Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

im so f_(king confused.... if you have left an abusive/controling relationship I need your help.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 21 Replies
so I left my ex two weeks ago, and for a week he acted like he still loved me, wanted me back etc, then out of no where he is throwing this new female in my face trying to get me to snap.

that fight endded with him choking me. he had been controlling before but he never got physical with me. so that was all new. he and I are done, yet I want to try to convince him to come back to me... I miss him and love him and I know I can't... thay I shouldn't whatever... I don't know how to stop feeling like this is a mess...
Posted by Anonymous on May. 31, 2013 at 5:42 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 31, 2013 at 5:45 AM
DON'T. HE WON'T CHANGE. GET SOME THERAPY/ COUNSELING. IT WILL HELP.
Telo319
by on May. 31, 2013 at 5:48 AM
If he would put another woman in your face he doesn't love you. Think about yourself and children first. Would you want your daughter to abused because she loved her SO or bf? I know you love him but you have to love you more.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 31, 2013 at 5:48 AM

Seek counseling!!!  Don't go back!!!  No one deserves that! :)

Tatiana7
by Platinum Member on May. 31, 2013 at 5:50 AM
2 moms liked this
It's because you are co-dependent on his behavior. It takes time to retrain your brain processed to realize this behavior of his isn't normal.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 31, 2013 at 5:51 AM

so, you want him back so he can KILL you this time???????  wake up girl...

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on May. 31, 2013 at 5:58 AM

You you respect yourself, because if you bak you don't. I actually got hurt physically once in one of my relationships and I called the police, got a restraining order and moved out. I felt that feeling where I wanted to stay ith him because he is what I knew and I didn't want to start all over looking for a companion, that was a dumb reason and I knew it. My heart was still there but my brain was saying grow up and just in time a episode of Maury came on and they showed abusive relationships and they showed the women in caskets to scare the men so they know what will happen when they continue to abuse their wives and go and had me touched and I said I don't want that. Dude was so controlling on Maury he didn't even let his gd walk outside with her head up and when she did look up he thought she was looking at men and beat her, smh I said couldn't be me and kept it moving. And that fact he brings a girl in your face shows he is childish and doesn't care about you, wisen up sweetie, you will thank yourself later

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 31, 2013 at 6:01 AM

You get some counseling and gain some self worth before hooking up with any more assholes, and hopefully after counseling, you won't hook up with assholes ever again....THAT'S how you stop feeling like a mess...QUIT giving control over YOUR happiness to someone else...they don't deserve it.  

JacksMom1221
by Platinum Member on May. 31, 2013 at 6:07 AM
2 moms liked this
I know the feeling. Like even though you hate him, you almost panic thinking that you'll be without him. Trust me, don't go back. The moment you do you'll feel relief for about an hour maybe, then the reality that you're right back into the den with the lion sets in and you'll cry. I've been there. I left and went back to my ex soo many times that when I told people we broke up they rolled their eyes and said "How long til you go back?" And that's how I lost my friends and support system.
The other woman was just a ploy to make you jealous and want him back. And it worked, you talked but fought, and he won. There is an abuse cycle, classic to all abusers, where there is violence, then a honeymoon phase where they're sweet as can be, "oh honey you're so beautiful", showers of gifts. Then it starts to fade into the controlling behaviors, and more and more controlling until physical violence,then the cycle repeats.
I know from my own experience that it is so hard to leave. I felt like I was abandoning him instead of trying to fix this imperfectly perfect relationship we had. And I know that most women will go back an average of 7 times before leaving their abuser for good.
I assume you have a child. For the sake and safety of your Lo, please stay gone. He's choking you now, it doesn't get better. My ex did that to me. Slammed my head into the floor, took his shirt off, wrapped it around my neck and choked me. But you need to keep your child safe and healthy. Stay gone. Call a domestic violence or battered women's shelter and talk to someone. Pm me if you want, I understand what you're going through. But think about your child and stay gone.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on May. 31, 2013 at 6:07 AM
It will get a little worse each time you have a fightt. Its up to you...you either want to live like that, or not. It doesnt stop yoy from loving him when you leave and thats where confusion comes in.
Tinabee88
by Platinum Member on May. 31, 2013 at 6:10 AM

As hard as it is he's just trying to make you jealous by throwing the other woman in your face because he knows you're likely to fight to be back with him. Don't let him see you grovel. Move on and focus on something positive like your children/job/school/etc.

This man will ruin any future relationships you have if you don't learn how to completely let him go. You can and do deserve better.

Please go to this website they offer a 24 hour online chat:

http://www.loveisrespect.org/

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)