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Posted by Anonymous
  • 19 Replies

I will keep it real because I need healing and help to get out of my toxic marriage.  I have been married for 11 years,and like all marriages, it has had it's ups and downs. My husband is 12 years older than me. Iam 47 years old.  When I met my husband he was kind, loving and patient. I was a widow when we became serious.

He at the time was looking for a wife because he was in deacon training. We dated for 3 years, and married. In the beginning I noticed he had a bit of a temper, and I would remind him he is a deacon and to respect me..

The red flags started showing after 3 years in the marriage I had not met his sisters, or his two daughters. It bothered me because I know nothing about his roots.

more red flags appeared when he started verbally abusing me, to the point where I would cry a lot.  Then, he would take me on trips.  Keep in mind that my first husband was killed in a car accident and my children were injured, so I was a bit emotionally bruised,but I was ok.. 

4 years in our marriage, he is a deacon... And, here is Redflag, he would start arguments with me and disappear for days, and have me worried. Then, come home and act like his dissaparance was my punishment..  Then, go to church and sing in the choir, and collect offerings.

Last year he was diagnosed with prostate cancer,and as a caring and forgiving wife, I took him to his doctor appointments( he still verbally abused me). And, I took care of him after surgery(bathing,cooking , and changing his dressings). He still verbally abused me,mand again, go to church as a deacon and a Sunday school teacher, and still abuse me.

The cancer diagnosis still did not get his attention, to fear God.  I found some intimate emails and went off because you had cancer and I took care of you and help you understand your diabetis. And, you have been a cheater in our marriage deacon!  

I felt soo betrayed,and taken for granted. I almost tried to push him down the stairs because what kind of person would do this to their wife.. Guess what? He moved out on my birthday, and of course we reconciled.m

I did it because I lost my job and I need help. He took us to Hawaii for our anniversary, and we prayed and reconcile, but he has a split personality.  He is many people. He abuses me and go to church and I am tired of living a lie.. Everyone thinks he is stable because he wares a suit in Sundays and study  and teach the word.( false prophet)

The final straw that tore my soul is the fact that I come from a anusive home.I was verbally and physically abused by my mon and suffered emotionally as a child and acted out.mas a child. My mom tells my husband I was a terrible and crazy child when in fact 2 of my siblings were suicidalmbecause of neglect and my youngest brother has been missing for 11 years.

So, the most sickness thing he does is bring up the things my mom said to hurt me and it does..

I have been seeking employment,and THEARPY..I'm stuck because f finances 

, but very unhappy... I want  to be free from abuse!!


Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 13, 2013 at 12:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 12:54 AM

I would call local shelters and family if you have any and look at any means to get out of that situation. Abusive situations are horrible. ive been in one it drains you mentally and physically and can potentially kill you. please be safe and seek a way out. Good luck

by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 13, 2013 at 12:55 AM
I will pray for you. I hope things look up soon, but in the end, youll be alright.
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2013 at 12:58 AM

Thanks! And yes it does drain you, and I have no more strength..

by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 13, 2013 at 12:59 AM
Just because he is a deacon doesn't mean he is a good man. Leave him. Be prepared to be ostracized by your church though. Sounds like he is a good actor and the congregation will want to believe him because they don't want to think about how he fooled them.
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2013 at 1:05 AM

Yes, he is a actor, but what's done in the dark comes to the light.  He will reap what he sows.  I feel sorry for him.. 

by on Jun. 13, 2013 at 1:08 AM

I am sorry that you have been through so much. Hope you can find the help you need and get out. You will be so much happier when you do. 

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2013 at 1:14 AM

Thank you! I realize now that I deserve happiness.. I been married 11 years and I'm not happy. He is not my soul mate. I'm tired of getting my soul bruised. 

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 3, 2013 at 10:08 PM


Me and my husband seperated and I am having mixed emotions of happy to have peace to mourning the loss of the marriage. Each day, I get stronger and stronger... I want to thank you all for your support.  

Any tips on how to block out the bad memories that continue to pierce my soul?

How to communicate with your spouse during divorce proceedings without showing anger and regret?

by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 10:41 PM

I would like to recommend a website, You will find a lot of advice in those forums. Some people choose to reconcile, some don't. But you can share your story, get advice, and discover many tips on how to be strong and learn how to live the life you want.

You sound like a nice person. Your husband seems to have used you as a cover, so people would think he was such a great guy because he had such a lovely wife. I don't know you all, but in this situation I would be prepared to have him go to the church, and then make all those people come to talk with you and try to get you to take him back and continue to take the abuse. They even may try saying that there was no abuse, or you caused it. 

Like I said, check out that website. Best of luck to you.

by Gold Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 10:42 PM

My foster father was a Deacon also guess what, he was abusive pervert!

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