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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I stopped giving warnings for...

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

back talking. Thanks to some little heathens at my girls' preschool whose parents don't keep them in their place, my girls have learned to back talk. One little girl in particular is a major bad influence. Her mom thinks it's funny when she is sassy. I call it disrespect. So now, I have to be the bad guy. I started off telling my girls that it is disrespectful and they are not allowed to back talk to adults. Then I started punishing them after they'd received warnings. Now, no warnings. No being separated from everyone else. No timeouts. If they back talk me, it's an instant spanking. Normally, spanking is a last resort. I don't care for it. But I absolutely will not tolerate sassy, back talking, disrespectful children. When they are told to do something, the most I expect to hear out of them is "Yes ma'am" or "Yes sir". If they don't get their way, I expect them to keep their mouths shut and know their place.

Have you ever stopped giving warnings for any behaviors?

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 13, 2013 at 6:33 PM
Replies (21-30):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2013 at 7:01 PM

 They do. And most of them try biting, hitting, kicking, pinching, etc..... It's normal, but we still have to nip it. It's unacceptable behavior.


Quoting 20112012:

I thought all kids went through the back talking at some point....


 

mom_to_kenzie
by Bronze Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 7:06 PM
I don't do the back talk. It's usually an instant time out...I stopped giving warnings when dd stands on her toys. They get taken away. Today, she stood on her doll house to look at something outside (keep in mind I have no issue with her standing in a chair to see out) but she's broken her toy box by doing this and I won't replace toys because she stood on them and broke them. Needless to say, the dollhouse is now sitting in my room. She's 5 BTW.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 13, 2013 at 7:06 PM

I have stopped giving warnings when I send my kids to bed for talking.  The second I hear any noise 10 mins after they are sent to their room, we immediatley start time outs.  I understand the backtalking and no more warnings.  I make them repeat themselves in a nicer way.  Eventually it got better.  But mine don't have the bad influences of daycare or school because they are home with us.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 13, 2013 at 7:07 PM

Like you OP I don't like to spank but when all the other forms of disciplin stop working then the last resort comes along. My youngest gets spanked usually it's only one hard swat on the butt no more than 2 and she gets the idea. I have tried time outs but she just doesn't get the idea of consequence to the action. Taking privelages or toys doesn't work because she has no favorite toys and taking privelages has the same effect as time outs she just can't connect the action & consequence. Good Luck! Sassy, backtalking, disrespectful are things we don't tolerate in this house either.

Quoting Anonymous:

 I don't beat them. I spank them. There is a difference. And they have been given more than ample time to adjust their behavior. Timeouts didn't get it through their heads. Losing privileges didn't get it through their heads. Extra chores didn't get it through their heads. Unfortunately, we have to take it a step up.


Quoting shygurl3166:

I don't need to beat my kids to earn respect. I Dont care if people spank but what you are doing is completely different.




Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2013 at 7:10 PM

 About 6 months ago, my girls went through a destructive phase with their stuff. They didn't play with their toys. They just ruined them. They also pulled their clothes out of the drawers and had them all over their room. After several warnings and several timeouts and several times of standing over them while they cleaned it up, they lost EVERYTHING in their room. Dh and I moved everything into an extra room. Furniture, toys, everything. All that was left was their beds, mattresses and the fitted sheets on their beds. They had to come to us to get their pillows and blankets for bedtime. And they had to earn their stuff back. Piece by piece. One by one. Guess what, they haven't been destructive even once since then....and yes, they earned everything back.


Quoting mom_to_kenzie:

I don't do the back talk. It's usually an instant time out...I stopped giving warnings when dd stands on her toys. They get taken away. Today, she stood on her doll house to look at something outside (keep in mind I have no issue with her standing in a chair to see out) but she's broken her toy box by doing this and I won't replace toys because she stood on them and broke them. Needless to say, the dollhouse is now sitting in my room. She's 5 BTW.


 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 13, 2013 at 7:11 PM

 Yes, my spankings are mild because I'm not a fan of spankng. But if it gets their attention when nothing else does, then I will use it as an option.


Quoting Anonymous:

Like you OP I don't like to spank but when all the other forms of disciplin stop working then the last resort comes along. My youngest gets spanked usually it's only one hard swat on the butt no more than 2 and she gets the idea. I have tried time outs but she just doesn't get the idea of consequence to the action. Taking privelages or toys doesn't work because she has no favorite toys and taking privelages has the same effect as time outs she just can't connect the action & consequence. Good Luck! Sassy, backtalking, disrespectful are things we don't tolerate in this house either.

Quoting Anonymous:

 I don't beat them. I spank them. There is a difference. And they have been given more than ample time to adjust their behavior. Timeouts didn't get it through their heads. Losing privileges didn't get it through their heads. Extra chores didn't get it through their heads. Unfortunately, we have to take it a step up.

 

Quoting shygurl3166:

I don't need to beat my kids to earn respect. I Dont care if people spank but what you are doing is completely different.

 

 



 

mollymolly
by Bronze Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 7:14 PM

It sounds to me like you're parenting your kids in the manner that you deem best for your kids.  Idk where these others get the idea that you're beating them, unless they've read something in here that I haven't.  I don't have my children answer yes, ma'am and yes, sir, but to each his own.  I know plenty of parents who do have their kids answer as such.  I believe that there's some advantage to having a certain amount of flexibility when it comes to parenting, but not when it comes to back-talk.  Personally, I'm still dealing with that from my daughter, and I hit her where it hurts when she backtalks, by grounding her.  That's the ultimate for her -- not being able to see her friends.  There's just no reason for sassy backtalk, and I think it sets the kid up to disprespect authority when they get older:  backtalk their teachers; as an adult, backtalk their boss or not recognize that rank has its privelages when it comes to the workplace; backtalke the cop that pulls them over for speeding, etc. 

Anyway, to answer your question, yes, sometimes my kids don't get warnings when we're dealing with something that they already know the rules about and are well versed on what the consequences for their actions are.  

A couple of other things that I've tried that worked well on most behaviors are:  (1) watching Super Nanny and discussing the bad behavior of the child on the show and discussing it, being careful to not compare it to that of my child's (as if it has nothing to do with my child) and (2) giving them kudos when they choose appropriate behavior.  When my ds was younger, I could see him start down the road into a whiny-meltdown when he didn't get his way, and there were times when I'd see him catch himself and turn that behavior around.  I was sure to say what a GREAT job he did turning that behavior around, and I'd brag on him to my husband while he was within ear-shot like:  Did you notice what a great job ds did turning his behavior around?

I know that you didn't really ask for all of this, but there it is, just the same.  Good luck to you, Mama.  :)

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 13, 2013 at 7:15 PM

I can use the other methods of disciplin with the other 2 kids but the youngest just doesn't get it. So I use what does work. 

Quoting Anonymous:

 Yes, my spankings are mild because I'm not a fan of spankng. But if it gets their attention when nothing else does, then I will use it as an option.


Quoting Anonymous:

Like you OP I don't like to spank but when all the other forms of disciplin stop working then the last resort comes along. My youngest gets spanked usually it's only one hard swat on the butt no more than 2 and she gets the idea. I have tried time outs but she just doesn't get the idea of consequence to the action. Taking privelages or toys doesn't work because she has no favorite toys and taking privelages has the same effect as time outs she just can't connect the action & consequence. Good Luck! Sassy, backtalking, disrespectful are things we don't tolerate in this house either.

Quoting Anonymous:

 I don't beat them. I spank them. There is a difference. And they have been given more than ample time to adjust their behavior. Timeouts didn't get it through their heads. Losing privileges didn't get it through their heads. Extra chores didn't get it through their heads. Unfortunately, we have to take it a step up.


Quoting shygurl3166:

I don't need to beat my kids to earn respect. I Dont care if people spank but what you are doing is completely different.







Pink.Frosting
by Platinum Member on Jun. 13, 2013 at 7:23 PM

I know you'll probably get bashed for this post, but I agree with you.  I have two teens and my dh and I are generally very laid back parents who believe in picking our battles.  But one thing we consistently never gave on was back talking.  You know what?  It worked.  We have two teenagers who are not only respectful, but they like us and enjoy our company.  They also enjoy spending time with each other and fights between siblings are very, very rare.  When they do happen, they are just a blip on our radar and they're back to being buddies in about five minutes. 

I've seen parents with kids and teens who say absolutely horrible things to them.  I've seen parents scared to start a conversation with their kid for fear of the attitude that would come.  I'm sorry, but that is just not normal in my book.  I'll take my respectful kids over that any day.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 13, 2013 at 7:26 PM

I'm not super strict but talking back is definitely a no-no. I don't make her say yes ma'am/no ma'am and such but I do expect her to talk to adults respectfully. It's hard to teach her that when the family we are around constantly rags on each other and respect and boundaries are almost never considered. I was raised to respect adults, not talk back. Sure I had my moments as a teen but they were short lived(I always felt bad even though my mom never really punished me, lol).

DH's family is fairly uncensored where as my family is much more quiet about disagreements and such. Hell, DH's mom got into a physical altercation with her niece. I love his family to bits but, they have their flaws just like anybody else. It's when those flaws begin to rub off on my daughter that it causes a problem for me.

I don't want to remove them from my life but, something needs to change and I'm the very quiet type. I avoid confrontation as much as possible so, I never know how to go about expressing myself without it turning into something much more. I've always been that way. I have a hard time expressing myself to others because I'm such a people pleaser. :/

Quoting Anonymous:

 Yep. That's why it's so bad with my girls...other people. I do my best to eliminate people from our lives who don't reinforce what we are teaching our girls, but it's just impossible to successfully eliminate every single negative influence. I am so ready for my mother to retire so she can keep them and they won't have to be around other people. If you think I'm strict, you'd think my mom is a spawn out of satan's butthole. She's like Drill Sargent Mom.


Quoting Anonymous:

I don't even know what to do with my sassy 3 year old. Nothing works. Talking, time out, spanking. And she mostly only does it to me. Probably doesn't help that every time she does something she's not supposed to, somebody laughs and so she thinks it's cute and continues the behavior.

We're currently staying with MIL and this is the biggest reason I want out ASAP but we're still playing catch up after a few months of no income after DH got out of the military.

So frustrating that I can't even discipline my own kid in this house without somebody else trying to step in. She's MY daughter, it's MY responsibility to handle her behavior. Having 3 people tying to tell her what to do probably just confuses her. Butt the hell out and let me handle it. That's probably also why she doesn't listen well because she's constantly hoping somebody else will tell her what she wants to hear. We didn't have this problem when we were living alone.

Sorry, had to vent. :/ 




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