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Tell me about autism

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 16 Replies
We are in the process of getting my son diagnosed with either SPD or autism. The lady that evlauted him yesterday was leaning towards autism.

Tell me what therapies your child is involved in? How do you handle your child?

I've never really dealt with a special needs child.

I am so thankful to be getting some help I've been at my wits end with him. Getting answers to why he acts the way he does and help with handling his outburst and tantrums will be so wonderful, but I want to prepare mysel.

My son is recently adopted and since his BM kept going bak and forth with the idea of adoption it wa really hard for me to bond with him. Until the adoption was finalized I was scared to bond in fear she might change her mind. So our relationship is not the best.

He really prefers my husband over me, and doenst really let me cuddle or comfort him.

Also I'm the kid of parent that doesn't give in to tantrums. It is completely against my nature to do so, and I'm worried that the therapist is going to recommend that I don't ignore his tantrums but give in to them.

This is all sort of my thoughts so please don't bash.

I'm very thankful for the help that we will be getting, but I'm nervous at the same time.

What if I can't do this?

Posted by Anonymous on May. 29, 2013 at 10:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 29, 2013 at 10:21 AM
I'm sorry or all the typos. I'm trying to multi task.
lizard3731
by Silver Member on May. 29, 2013 at 10:27 AM

I have an autistic 4 year old.  I never really dealt with special needs children, either.  It's hard sometimes.  My thought on tantrums:  I usually don't give in to them and don't think you have to.  I try to distract my son with something else.  Or just let him have to tantrum if he's not hurting anyone.  Good luck!

melodyhour
by Platinum Member on May. 29, 2013 at 10:41 AM
I don't know, I think every autistic kid is different. Mine just babbled and flapped and hit himself (when he was happy not mad) until he was close to 3. He was very friendly, but selfish and had horrible meltdowns. I hated going to the park or story time because I knew he was going to be agressive with other kids, hit them and throw screaming fits.

He starting talking about age 3 and started to become a huge rule follower. I don't know if he knows why he has to follow the rules, but it is important to him. I think it is important to lay out clear boundaries and always remain calm. My autistic son gets very panicky when anyone is upset.

He is 6 now and is in a regular kindergarden. He has a lot of friends and I have never seen him be mean. He loves everyone. I tell him that is important and he is eager to please. Sometimes socializing is hard, because he can't do what the other kids do. His gross and fine motor skills are not up to par, he cries about this out of frustration. He isvery gentle and gravitates to the girls. He never acts out and is always enforsing the rules.

He is very type A and has sees patterns in everything. He is very good with technology and math. He always has to be on time and everything hAs to be organized. being late or losing something will cause a meltdown. we were 1 min late to yoga yesterday and he lost his mind. He stims when he is happy, which honestly sometimes embarrasses me. I get over it.

Overall I think just model good behavior, constantly reinforce the person that you know he can be. I'm not worried about my son at all, I know he is a good kid and will be a great man.
melodyhour
by Platinum Member on May. 29, 2013 at 10:42 AM
1 mom liked this
Wow did not realize that was so long..lol
ZsMommy
by on May. 29, 2013 at 10:58 AM

First and foremost-a quick education: please stop using the word "tantrum" unless it's a true one.

There IS a difference. What is the difference you ask?  Allow me to explain.

Tantrums are short bursts of self centered anger,solely centered on the individual and the moment.

Meltdowns ARE NOT tantrums. Meltdowns are based on fears within one's own mind. What might seem irrational to someone (ie: why are they terrified of a butterfly? It's 'just" a butterfly) to the mind of an autists,(things,people,sounds,change in routine) can be terrifying.

And meltdowns last a long time,some can even last hours-basically think of the person in shell shock-until that barrier that they put up around themselves is lifted-and they self sooth,all you can do is work through that meltdown.

Tantrums burn out quick-ME ME ME-It's based on want. Those need immediate correction with follow up conversation.

Meltdowns can take a lot of work to get through,anywhere from getting down to eye level,sitting on the floor rocking your child in a firm bear hug,some autists prefer "brushing"...it's a learning experience as to what helps,and a draining experience. really-it's learn as you go since each autistic child is different.

Now-let me say-it's a million times worse if the child is non verbal...between the ages of 3 and 7 (don't ask "why" those years-but anyone who's "survived" them knows what I mean. By age 7 things start to balance out tween child and parent and you may find meltdowns are less frequent and don't last as long.

If the child is non verbal-or echoalic (meaning they just repeat what is said aka "Parrot speech") it's going to be hard because they can't communicate to you what's wrong,you have no clue if your words are making sense. It's draining on both ends.

I've survived those years and now my daughter is in the next phase,autism & puberty. You think hormones and regular kids is bad? Try the emotional roller coaster when you add in autism.

Anyhow-it's not the end of the world,just the scenic route.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 29, 2013 at 11:18 AM
Thank you that was very informative. He is 2 and non verbal. We are starting with speech therapy stat. I think he has a mix of tantrums and meltdowns. Or episodes that start as a tantrum and turn into a meltdown.

A lot of his issues is he wants what he wants and he wants it NOW. He sees me cooking scrambled eggs and wants them from the moment I pull the eggs out of the fridge. I tell him I have to cook them first. He throws himself down on the floor and bangs his head until they are ready. Then I put them on a plate, but they have to cool first. I try explaining the process but I don't think he listens to what I'm saying.

He is very determined. When he wants something whether he can have it or my hes going to get it. Distraction doesn't work either.

He's also a self harmer when he doesn't get things his way exactly or he pinches, bites, and pulls his own hair.




Quoting ZsMommy:

First and foremost-a quick education: please stop using the word "tantrum" unless it's a true one.

There IS a difference. What is the difference you ask?  Allow me to explain.

Tantrums are short bursts of self centered anger,solely centered on the individual and the moment.

Meltdowns ARE NOT tantrums. Meltdowns are based on fears within one's own mind. What might seem irrational to someone (ie: why are they terrified of a butterfly? It's 'just" a butterfly) to the mind of an autists,(things,people,sounds,change in routine) can be terrifying.

And meltdowns last a long time,some can even last hours-basically think of the person in shell shock-until that barrier that they put up around themselves is lifted-and they self sooth,all you can do is work through that meltdown.

Tantrums burn out quick-ME ME ME-It's based on want. Those need immediate correction with follow up conversation.

Meltdowns can take a lot of work to get through,anywhere from getting down to eye level,sitting on the floor rocking your child in a firm bear hug,some autists prefer "brushing"...it's a learning experience as to what helps,and a draining experience. really-it's learn as you go since each autistic child is different.

Now-let me say-it's a million times worse if the child is non verbal...between the ages of 3 and 7 (don't ask "why" those years-but anyone who's "survived" them knows what I mean. By age 7 things start to balance out tween child and parent and you may find meltdowns are less frequent and don't last as long.

If the child is non verbal-or echoalic (meaning they just repeat what is said aka "Parrot speech") it's going to be hard because they can't communicate to you what's wrong,you have no clue if your words are making sense. It's draining on both ends.

I've survived those years and now my daughter is in the next phase,autism & puberty. You think hormones and regular kids is bad? Try the emotional roller coaster when you add in autism.

Anyhow-it's not the end of the world,just the scenic route.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 29, 2013 at 11:24 AM
Thank you or he insight. It is very frustrating when we are out in public and he has a meltdown.

I try going to the park and story time at the library hoping that if I keep exposing him to social situations he will learn.

When things start going sour in public and I can't calm him, my first instinct is to leave, but it's not fair to my other kids. Sometimes we do leave and my oldest becomes resentful. A lot of times my oldest is having fun and we has to leave because my younger child is having a meltdown.


Quoting melodyhour:

I don't know, I think every autistic kid is different. Mine just babbled and flapped and hit himself (when he was happy not mad) until he was close to 3. He was very friendly, but selfish and had horrible meltdowns. I hated going to the park or story time because I knew he was going to be agressive with other kids, hit them and throw screaming fits.



He starting talking about age 3 and started to become a huge rule follower. I don't know if he knows why he has to follow the rules, but it is important to him. I think it is important to lay out clear boundaries and always remain calm. My autistic son gets very panicky when anyone is upset.



He is 6 now and is in a regular kindergarden. He has a lot of friends and I have never seen him be mean. He loves everyone. I tell him that is important and he is eager to please. Sometimes socializing is hard, because he can't do what the other kids do. His gross and fine motor skills are not up to par, he cries about this out of frustration. He isvery gentle and gravitates to the girls. He never acts out and is always enforsing the rules.



He is very type A and has sees patterns in everything. He is very good with technology and math. He always has to be on time and everything hAs to be organized. being late or losing something will cause a meltdown. we were 1 min late to yoga yesterday and he lost his mind. He stims when he is happy, which honestly sometimes embarrasses me. I get over it.



Overall I think just model good behavior, constantly reinforce the person that you know he can be. I'm not worried about my son at all, I know he is a good kid and will be a great man.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 29, 2013 at 11:24 AM
Thank you or he insight. It is very frustrating when we are out in public and he has a meltdown.

I try going to the park and story time at the library hoping that if I keep exposing him to social situations he will learn.

When things start going sour in public and I can't calm him, my first instinct is to leave, but it's not fair to my other kids. Sometimes we do leave and my oldest becomes resentful. A lot of times my oldest is having fun and we has to leave because my younger child is having a meltdown.


Quoting melodyhour:

I don't know, I think every autistic kid is different. Mine just babbled and flapped and hit himself (when he was happy not mad) until he was close to 3. He was very friendly, but selfish and had horrible meltdowns. I hated going to the park or story time because I knew he was going to be agressive with other kids, hit them and throw screaming fits.



He starting talking about age 3 and started to become a huge rule follower. I don't know if he knows why he has to follow the rules, but it is important to him. I think it is important to lay out clear boundaries and always remain calm. My autistic son gets very panicky when anyone is upset.



He is 6 now and is in a regular kindergarden. He has a lot of friends and I have never seen him be mean. He loves everyone. I tell him that is important and he is eager to please. Sometimes socializing is hard, because he can't do what the other kids do. His gross and fine motor skills are not up to par, he cries about this out of frustration. He isvery gentle and gravitates to the girls. He never acts out and is always enforsing the rules.



He is very type A and has sees patterns in everything. He is very good with technology and math. He always has to be on time and everything hAs to be organized. being late or losing something will cause a meltdown. we were 1 min late to yoga yesterday and he lost his mind. He stims when he is happy, which honestly sometimes embarrasses me. I get over it.



Overall I think just model good behavior, constantly reinforce the person that you know he can be. I'm not worried about my son at all, I know he is a good kid and will be a great man.

Mrsangeltoes
by on May. 29, 2013 at 11:26 AM
I have no advice but here is a bump for you. Good luck
AliKatAK47
by Meanie Pants on May. 29, 2013 at 11:29 AM

That sounds more like RAD (Reactive attachment Disorder) than autism. He never bonded with anyone so now he can't. Its common in adopted children. For a long time we feared my youngest had that (or autism). RAD and Autism have some of the same symptoms such as meltdowns, tantrums and not being able to hold eye contact but in many cases kids with RAD become violent towards the people around them as a way to cut off attachments and break off bonds that never really formed.

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