I am sure we have all been there, money is tight, kids are going absolutely insane, house is tore up and you can only handle so much. Yes, this is the point I am at right now. I am so frustrated because it's 2 weeks til payday and there isn't enough groceries in the house, I have enough for the kids and that is what is important but damn i'm actually pretty hungry. I have lived off coffee now for like a week straight, my kids are fed this makes me happy.
I am frustrated because there is a family reunion of sorts tonight, I don't have a car and my cousin is set to pick me up. Problem, I have no money and where as my parents offered to pay for me I can't in good conscience make them pay, for one they are in about the same shape that I am and two I have a lot of stubborn pride. Though it will be nice to go and get a break from the stress around this house and enjoy a couple hours kid free.
I am at my wits end with everything, I don't know whether I am coming or going and the depression just keeps getting deeper and darker. I have no support system, only thing that keeps me hanging on is my children. Even with their arguing they are still precious to me and I couldn't leave them in a messed up situation.
I honestly for once in my life have no idea what to do. I am usually the one who keeps it together, I figure everything out, I get stuff done and everything usually works fine, not this time around though. I don't know how much more I can possibly handle, I am being looked at to solve the problems of the house. I am trying to be strong for everyone that is here and yet I feel like pulling my hair out and screaming and just giving up.
So, that is my rant for the day, sorry if it seems whiny I am just frustrated and have no one to vent to. And please don't bash on me because really I have already bashed on myself enough for all of you women combined. Thanks for listening.
UPDATE: Thank you ladies for all of your kind words and support. Honestly, when I started this rant I dont' know what I was expecting. I have read your comments and will be taking your suggestions into serious consideration. I am tearing up over here with the support you have all shown. Thank you again.
UPDATE #2: Once again, I thank all of you ladies who were encouraging, I did infact actually go out and spend time with my family. It also helped me reflect on some changes that I need to make in my life to ensure that everything is taken care of. You have all helped inspire me and lifted my spirits I truly appreciate all of you who had kind words and advice to share!