This is URGENT!!! and EXTREMELY TMI!!! UPDATE : BACK FROM DRS.* ALIL UPDATE 06/17*****!
quick back story of me, i suffer from infertility , i tried to concieve for 5 straight years , finally dh and i decided we needed to go and see a fertility specialist , who ran some test and i found out i had a damaged left tube and almost damaged right tube, we opted for ivf and we concieved our beautiful baby girl.
she is 10 months old now.
well my period was due three weeks ago, and im sure alot of you will say im stupid for not getting a test to see if i was pg but i didnt, some of you may not understand that getting pregnant naturally is something i excepted could never be. well
my period started this am, very light ... it had a different type of odor as well but i figured it was old blood.. when i got home from work i took a shower and had the urge to "push something out of my vagina " and i found this:
please not i am posting these pics in the replys because i wanted to press how graphic these pictures are, and to also ask to please not bash me in a time like this. if this is what i think it is dh and i will be extremely devasted. please do not look at this picture and complain on how gross it is etc.. because i am warning you of the nature of the pics.. oh btw dh is on his way home from work , he already grabbed a pregnancy test for me to take since the hcg hormone should still be in my urine.. i cant go to the ER because one i dont know yet if its er worthy and 2. we are on a tornado watch. thanks for any advice.
what do you think this is? could i be left over placenta? is it a blod clot? or is it a sac? it has no blood comming out of it and a rubbery texture.
DH brought home the test with the little drops of pee i had ... this is the result.
dh and i are about to go the drs, spend alittle time holding eachother, not much i can say right now.. just letting the tears fall :(
update from doctors:*******
you know ive always wondered what it was about hopsitals that i hated and why i feared going there so much, its because of the false hope they give to you, the optimistic thinking the doctors have that makes you wanting to keep believeing in something that you know is not real or true or possible.
i sat there and i watched them speak to me saying well your blood levels are 250 which could be normal, your supsected to be 7 weeks pregnant, we didnt identify an inunterine (or whatever the word is ) pregnancy, BUT it may be to early to see, and check back with my dr for follow up blood work. oh by the way we sent the "sample" off to the lab it could be the gestational sac or it could be just a blood cott. so we only would know if you go to your obgyn and get more blood work.
FOR WHAT!? come on im not foolish and as much as i wish i could be omptimistic right now im not, i know what came out me , the smell that it had made my heart drop, the texture of how it felt made me queasy, the look on my dh's face as he kept repeating "Oh my god" coming toward me with his arms open, all of that was real.
i showed the ultrasound tech the pictures of the sac, and immediatley she said " yea that looks like the sac and the fetus pole would be inside. there was nothing you couldve done". the moment those words came out of her mouth i excepted reality of this situation.
now i know some of you may think, thats selfish of me to think this way, so neagtive about optimisim in a hospital , a place were people need it most, or how set i am on believeing this is a miscarriage and not having faith. but i cant what this miscarriage did to me tonight was emptied my soul and drained the blood from my veins. it took me back 1 year ago when i laid on those ultrasound tables week after week, when i had that "hope" attitude that maybe this one will make it! or maybe this time ill see two pink lines! or maybe this time there wil be a heart beat! for years i tormented myself and my family. with this obsession .
when i finally had my daughter i was able to put my mind at ease, exhale the past and inhale my future, that true hope , sincere hope was there then, i learned that it was not impossible to carry a baby to birth.
but tonight it reminded me that naturally, ill probably never have a normal pregnancy or be a woman who doesnt need assistance when child bearing , or be the one to call mom and say "mom i lost another grand baby " even worse when i heard dh say" i know we wasnt ready for another one but i wouldve been happy too" it reminded me of where we came from when it came to fertility and pregnancy loss. this is my 3rd loss. even when i wasnt trying and focusing on the blessings i already have, somehow i still had to be tortured with this pain of a miscarriage.
if youve read this far thank you, if youve followed this post through the entire evening and night thank you so much, i will pull myself together in a few days and go back to being what dh calls me superwoman.
i dont think im making another appointment for 2nd blood work, i cant deal with that aniexty anymore. it is what it is, and i excepted that a long time ago. thank you for everything, im open to any questions if you have any, and f you bash save your breath nothing you can say can make me feel lower than i do right now... so in advance fuck you. (sorry for my language to the ladies that had a heart)
heres alittle update, i took your wonderful and thoughtful advices and made an appt with my OB they wrote me up a slip to go in tommorow, at a local labcorp in order to get the blood work then monday find the results. i was suppose to be there to get the slip by 3pm (thats when they closed) by the timei called it was 1:30 they are about 30 or 40 min away from where i live, DH was up on that side so i asked him to grab the slip for me, for SOME reason he thought i ment from the DR at the ER i went to last night (which is like 3 min from my house) and drove all the way down here to find no he was wrong so by that time the dr's office closed .. which caused alittle feud between us :( really dont need this shit right now.. so now i must wait till monday in order for me to get another blood draw.
also today i began getting alittle crampy, and bleeding a TAD heavier still not enough to even claim the amount comparable to a period, but i guess i just lucked out and missed the whole painful cramping and bloody part of a MC. (my previous ones were gruesome) well thats about it ladies , still feeling alil down, alil angry as well.. thanks for your support once again.
hey everyone ! just a quick update, well the bleeding has pretty much stopped has now for going on two days, it never got really heavy , i would say the amount of blood past over these last 5 days is maybe enough to fill one pad. the cramps i felt lasted for about 15 min and never returned, by the far the weirdest "misscarriage " i have ever had i went and picked up my drs slip today in order to get another beta hcg test. so ill be going tommorow hopefully i make it after work, the LabCorp closes at 6 i get off at 530, but it isnt to far away, meanwhile i took two more pregnancy test, and was hoping while i wait to get my blood work some of you might have alittle advice, the pictures are below.
the top test is the one i took on thrusday , (my levels were at 250) at the time, the bottom test was on friday, not sure what my levels were but it was pretty diluted urine, if that matters
this last test is from today about 20 min ago. i know the brands are different i wish i could get the same test but they was out, so it could play a part in why the intensity of the lines are different, but my biggest concern is , if this is a true miscarriage why havent i bled heavily? why havent i had the painful cramps? and after 5 days shouldnt i be close to 0 hcg wise? i know i ma still have some hcg but didnt expect it to still show so dark> WDYT? i know i know im going to the lab tommorow its just been on my mind, see i told you i get obbsessive over this!! thanks so much ladies.. i appreciate it