I'm not sure what I'm asking or where I'm going with this...
A little back story. (I'm using false names BTW) My BFF Diane met Jack in college. They got married. Everyone thought they were the perfect couple. They can't keep off each other. They were so in love. Six years go by, they have started their careers, bought a home and finally got pregnant. The baby is born.
The minute the baby is born Diane is a different woman. The baby is her world. The day she comes home from the hospital, she literally kicks Jack out of the bedroom and makes it hers and the baby's. Jack is sleeping on the sofa. Jack allows this, thinking it is "new baby jitters and excitement" and lets it go. She then tells Jack she is quitting her job and will be a SAHM. Again, Jack makes more than enough to support them, so he says fine, he loves his wife, if that is what makes her happy so be it. They will just cut back a super luxuries. We as friends try to get her to go out with us and she refuses, she will not leave the baby with anyone else, not even Jack. She never lets Jack hold his own son. She never puts the baby down. I have offered to baby sit so she and Jack could go out and get dinner together and she refuses. She will not leave the baby. In the beginning, I associate it to being a new mother. But now "Tommy" is 9 months old. Diane has not slept with Jack in 9 months. He is still on the sofa. "Tommy" is delayed in a lot of areas because Diane will not put him down and let him experience things. Most moms will put a baby down for tummy time to strengthen their necks and backs, etc. at 5-6 months start working with them on sitting up. But not Diane, She still cradles him in her arms. He is not on baby food yet, I just got her to start him on cereal with his breast milk!
So this is the part I'm really writing about: Tonight, Jack was at my house, Dh was helping him work on his truck. I had just put my kids to bed and was in the kitchen cleaning up the dinner dishes when I heard a noise behind me, It was Jack. He looked so beat down. I asked him if he was ok. He told me he couldn't take it anymore with Diane. He loved her but she was pushing him away. She doesn't touch him, she doesn't acknowledge him. She doesn't make him feel like a man, a husband or a father. He came up really close to me and told me he desperately wants to feel that way again, just for a second. I asked him if he has talked to her and he said talking does no good. He then stepped in closer and then kissed me really lightly on my lips. I backed away immediately. I told him that he is to never do that again. That was the utmost disrespectful thing he could have ever done to myself and my husband. He looked like he was about to cry. I felt so bad for him. I know he didn't mean it. I went up to him, I hugged him, making sure to keep my face from his, and then stepped away. I told him I loved him, but I couldn't help him like that. I told him that I know he loves Diane and that I know if he did do that, he would never forgive himself. I told him that they need to get into therapy quickly before their marriage ends. I promised to do my best to help him get her into therapy. The poor guy was crying, he had to go to the bathroom to compose himself. He was in there for about 15 minutes then he finally came out. You can tell he had been crying the whole time. He sat on the sofa and we talked for an hour about how I can help him get her into counseling with him. He kept apologizing for what he did, so I know he didn't mean it. He is going to find a therapist on Tuesday and let me know and I'm going to pick up Diane and the baby and take them to their appointment, we will meet Jack there. I don't care if she gets mad at me for that part, I have to try something.
I know my friend needs help, I have no idea what is going on with her. And yes, these are things I have seen with my own eyes when we visit their home. She doesn't hide how she is from anyone.
Should I tell her what happened with Jack? Dh knows the whole situation. He was really upset at first, but because nothing really happened, he has cooled down. And yes I told Dh, I don't hide anything from my husband. Dh says I should tell her so it will open her eyes that she might lose her husband. But I don't know if that is how she will see it.