 14 and SD 15 not share a room ever. They get along ok if they have their space but if put too close together, it's not a good thing. SDD kind of picks on DD, she has stolen stuff from her before.

So I think the bedrooms should go like this

bedroom 1(master) me and DF

bedroom 2. DD 14

bedroom 3 DD 7

bedroom 4: DS 9 and DS 5

bedroom 5(is downstairs, it is the size of the master bedroom, but doesn't have a bathroom attached)  SS 17 and SS 15

When SDD comes to visit, she can sleep in DD (7) room and DD 7 will bunk with her sister (they are surprisingly close for the age gap).

Here is the problem, the court order stays that SDD can choose not to visit if she doesn't want to. She is now saying that if she doesn't have her own room in our home (24/7 her room, no one else's) then she won't visit. Meaning that all the kids who actually live here would be sharing so that she could have her own room for the 4 days a month (well and half the summer) she is here. DF wants to do it so that she will visit, they have had a hard time with their relationship lately. I told him there is no way I will go along with that. She has her own place to sleep while she is here and that should be enough. Honestly, her selfish demand makes me feel like saying when she is here, she can sleep on the couch.

OH and before someone points it out. I realize they are not yet my step children, but for the sake of the post, it is a lot faster to right SK.

Update

After some discussion between me and DF, we realized that my plan was the only fair way to go. I pointed out that if we give SDD what she wants then all of the kids who live with us will be sharing rooms (and the 3 upstairs bedrooms are pretty small) while SDD who won't even be living with us will get her own.

He called his DD and told her that having her own room in our house will not be possible. She threw a fit and said he is treating my kids better then her and that she won't be coming to see him anyone.

She will get over it. The next time she needs money for something she will be back.

Posted by Anonymous on May. 26, 2013 at 2:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 26, 2013 at 2:47 PM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 26, 2013 at 2:48 PM

BUMP!

KrissyKC
by Platinum Member on May. 26, 2013 at 2:54 PM
2 moms liked this

Have DH take her out and have a conversation.   Find out why she feels that way and maybe the issues can be addressed and fixed.   Maybe she wants a place for her things?   If so, maybe you can put a high shelf in DD7's closet?   Is she feeling left out?   Why not buy bunk beds for DD 14, and a place in HER room for SD 15's things.   The girls are closer in age.   Explain to her that with that many people in the family, that giving her a room of her own would be impossible if she LIVED there.   Give her the choice of her own "room" by using DD 7's room, or bunking with DD 14.    

If she gets angry and says, "fine, I won't visit."   Well, DH will have to stay strong and just tell her how much that will hurt his feelings and how much he will miss having her.   He can suggest that they go to lunch every other Sunday or something instead.   She is big enough to make her own choices.


kissesxoxo8882
by Gold Member on May. 26, 2013 at 2:58 PM

 I agree

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 26, 2013 at 2:59 PM

Df has talked to her. She feels that she shouldn't have to "lose" her own room at dads house because we are getting married (at his current place, he has 4 bedrooms so she does have her own there).

As I have said, she has stolen stuff from and often picks on dd 14 so, understandably, dd 14 doesn't want to share with her. It's not all about SDD and her comfort, my DD's feelings matter too.  The closets are so small, there really isn't room for her to store stuff and there isn't a need, she will only be here 4 days a month.



Quoting KrissyKC:

Have DH take her out and have a conversation.   Find out why she feels that way and maybe the issues can be addressed and fixed.   Maybe she wants a place for her things?   If so, maybe you can put a high shelf in DD7's closet?   Is she feeling left out?   Why not buy bunk beds for DD 14, and a place in HER room for SD 15's things.   The girls are closer in age.   Explain to her that with that many people in the family, that giving her a room of her own would be impossible if she LIVED there.   Give her the choice of her own "room" by using DD 7's room, or bunking with DD 14.    

If she gets angry and says, "fine, I won't visit."   Well, DH will have to stay strong and just tell her how much that will hurt his feelings and how much he will miss having her.   He can suggest that they go to lunch every other Sunday or something instead.   She is big enough to make her own choices.




Peytonsmom6308
by Gold Member on May. 26, 2013 at 3:01 PM
I have to say I think your plan signs fine, has she said what her issue with not having her own 24/7 room is?
kikibix
by Platinum Member on May. 26, 2013 at 3:01 PM

Something is missing here. Why does sd stay seperate from her twin and other brother and visit on opposite weekends? That is very very strange for them to not ever be together as a family. 

Miranda1127
by Platinum Member on May. 26, 2013 at 3:01 PM
5 moms liked this

 your first idea or the couch. She can take it or leave it. Her demands are ridiculous and selfish (as is not uncommon for 15yr olds). There are 7 kids involved, this decision should be in the best interest of everyone involvednot the one child who will be spending the least amount of time at your home. Unless that is, your girls don't have  problem permanentlysharing a room (it can't hurt to ask). If your girls are ok w/sharing a room, but later decide it's not working out, I would give them the option of splitting rooms at any time (due to their age gap).

Peytonsmom6308
by Gold Member on May. 26, 2013 at 3:02 PM
Maybe an extra dresser or stack of drawers then?

Quoting Anonymous:

Df has talked to her. She feels that she shouldn't have to "lose" her own room at dads house because we are getting married (at his current place, he has 4 bedrooms so she does have her own there).

As I have said, she has stolen stuff from and often picks on dd 14 so, understandably, dd 14 doesn't want to share with her. It's not all about SDD and her comfort, my DD's feelings matter too.  The closets are so small, there really isn't room for her to store stuff and there isn't a need, she will only be here 4 days a month.




Quoting KrissyKC:

Have DH take her out and have a conversation.   Find out why she feels that way and maybe the issues can be addressed and fixed.   Maybe she wants a place for her things?   If so, maybe you can put a high shelf in DD7's closet?   Is she feeling left out?   Why not buy bunk beds for DD 14, and a place in HER room for SD 15's things.   The girls are closer in age.   Explain to her that with that many people in the family, that giving her a room of her own would be impossible if she LIVED there.   Give her the choice of her own "room" by using DD 7's room, or bunking with DD 14.    

If she gets angry and says, "fine, I won't visit."   Well, DH will have to stay strong and just tell her how much that will hurt his feelings and how much he will miss having her.   He can suggest that they go to lunch every other Sunday or something instead.   She is big enough to make her own choices.





Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 26, 2013 at 3:03 PM

You misunderstand, or maybe I wasn't clear. She visits her dad every other weekend. On the opposite weekend, her brothers visit their mom. So on the weekends all 3 are together. She wanted to live with her mom, the boys wanted to live with their dad, that's why they live separately.



Quoting kikibix:

Something is missing here. Why does sd stay seperate from her twin and other brother and visit on opposite weekends? That is very very strange for them to not ever be together as a family. 



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