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Will it really matter that my kids don't have the same dads?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

So kind of a spin off of the "tacky" post, people saying women with more than 2 "baby daddies" (I kind of hate that term) are "tacky". I have two kids right now, My oldest from when I was married and my 1 year old from a recently ended year and a half relationship (yes I was pregnant before we started officially dating) Neither of my kids were planned, I was pregnant with my first before I got married, but then we were married before she was born, we divorced because he was a douche and I rushed into the marriage.

My recently ended relationship, we had been "seeing" each other for about a year and a half on and off and then I got pregnant, we started dating when I was a few months pregnant and had been together up until a few weeks ago when he dumped me saying he had no feelings for me...Anyway...

So I keep thinking about the future, how much it sucks that i wanted another baby (preferably a boy) and we had talked about another kid, so many future plans etc and I thought I found the one, but obviously he didn't feel the same way. I honestly don't know what happend because I don't believe he never had feelings for me, not with the way he used to be with me. So I pretty much had decided I am done dating, done with sex etc. I wanted a 3rd child but I didn't want to have yet another kid with a different father than my other 2.

I still am not looking to date any time soon, I'm still very upset over our break up but trying to make myself feel better. I am now on the Nexplanon implant for BC so no more oops babies (i seriously was dumb before). But if some day I decide I do want to date again and find someone to marry, how awful is it to have a 3rd child by a different man? I still have hopes that me and my recent ex will get back together, but if we don't then I hate to think I will never have another child.

I mean I hate that my kids right now have different dads, I hate having different last names (I went back to my maiden name after my divorce so both my kids have different last names than me) but in the long run of things, as long as the kids are happy, taken care of, etc, it shouldn't matter if I had a third somewhere down the road right? I mean my ex husband hasn't seen our daughter in nearly 5 months now, he's talked to her maybe 2 or 3 times this whole time and I hope some day he'll sign over his rights so if I do get married some day my dh could adopt her, but my second child, my recent ex will always be a great father and be in her life (which is good). My recent ex also has taken on my oldest as his own (I seriously thought one day we'd marry and he'd adopt her...)

Do you look down on women who have 3 different fathers for their kids? Not that I really care that much what CMers think, and it won't change any decisions I make, I'm just curious...

Posted by Anonymous on May. 26, 2013 at 3:11 PM
Replies (11-20):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on May. 26, 2013 at 3:36 PM
Who gives a shit what other people think. These bitches don't matter.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on May. 26, 2013 at 3:36 PM
I think its tacky and I would be embarrassed to have more than 1 baby daddy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 26, 2013 at 3:40 PM

 How so? Currently my oldest doesn't care at all that her sister has a different dad, she loved her even when she was still in my belly, they are 4 years apart.


Quoting Dzyre1115:

 It made a difference for my cousins.  You can see the divide between them because they all have different fathers.  Occasionally it fades but it always comes back.


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 26, 2013 at 3:41 PM

I suppose I could see that happening


Quoting funlovinlady:

Honestly it's caused issues in our house, my dh has been dad since ds was 8 months old his bio dad isn't in the picture. Now that ds is a teen he likes to use the you aren't my dad, my dad this n that cards ( his dad still isn't in the picture). It will come into play at some point of their lives.


 

Mommynwife26
by Gold Member on May. 26, 2013 at 3:42 PM
I have 2 with 2 different fathers but still with my youngest dd father. Honestly I don't think its horrible my mom had 4 by 3 different dads just one passed so teachnically 3. If my dh and I were to split I would make sure I cpuldnt have more kids because honestly id be too afraid of being in another failed relationship with another child in the mix but that's just me. But I don't look down on others cause I know how easily it could happen.
bcauseimthemom
by Ruby Member on May. 26, 2013 at 3:42 PM
3 moms liked this

Judgemental much?? Do you teach your children to be the same way??


My four children have three different biological fathers.


My oldest is from my first marriage, we were married three years before I got pregnant.  When my son was two going on three his father thought I would be cool with the idea of a girlfriend and a wife.... ummmmm, no.  We divorced.


I was a single mom, working fulltime and when I was 28 I got raped, from that rape resulted a pregnancy. My second son was born and he is the biggest blessing...ever.  So, he has a different biological father.


In 2003 I met my now husband. We will be married ten years in November. We have two daughters that he is the biological father to.  


Four children, three different bio donors.


My husband has wanted to adopt my second son since we got married.  I put it off because you never know what can happen.  Now that my son is going on 14 next month, the adoption will be taking place.  


My husband has never treated any of the children any differently from one another. 


I am blessed that not everyone is as close minded and judgemental as you are.  Maybe you should look in the mirror before you go throwing judgements around about other people for any reason.  If you are able to look yourself in the mirror and are able to honestly say that you have made no mistakes then judge, until then, why not work on your own mistakes and working on your own life.

Quoting momto3B:

I would have to say yes, I do look down on both women and men who have multiple children from multiple relattionships. It would seem that they make many bad decisions, their choice of partner (married or not), the pregnancies, planned or not. 

When dealing with children's lives, it seems more then a bit careless and selfish to keep making the same mistakes. 


MrsGonzales2
by on May. 26, 2013 at 3:45 PM
These women who are saying its tacky do not know anything that you went through between both fathers. My mother had 3 different babies from 3 different men(she is still with my little sisters dad) and i grew up respecting him& i love him just like he is my real father. Dont worry about what anyone says or calls you till the day you die people will always talk about you, you will find a man who.loves you,&your children. Its ok mama!! Dont beat yourself up!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on May. 26, 2013 at 3:45 PM

Not really as long as you've made provisions in case of your untimely death.

I have a friend who had 4 kids by 3 different men and passed away unexpectantly.

her two eldest went with their father and her two youngest were split up, one with the father and one with her sister (his father is in the wind)

It was devastating losing their mother and siblings all at once


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on May. 26, 2013 at 3:47 PM

I was young and dumb, I'll admit that, but kids having different dads doesn't to me mean I'm selfish...not like I wanted them to have different dads...if i have any more kids (probably would be only one) then that one will be planned. My BC lasts for a few years.My kids will have a good life whether or not they'd have different dads. Heck my most recent ex continues to still be more of a father to my oldest than her own dad, so without him she'd have not father figure...if I had had 2 kids with my ex husband then neither would have a father figure right now.... 


Quoting momto3B:

I would have to say yes, I do look down on both women and men who have multiple children from multiple relattionships. It would seem that they make many bad decisions, their choice of partner (married or not), the pregnancies, planned or not. 

When dealing with children's lives, it seems more then a bit careless and selfish to keep making the same mistakes. 


 

Pooobaihr
by Platinum Member on May. 26, 2013 at 3:48 PM

It really all depends.  For the most part, No I don't look down on chicks who have more than one "baby daddy". Not just because I have more than one, but because I know things happen in relationships to where you do end up with someone else along the way and a child may come of that relationship.

But then you have those girls who actually TRY and trap men and have a kid with every guy they get with.  I know someone with 7 kids and 5 different baby daddies.  All of her kids are 2 to 3 years apart. The most recent is barely a year younger than the last and she got pregnant right when he was talking about leaving her.

So.... No. I don't look down on MOST women, but there are some who I do give the side eye to.

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