Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I hate seeing her suffer UPDATE IN RED

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 66 Replies

My aunt, who I consider my grandmother, is in bad health. She's in her late 70s and in awful health. Has been for awhile in fact.

She has been living with my mother for ten years and my mom can no longer care for her. Her insurance (medicare, I think, I'm not sure what she has tbh) will not pay for a nursing home or any in home care. She has a crushed foot and broken hip. She's been in a cast for over a year because her foot will not heal properly. She hasn't walked in five years. She has diabetes badly and now has been diagnosed with liver disease, heart problems, and a severe disease called C.O.P.D...it effects your breathing badly and is dangerous and life threatening. She's in the hospital now, has been in and out five tmes in a month. This is the longest stay she's had so far and had surgery yesterday to remove a cancerous cyst from her ovary. 

Tonight my mom called me crying because she doesn't know what to do. My aunt does not want to die and is scared of doing so. My mom can't take care of her, she isn't in great health herself and has my disabled father to worry about as well as other things. Aunt cannot walk, cannot survive without oxygen, and cannot do anything for herself (cook, bathe, etc). My mom doesn't know what to do and I can only help when I am able to (8 months pregnant, two children, a DH who travels constantly, and so on). Her other sisters will not help.

 I hate seeing people suffer, and that's what she is doing. She is slowly dying anyway and I just wish God or whoever would just hurry the process and let her go peacefully so she will finally be at peace and not suffer any longer. It's causing my mother so much stress and she is miserable, she can't even see the kids who she used to see every single weekend.  

I just hate this. =(

Edit to answer frequent replies:

Thanks everyone for your advice and sympathy.

My parents are the handlers for the finances and insurance. All I know is that medicare will not cover a nursing home or any other care. I don't know why. The social worker has been in touch with my parents daily and is working on finding a rehab facility for her but he said there is nothing more he can do if he can't find one. She was in one two weeks ago after a short hospital stay but could only stay 21 days. Two days before she was to be sent back home she had to be re-admitted into the hospital for an airborn illness she caught at the rehab center. That is also when they discovered she needed surgery and had fluid on her lungs.

UPDATE: 

I called my mom back and asked her about the things that you guys mentioned (thank you all, btw). She said that they have been told she will be approved for medicade and that if that's her choice she will go into a nursing home for care and they will take her two homes that she owns, sell them, and use that money to pay then medicade will kick in. Thing is, my aunt will not give up her houses. We've been trying to get her to do so for ten years now and she will not. My mom has fought with her over and over again about it and she won't do it. I don't know if my mom can force her or just give the go ahead to do it or what. but something needs to be done about it. So we will see what we can do with that, I will try to go Friday and talk to her and see if I can convince her to do it.

My mom  also asked the hospice care will only happen when you're near death and there is nothing else the doctor's can do. Apparently my aunt isn't "bad enough" for that yet, but she is getting there quickly.

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:22 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
BeachMommy07
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Why don't YOU step in and help her. to wish someone to die because of their failing health shame on you it's not her fault she got bad health.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:27 PM
1 mom liked this

You didn't read all of my post did you? If you did you'd know what I meant and why I can't help as much.

I didn't mean it like it sounded dammit. I hate seeing people suffer, and don't know why they have to. I wish she would just go peacefully and be at peace without pain and suffering. Didn't mean just literally die right here and now. She will not get better and the doctor said her COPD is getting worse and will eventually kill her. No one should have to suffer and it hurts me to see that.


Quoting BeachMommy07:

Why don't YOU step in and help her. to wish someone to die because of their failing health shame on you it's not her fault she got bad health.



themissheather
by Gold Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:28 PM
Get on the phone with her insurance. Don't stop calling until you get some help. That is no way to live/die. I'm sorry for your family.
themissheather
by Gold Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:29 PM
You could also try calling adult services for your state/county and see why resources they offer.
egrzesik91
by Bronze Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:29 PM
1 mom liked this

You did step in and help. Some people need to learn to actually read the full post!

Val99
by Ruby Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:30 PM

Your mother doesn't have to take her in.  If she's in the hospital now, just have your mom tell the hospital social workers that she cannot return to her house.

allornone
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:30 PM

What about hospice? Or respite care?

Have they applied for Medicaid?  Contact catholic community services in your area.

There is help out there you just need to ask the hospital for a social worker to assist. 

robibuni
by Platinum Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:30 PM

I'm so sorry :(

My stepmom's stepmom (yeah its weird) passed earlier this week. She had been hanging on for like, 2 weeks with acute liver failure. The only reason she lasted so long was because my stepmom's step siblings kept her doped up on as many meds as they could to keep her around. I felt bad for her because the poor woman was exhausted and just wanted to pass on but her own kids wouldn't let her.

We're all glad she's gone and can have some peace now.

SadiasMomma
by Gold Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:30 PM
I understand what you mean and I'm sorry for you and your family. I hope she goes peacefully when God decides it's her time.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
FL2AK
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:30 PM
Medicare does pay for skilled nursing care. Call her case manager.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN