He lied to me....I think I'm divorcing him! *Possible Trigger*
My husband and I met about six years ago. We ran into each other at a liquor store. He worked there. I thought he was attracted. But, he was very shy. He wouldn't really talk to me. Eventually, he opened up and asked me out. I accepted the invitation and we've been together ever since. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. But, I just may have to let go of those feelings.
My DH as always been anti-social in an introverted way. He doesn't have too many friends, and he was always the "loner." I never thought much of it because I'm the same way. About a year into our relationship, he opened up to me about his mother abusing him for six years and how it's affected his life. Once he explained that to me, I was able to understand why he was antisocial. We married soon after that and we have two kids and one on the way.
My DH has always been extra protective of our girls. He heard someone make a "crack" about our three year old and he ended up being arrested for assault. The guy said that if our DD was older, he'd have her. I was sickened and of course DH was angered and upset. The charges were dropped and we were able to move away from that neighborhood when I graduated school.
Anyhow, when my DH bared his souls to me last night, I was shocked. He told me that the reason he started therapy is because he thinks that he has pedophilic (is that a word?) tendencies and he needs help so he doesn't hurt anyone. I was angry and flabbergasted. He said that the reason he was so antisocial when we met is because he didn't want to hurt anyone. So he had removed himself from certain situations. I felt sick. He has never acted on it. But, he's afraid that he will/could so he's in therapy. Therapy is a good thing, right?
I never noticed any signs. He's very protective of us, and I never thought that he'd be capable of having those thoughts. He has never bathed our kids or changed a diaper. He has never felt comfortable but I thought that it was a guy thing and since he's been abused, I felt that that was why he didn't want to to it. Looking back, I guess it was because he didn't want to have that opportunity. So, it was his way of protecting everyone and not giving in to anything he was feeling.
I want to leave. I feel like he lied to me. He said that if he was honest with me from the beginning, I wouldn't have given him the time of day. He's right. As long as I'm in my right mind, I would never give a person like that the time of day, especially since I have kids. I told him that I was leaving. He said that he understood and expected me to say that. He said that he didn't want me to hate him. I don't although I do wish he was honest from the beginning.
Today, I went to therapy with him and his psychiatrist believes that he'll be fine as long as he gets healing for the root cause of his issues: the sexual abuse he endured. I told her (the psychiatrist) that until he makes the appropriate change, I couldn't risk my children being around him. She said that she agreed with me and he agreed too. He said that he didn't want to hurt our kids. The psychiatrist told me that some victims do have these feelings, and some act on them and continue the cycle. She said that the fact that he's taking the appropriate steps to discontinue the cycle before he acts on it is "admirable" and something to think about. I'm not sure. I understand where they're coming from. But I'm not sure how I feel. So, I will be leaving. I don't know if I should divorce him though. He's been in therapy for about five months now and I do think that he can recover.
Would you divorce your husband if he did this to you? The dishonesty and the fact that he feels that he's capable of hurting innocent children is enough for me to do so. I have to take care of my kids and the one growing inside of me. He wants me to leave for now. He expressed that when the time is right, he wants to work on our relationship because he threw a wrench in our life. He expressed that he wants supervised visits with the girls. That's their father, and they don't understand what's going on. So, it's something that I'd consider.
Can people like my husband recover? If so, id be willing to work on things when the time is right.
Idk what to do other than move out for now.
I do love him...help?!