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LEAVING!!!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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DH and I have been together since 2004. We have our ups and down like every other couple, nothing major at all. Recently we received permanent custody of his kids. A is the oldest and N is the youngest, both are teens.

A is so defiant and thinks the sun rises when he does and the world revolves around him and no one can tell him different attitude. You can go out of the way for and try to show him its okay I love you and want you to be safe here. Also, things are not like they were at your mothers. You are safe and very much loved here. He has had a very long and hard life and was always they had to be on the run with her. Their mother is in prison and will not be getting out for at least 8 years. The state and the courts given us full custody and took away her rights to her children. 


A hates the fact DH is with me and not his mother. Those two have not been together since 2000. DH will not stand up to his son and tell him look these are the rules and you will follow them. No hitting, yelling at, hurting others. There is respect for each other etc. Not a lot of rules to follow but these are a MUST. Every day has been a freaking nightmare. DH and I have 2 other children together and A will not stop tormenting them. A will stay up until late at night and keep going in and checking to see if we are sleeping or not. So now I do not sleep at night, just during the day while kids are at school.

He told me the other day I cannot tell him what to do bc I was not his mother. I told him, you are absolutly right that I am not your mother BUT I am your guardian and you will listen and do as I tell you. I told him that I made a choice to love you and who else can say that about you. I told him look I do not have to make sure you are entertained, you have all the little extras that you have. My "job" is to provide you with food. A home. An education and medical care. I can start treating in this way of you want since I am not your mother. He said no he did not want that. Okay well act right then. 


A told DH the other day that he did not want him with me bc I have rules and he did not like the rules and they should move out. DH told him that those rules were not just made by me but made by him as well. DH also told him that he was not leaving me bc he wanted him to and that we are all a family and that is how it is. 


I am getting A and really all of us into counseling bc we all could be as a family if we can work through these issues. We dont really have any major issues with N he is happy and doing very well. He is very satisfied being here and never want to be any wheres else. 


What would you do if you were me? I am going to keep loving him and keep showing him that he is part of the family. DH backs up the rules and all. What do you ladies think?

Posted by Anonymous on May. 29, 2013 at 1:18 PM
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ttriddick
by Gold Member on May. 29, 2013 at 1:24 PM
I think that 1- he is a teen. They all think the sun and world revolve around them and 2- he has had a really really tough life. Hang in there. This wont be fixed over night and maybe not in half a decade. Love him and enforce the rules. Hugs mama. Sounds tough, I'm so sorry.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 29, 2013 at 1:28 PM
1 mom liked this

Thanks. I am trying. I told DH don't be surprised if I am in a ball crying when he comes home don't be suprised. LOL  I also try to think that if something ever happened to DH and I, like death, I would want the new wife treat my bio kids well. So I am trying to treat them as I would want my bio kids treated

Quoting ttriddick:

I think that 1- he is a teen. They all think the sun and world revolve around them and 2- he has had a really really tough life. Hang in there. This wont be fixed over night and maybe not in half a decade. Love him and enforce the rules. Hugs mama. Sounds tough, I'm so sorry.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 29, 2013 at 1:38 PM

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