My aunt, who I consider my grandmother, is in bad health. She's in her late 70s and in awful health. Has been for awhile in fact.
She has been living with my mother for ten years and my mom can no longer care for her. Her insurance (medicare, I think, I'm not sure what she has tbh) will not pay for a nursing home or any in home care. She has a crushed foot and broken hip. She's been in a cast for over a year because her foot will not heal properly. She hasn't walked in five years. She has diabetes badly and now has been diagnosed with liver disease, heart problems, and a severe disease called C.O.P.D...it effects your breathing badly and is dangerous and life threatening. She's in the hospital now, has been in and out five tmes in a month. This is the longest stay she's had so far and had surgery yesterday to remove a cancerous cyst from her ovary.
Tonight my mom called me crying because she doesn't know what to do. My aunt does not want to die and is scared of doing so. My mom can't take care of her, she isn't in great health herself and has my disabled father to worry about as well as other things. Aunt cannot walk, cannot survive without oxygen, and cannot do anything for herself (cook, bathe, etc). My mom doesn't know what to do and I can only help when I am able to (8 months pregnant, two children, a DH who travels constantly, and so on). Her other sisters will not help.
I hate seeing people suffer, and that's what she is doing. She is slowly dying anyway and I just wish God or whoever would just hurry the process and let her go peacefully so she will finally be at peace and not suffer any longer. It's causing my mother so much stress and she is miserable, she can't even see the kids who she used to see every single weekend.
I just hate this. =(
Edit to answer frequent replies:
Thanks everyone for your advice and sympathy.
My parents are the handlers for the finances and insurance. All I know is that medicare will not cover a nursing home or any other care. I don't know why. The social worker has been in touch with my parents daily and is working on finding a rehab facility for her but he said there is nothing more he can do if he can't find one. She was in one two weeks ago after a short hospital stay but could only stay 21 days. Two days before she was to be sent back home she had to be re-admitted into the hospital for an airborn illness she caught at the rehab center. That is also when they discovered she needed surgery and had fluid on her lungs.
I called my mom back and asked her about the things that you guys mentioned (thank you all, btw). She said that they have been told she will be approved for medicade and that if that's her choice she will go into a nursing home for care and they will take her two homes that she owns, sell them, and use that money to pay then medicade will kick in. Thing is, my aunt will not give up her houses. We've been trying to get her to do so for ten years now and she will not. My mom has fought with her over and over again about it and she won't do it. I don't know if my mom can force her or just give the go ahead to do it or what. but something needs to be done about it. So we will see what we can do with that, I will try to go Friday and talk to her and see if I can convince her to do it.
My mom also asked the hospice care will only happen when you're near death and there is nothing else the doctor's can do. Apparently my aunt isn't "bad enough" for that yet, but she is getting there quickly.