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MIL rant

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:11 AM
  • 43 Replies
4 moms liked this

Why did you have to do this today?  Why?  We had plans, DH was supposed to work and we had a CO to take DD for supervised visitation and it was all cancelled.  All because of you.

We walked into your house to find FIL sitting there, next to your hospice bed, stroking your hand, and you trying to talk, while someone rubs his shoulder.  You are gasping for breath and in agony, as the nurses work to get your morphine pump rate increased and a bolus going.  You can barely keep your eyes open, as you struggle to get up.  You have places to go, things to do, your mind says, yet you have nothing left to do in this life, but to pass onto the next. 

I hear you moan until the morphine starts to work, but yet you thrash, no longer in pain.  I ask the nurse if it's time for some more ativan, so you can be calmer.  FIL is in tears off and on- all afternoon.  We all are, but we know that it's time.  I know more than the others, often having BEEN the nurse at the bedside- keeping someone else's family member from being in pain.  But it's different now, you are MY family and I love you and this hurts so much, but I need to put it all aside and be strong for your son and your DH. 

My DH puts lotion on his hands to help you relax and rubs your feet gently.  His big, strong hands trying to give you a bit of comfort.  I am so touched by this simple act, that I stare until he looks at me and asks me what I am doing, then I look away, not knowing what to say.

The hours pass and your breathing becomes agonal and labored, with periods of apnea that stretch out longer and longer.  You are comatose and no longer in pain, no longer fighting to get up, but I know what this means.  It means it's not long now.  You are not to be one of those who hold on for days or weeks.  Today is the day. 

Someone has brought fried chicken and baked beans and I can only eat about half of what I usually do.  This is how my stomach works, anxiety tying it up into knots, making me nauseous.  My DH is doing the opposite, anxiously eating more than usual, trying to fill himself up I think, because he feels so helpless now and it's something to do.  The kids eat and play with your beloved Lab Toby.  At one point, my DS9 holds your hand and cries a bit, while he says goodbye.  Even he is trying to distract himself and returns outside.  DD6 does not understand until after you pass, and then she is very upset and still not fully understanding as to why it happened. 

There are a lot of people here, family and friends, so many who have loved you.  We talk and try to distract FIL, since he seems to want it.  Your color is pale now, barely breathing, and then you are gone.  The nurses work to straighten you up in the bed, so we can say our final goodbyes.  I look at you and say, "She is so still.  She was never still you know.  Even when she was so ill this last time, she was always doing something." 

Not long after all had gone outside and it was just you and me, I poured myself an ounce of George Dickel and toasted you with, "To the best woman I ever met, your work is done, it's time to rest now."  When all have said their goodbyes, the funeral home comes to take you to the crematory.  I insist on helping you with this one last journey, even though they tried to get me to leave.  I will not.  I glove up, like I always do, and we hand you over to the gurney.  My hands do not waiver.  I even made a small joke about your rather large gluteus maximus, although no one laughs. 

All the other family is outside, waiting for your final exit from the home you have lived in for almost 30 years and away from your DH, who you were HS sweethearts with and have known most of your 63 short years.  Covered in a soft blue cloth, the color of the gulf on a warm summer's day, just like today- you ride out, one last time.

Today has been so surreal.  At times, it was more like a family reunion, than a death watch.  We spoke of her and laughed and cried.  We spoke of other things, too.  The hours passed slowly and quickly and all at once- yet time stood still. 

Thanks for reading.  I really needed to get it out.

by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:13 AM
You're mad at your mil for dying?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:16 AM
Awww I'm sorry my ex mil was wicked witch from the west I would have thrown her into the fire gladly
disnchntdwife
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:16 AM

Omg sooooo beautiful, thanks for sharing!

Sharon300
by Bronze Member on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:16 AM

I am sorry for your loss.

opal10161973
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:17 AM
1 mom liked this

If I started with Crap, she's dead, would anyone read it around here?  I am mad that she is gone, but it's not like it's her fault.

Quoting Anonymous:

You're mad at your mil for dying?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:17 AM
((Hugs)) I'm sorry for your loss.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:19 AM


Quoting Anonymous:

Awww I'm sorry my ex mil was wicked witch from the west I would have thrown her into the fire gladly

haha

opal10161973
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:19 AM
2 moms liked this

I was blessed with a wonderful MIL, now my mother on the other hand, well....I won't throw her into the fire, but there are days where I wonder how I came out of her at all.

Quoting Anonymous:

Awww I'm sorry my ex mil was wicked witch from the west I would have thrown her into the fire gladly


opal10161973
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:19 AM
1 mom liked this

I wanted to write something stirring, in her honor.  I hope she likes it. 

Quoting disnchntdwife:

Omg sooooo beautiful, thanks for sharing!


opal10161973
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 12:20 AM

Thanks, it's been a long, exhausting day. 

Quoting Anonymous:

((Hugs)) I'm sorry for your loss.


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