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Does this make me heartless?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 28 Replies
My great aunt is 62, and mentally unstable.

At least once a week she starts calling family members (me, my grandma, my aunt, and my aunts fiancé) telling us she's going to shoot herself in the head with her 38... That we neglect her by not calling daily or coming to see her (I call at least once a week, and visit home when I can afford the cross country drive which is two or three times a year) that her husband left her six years ago, her mom died three years ago, my mom died and abandoned HER (but my sister and I don't get to say we miss her too, because we didn't know her as long via this aunt), that I took HER babies away from her (my three kids, the oldest in particular) and I won't just hire someone to take them back to her, like I'm going to let her have my 3 and 4 year olds or my unborn baby, and I won't divorce my husband and move in with her.

I'm a military wife, I don't get to choose where I live, but I love my husband and choose to move with him and keep my family together as much as possible. My aunt works 70+ hours a week, her fiancé has medical issues and tries not to drive unless she's with him. My grandma had a stroke Christmas Eve and is wheelchair bound with little use of her right side. I was home over Christmas, I cannot travel again until after the baby is born and she can travel with me, I also need to wait until my husband gets leave to go with me. We do call at least once weekly, but we can't drop everything to go see her.

Is it heartless for us to ignore her calls at times? And I finally told the sane aunt that I'm going to call the cops for a welfare check the next time I get one of those calls and let them handle it. It's getting to the point that I seriously think she does it for attention.
Posted by Anonymous on May. 31, 2013 at 11:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
2nthensome
by on May. 31, 2013 at 11:36 AM

No, not heartless, just emotionally unavailable and overstressed.  If she is mentally unstable, perhaps you should look into placing her into a home where she can be looked after instead of calling all of you.  Then you wouldn't feel like you have to dodge her calls.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 31, 2013 at 11:44 AM
The only way we might be able to pull that off is by my calling the cops, explaining that I live across the country, got a suicide threat from her, and have them check on her, they may be able to put her on a 72 hour suicide watch.

I've got some HUGE issues of my own, as do my aunt and my grandma. Hell my poor aunt had a car accident because she's so stressed and worn out, she's singlehandedly responsible for my grandma and her fiancé, working to pay her bills, my grandma's bills, and 21 year old sons bills. I've got two special needs kids, a high risk pregnancy, and my husband is working 70+ hours a week if he's not in the field, and that's just the tip of my iceberg.

Quoting 2nthensome:

No, not heartless, just emotionally unavailable and overstressed.  If she is mentally unstable, perhaps you should look into placing her into a home where she can be looked after instead of calling all of you.  Then you wouldn't feel like you have to dodge her calls.

liss.n.chris
by on May. 31, 2013 at 11:44 AM
1 mom liked this
Has anyone called 911 when she's threatened to kill herself? I had to call on a boyfriend who threatened suicide and the paramedics came to get him. They told me they were legally obligated to take him in for a psych evaluation. She obviously needs something.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 31, 2013 at 11:48 AM
I haven't, I know one cousin did and my great grandma did when she was alive.

I'm going to, since the rest of the family can't come back on me for it. We know she won't do it, this has been going on for a long time, but she needs more help than we can give her.

Quoting liss.n.chris:

Has anyone called 911 when she's threatened to kill herself? I had to call on a boyfriend who threatened suicide and the paramedics came to get him. They told me they were legally obligated to take him in for a psych evaluation. She obviously needs something.
liss.n.chris
by on May. 31, 2013 at 11:52 AM
I know what you mean, my best friend dated a guy who'd threaten all the time but we knew it was for attention. Every time he did she'd call and he'd be put on psych hold. He finally stopped. He was still annoying as hell but at least he didn't call threatening suicide in the middle of the night because he was bored and lonely.


Quoting Anonymous:

I haven't, I know one cousin did and my great grandma did when she was alive.



I'm going to, since the rest of the family can't come back on me for it. We know she won't do it, this has been going on for a long time, but she needs more help than we can give her.



Quoting liss.n.chris:

Has anyone called 911 when she's threatened to kill herself? I had to call on a boyfriend who threatened suicide and the paramedics came to get him. They told me they were legally obligated to take him in for a psych evaluation. She obviously needs something.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 31, 2013 at 11:58 AM
That's pretty much what's going on with her. But it's been six years of this and it's getting worse.

We love her, and we know she's lonely, but she never wanted anything to do with us until I had my 4 year old, then she started wanting to be our #1 priority.

Quoting liss.n.chris:

I know what you mean, my best friend dated a guy who'd threaten all the time but we knew it was for attention. Every time he did she'd call and he'd be put on psych hold. He finally stopped. He was still annoying as hell but at least he didn't call threatening suicide in the middle of the night because he was bored and lonely.




Quoting Anonymous:

I haven't, I know one cousin did and my great grandma did when she was alive.





I'm going to, since the rest of the family can't come back on me for it. We know she won't do it, this has been going on for a long time, but she needs more help than we can give her.





Quoting liss.n.chris:

Has anyone called 911 when she's threatened to kill herself? I had to call on a boyfriend who threatened suicide and the paramedics came to get him. They told me they were legally obligated to take him in for a psych evaluation. She obviously needs something.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 31, 2013 at 12:00 PM
I know what you mean, my best friend dated a guy who'd threaten all the time but we knew it was for attention. Every time he did she'd call and he'd be put on psych hold. He finally stopped. He was still annoying as hell but at least he didn't call threatening suicide in the middle of the night because he was bored and lonely.
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2nthensome
by on May. 31, 2013 at 1:16 PM
Best of luck to you. Call the police and explain the situation and make sure you talk this over with the aunt. I'm sure it's something you both can agree on. Best of luck to you.


Quoting Anonymous:

The only way we might be able to pull that off is by my calling the cops, explaining that I live across the country, got a suicide threat from her, and have them check on her, they may be able to put her on a 72 hour suicide watch.



I've got some HUGE issues of my own, as do my aunt and my grandma. Hell my poor aunt had a car accident because she's so stressed and worn out, she's singlehandedly responsible for my grandma and her fiancé, working to pay her bills, my grandma's bills, and 21 year old sons bills. I've got two special needs kids, a high risk pregnancy, and my husband is working 70+ hours a week if he's not in the field, and that's just the tip of my iceberg.



Quoting 2nthensome:

No, not heartless, just emotionally unavailable and overstressed.  If she is mentally unstable, perhaps you should look into placing her into a home where she can be looked after instead of calling all of you.  Then you wouldn't feel like you have to dodge her calls.


dtm1491
by on May. 31, 2013 at 1:23 PM
Nope. My stepmom is in a nursing home with dementia and was calling us until 3 in the morning night after night. I finally had to call the nurses station and complain and they remove the phone at night now. It seems mean but it becomes stressful. I wouldn't feel guilty if I were you. I doubt she even realizes it. It sounds like she needs to be in some type of home as well.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 31, 2013 at 1:33 PM
She needs something. I'm at the end if my rope with her.

Quoting dtm1491:

Nope. My stepmom is in a nursing home with dementia and was calling us until 3 in the morning night after night. I finally had to call the nurses station and complain and they remove the phone at night now. It seems mean but it becomes stressful. I wouldn't feel guilty if I were you. I doubt she even realizes it. It sounds like she needs to be in some type of home as well.
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