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Is it wrong of me to feel this way about my mom???

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies
Ok, my mom tries to control. This has been all my life, but ill only give one example to save length: when my daughter was two, my mom wasn't living with me at the time. She kept telling me how to live my life (I.e. when to work, when to be home, when I should hang out with friends etc.). Obviously, I didn't listen...who the hell would???? Well, neways, she decided to get a whole bunch of her friends together to speak out against me just so she could threaten to take custody of my daughter if I didn't listen...I didn't know any better...so I did. What could I do? I felt at a loss.

Well, she and I ended up having a fall out right before my fiance and I got together. So I wasn't really talking to her (when shed call, id ignore it, etc). Problem is, my mom is really good friends with my fiances mom...so she started bugging his mom about how I won't answer my phone and complaining she's finding out things through her and not me.

So I started talking to her again. She helped watch our kids a few times (remember, I said a FEW times) and she started explaining she might not be able to keep her car. (Back story short, my mom has no job and trying for disability because she really can't work...too much is wrong with her) my fiance and I offered to pay her car off with income tax this year because we figured in case something happens, we have someone to drive kids around and whatnot.

About two weeks ago, however, I heard shed been running her mouth about how we don't pay her to babysit. When it was brought up about the car payment, my mom flat out told my fiances mom that it "barely touched last year's babysitting". And yes, I believe she would say that because she's said so much sh*t in her life about everything.

I confronted her about it and she said she had never said that. And we moved on. A couple days later, she and I got in another fight because she was telling me how to take care of my finances (mind you, she's living with my uncle because she has no job and can't afford anything and whatever $$ she gets, she spends at yard sales. So she's the last person I'm taking advice from on how to spend MY money). Neways, my fiance and I were talking about this little pedal truck her neighbor had at her yard sale and it was only $7. I figured that was a good price and told my fiance to pick it up. By the time he got there though, it was sold and my mom mentioned these battery opperated cars. My fiance said check the price but he wasn't sure if I had seen them and/or considered them. When I saw him, I told him no because I did see them. They were $50!!! Which is something we just don't have the money to be spending on right now... my mom decided to call though and I had said a couple times "yeah no, I saw it, it's too much..." but even with my statement she said "you need to watch what you're doing with your money" and I went off telling her that was rude of her because and then she interuppted me to say I owed her $50 for buying a few things for the weedding that is coming this aug. She brought up how shed like some new pants and to go shopping and whatever. Wtf!?!?!? So would I...maybe if she stopped going to all those yard sales or going out to eat, she wouldn't have any problem with new pants.

Then lastly, we got in an arguement when she tried to point out at a birthday party a couple days later my son's cradle cap and saying very loudly "are you sure you're giving him a bath? He wouldn't have this if you bathed him" yes I bathe my son!!! Why the hell would someone not bathe their child???

I tried telling her the next day how these things upset me and she just went off on these little temper tantrums and not once obsorbing anything I said for consideration. My fiance and I can deal with it anymore. He's about to blow up in her face over the crap she's pulled over just the past year alone. I'm actually surprised he hasn't already.

So anyways...so for the long rant but here's my question: I kindof want to discuss with my mom one last time to let her know things need to change. And if she doesn't change, or if she doesn't seem to want to listen, I want to cut off all ties with her. I feel bad because my daughter actually grew a bond with her over the years but idk how much more we can handle of her bickering and if she and I keep getting in fights, shell either find a way to screw us over or do what she did another time:posted on facebook how I'm apparently called her stupid and let her friend completely bash the hell out of me and my brothers completely public, and right there for all my friends to see.

I also am thinking if she can't change, I would renig on taking her to move to n.c. with us. We were talking about giving her a home, maybe even finding a mil suite so she didn't have to be around us all 24/7. But as my fiance was explaining to me, my mom reminds him a lot of the book "if you give a mouse a cookie...." makes sense...ugh
Posted by Anonymous on May. 29, 2013 at 5:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
justpeachy71904
by peachy on May. 29, 2013 at 5:18 AM
1 mom liked this
Your mom reminds me of my mom. She is all about her. Ex. At my wedding my mom "forgot to eat" thus as we were taking portraits her sugar crashed and the attn focused on her.

Very obnoxious.

No you shouldn't have to pay her to keep.your kids.

Look that will damage your relationship, her being here often. Trust me :( my mom wasn't in my life until I was 16. I only see her 2 times a yr now. And she doesn't really like her grand daughters, I mean she doesn't know how to be motherly. So we approach her with gloves.

Just be careful. Your anger towards her will boil over.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 29, 2013 at 5:20 AM
1 mom liked this
I'd have been done with her a long time ago.... Just because she gave birth to you doesn't mean you owe her anything. There is no way I'd put up with all of that without giving her a good old fashioned silent treatment...indefinitely.
Constant_Reader
by on May. 29, 2013 at 5:20 AM
1 mom liked this
Do.not.move.your.mother.in.with.you!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 29, 2013 at 5:27 AM
Oh wow...your mom sounds like a gem. We actually have decided to have my fiances brother (who used to bounce for bars) keep an eye on my mom and has full reign to kick her out if deemed necessary.

My big problem is that she actually does seem to care about my daughter and my daughter cares for her so I almost feel like I can't just not talk for two years and then see her again...if it wasn't for that, I wouldn't care.


Quoting justpeachy71904:

Your mom reminds me of my mom. She is all about her. Ex. At my wedding my mom "forgot to eat" thus as we were taking portraits her sugar crashed and the attn focused on her.



Very obnoxious.



No you shouldn't have to pay her to keep.your kids.



Look that will damage your relationship, her being here often. Trust me :( my mom wasn't in my life until I was 16. I only see her 2 times a yr now. And she doesn't really like her grand daughters, I mean she doesn't know how to be motherly. So we approach her with gloves.



Just be careful. Your anger towards her will boil over.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 29, 2013 at 5:49 AM
Bump
mattiehatter
by Mary on May. 29, 2013 at 6:01 AM
Oh good I'm not the only one with a scene stealing mother during a wedding. My mother showed up in a corset dress with her boobs spilling everywhere. So awesome I tell you.


Quoting justpeachy71904:

Your mom reminds me of my mom. She is all about her. Ex. At my wedding my mom "forgot to eat" thus as we were taking portraits her sugar crashed and the attn focused on her.



Very obnoxious.



No you shouldn't have to pay her to keep.your kids.



Look that will damage your relationship, her being here often. Trust me :( my mom wasn't in my life until I was 16. I only see her 2 times a yr now. And she doesn't really like her grand daughters, I mean she doesn't know how to be motherly. So we approach her with gloves.



Just be careful. Your anger towards her will boil over.

mattiehatter
by Mary on May. 29, 2013 at 6:06 AM
I'm harsh when it comes to mothers like this because this is my grandmother (Weeeeell your post describes her) . I don't tolerate negative crap and have a tendency to be very direct to the point it's perceived as cruel by my mother and grandmother (overly sensitive twat wallets). I wouldn't consider moving my mother anywhere near me. Ever.
Rhodin
by Ruby Member on May. 29, 2013 at 6:12 AM
If she's that annoying, then it makes sense that you've annoyed.
Maybe you should threaten to throw her into a nursing home next time she runs her mouth
idunno1234
by Gold Member on May. 29, 2013 at 6:25 AM

Well....to answer your title question- obviously not.  You have a right to feel any.way you want about anybody.

I also have a mom who is...well, lets just say she's a force of nature.  Years ago, when my two oldest were little and before my two youngest were born a series of events happened that made me seriously consider cutting my mom off, including from her grandchildren.  She had been abusive growing up, had admitted to the error of her ways but was still a very angry, highly self absorbed person.

Flash forward many years and I can honestly say that she has been one of the best influences on my kids' lives.  She hikes around the world and although she is slowing down a bit (she's almost 83), she has been a great example for my kids to see and I can't imagine them not having her in their lives.  And although she still annoys the hell out of me sometimes, I am supremely grateful for the emotional support she has given me during some awful times.

I realize that my mom isn't yours.  My mother, while far from perfect, has admitted to the things that she did wrong when we were growing up.  I don't get the impression that your mom would take responsibility for her actions but to be fair, we are only hearing your side. 

I know the move complicates things and forces you to make a decision regarding your mom but generally speaking, you need to let go of the anger you have towards your mom, for your sake as well as your daughter's.  You can't make her change anymore than she can make you change so you need to accept that she is who she is and keep her in your daughter's life which is a positive for your daughter or decide that you can't accept her the way she is, detach and your daughter will have minimal contact with her grandma.

You will find that by letting go, it will be like a huge weight has been lifted off.   Her actions and what she says does not have to affect you anymore.  Try understanding where she is coming from, how she was raised, why she has the insecurities she does- in other words, empathize and it will make letting go of your anger towards her much, much easier. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 29, 2013 at 6:24 PM
In regards to my mom taking responsibility, she had abused us as children also and admitted to it and apologized. I've forgiven her for it. I'm past that. But she went from physical abuse to verbal...she will still bring up my weight etc at the most inappropriate times. Id like to keep her in my life and I'm actually usually very easy going...but my mom pushes my buttons to the point I'm taking it out on everyone else...and that's not healthy...I just don't know what to do anymore...or how to do it...


Quoting idunno1234:

Well....to answer your title question- obviously not.  You have a right to feel any.way you want about anybody.


I also have a mom who is...well, lets just say she's a force of nature.  Years ago, when my two oldest were little and before my two youngest were born a series of events happened that made me seriously consider cutting my mom off, including from her grandchildren.  She had been abusive growing up, had admitted to the error of her ways but was still a very angry, highly self absorbed person.


Flash forward many years and I can honestly say that she has been one of the best influences on my kids' lives.  She hikes around the world and although she is slowing down a bit (she's almost 83), she has been a great example for my kids to see and I can't imagine them not having her in their lives.  And although she still annoys the hell out of me sometimes, I am supremely grateful for the emotional support she has given me during some awful times.


I realize that my mom isn't yours.  My mother, while far from perfect, has admitted to the things that she did wrong when we were growing up.  I don't get the impression that your mom would take responsibility for her actions but to be fair, we are only hearing your side. 


I know the move complicates things and forces you to make a decision regarding your mom but generally speaking, you need to let go of the anger you have towards your mom, for your sake as well as your daughter's.  You can't make her change anymore than she can make you change so you need to accept that she is who she is and keep her in your daughter's life which is a positive for your daughter or decide that you can't accept her the way she is, detach and your daughter will have minimal contact with her grandma.


You will find that by letting go, it will be like a huge weight has been lifted off.   Her actions and what she says does not have to affect you anymore.  Try understanding where she is coming from, how she was raised, why she has the insecurities she does- in other words, empathize and it will make letting go of your anger towards her much, much easier. 


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