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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I'm not giving you any money (long)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 43 Replies
My husband and I keep our money separate because he's extremely irresponsible with money and refuses to let me be in charge of his money. We lived together for 18 months before we got married and while he wasted a ton of money he paid the bills he was supposed to and always had some money if we wanted to go do something.

We've been married 3 years now and his mom died 6 months ago, it was unexpected and he took it hard. He doesn't handle stress very well and her death put him into a deep depression and instead of talking to me or a professional he decided to drink his troubles away and in the process buying everyone else drinks as well.

Im still disgusted at how much money he wasted, it should be a sin. He spent so much money on alcohol that we could've bought a fucking brand new SUV and still have money left over.

The problem now is he hasn't helped me pay bills in months and he's now maxed out every credit card and borrowed money from everyone under the sun and not paid important bills like his cell phone and car note and now he's begging me for money.

I'm not helping him get out of this hole. I have empathy for him, I can't imagine losing my mom but neglecting bills to drink isn't the way to go and I tried so hard to help him. I even kicked him out for a week hoping that would bring him back to reality but it didn't. I tried to take control of his money and he wouldn't let me. I tried pleading, crying, yelling, offering to go to counseling with him. Everything under the sun I could think of but he would just lie to me.

The problem now is he needs his phone and car for work and if he doesn't have them he loses his job. I've been paying the bills all on my own these last 6 months and I don't really have any extra money because of that. I've had to cut out all luxuries because I've had to take on more bills and I'm rightfully resentful that he can drink away 50,000 but I don't even have the money to get a coffee from Starbucks.

He wants me to give him my entire paycheck minus gas and grocery money so he can pay his car note that's already a few months behind and his cell phone bill and I'm not going to do it. He wants me to pay my bills late so he can pay his bills and now he's upset with me because I won't.

I don't feel bad about that, I tried helping him and he rebuffed all my help but what I do feel bad about is lying to him about it. I'm making bills up that can't be late just to pad my expenses so he doesn't hound me to give him my paycheck. Like the light bill, I paid it last week but told him I didn't and told him it was double than it really was. I told him my cell was overdue and now its 300 bucks when its paid in full and it was no where near 300 bucks. I do need the money, but its for bills that are current so he thinks they can wait and I refuse to live like that. I will not pay my car note late just because its current and they will allow it and its the same with my cell bill, the bill is due in a few days and I bet I could be a month late and they wouldn't cut it off but I refuse to live like that because he was irresponsible.
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
2Sparrows4ever
by on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:33 AM
I wouldn't / couldn't be with a man like that, irresponsibility from the get go? No, just NO
othermom
by Ruby Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:34 AM

Tell him no on the money so the rest of the bills don't get behond and try to get him to go to counsling over his loss and maybe some place to get help with his drinking.

Crymsm
by Platinum Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:34 AM
Well that's what he gets.
bluebunnybabe
by Ruby Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:38 AM
If he wasn't willing to get in to counseling, I'd have to move on. That's no way for you to live.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:39 AM
2 moms liked this
I married for life, not until life gets tough.

Quoting bluebunnybabe:

If he wasn't willing to get in to counseling, I'd have to move on. That's no way for you to live.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:40 AM
He says he's quit drinking, not sure if I believe it but he's beyond broke so I think he's telling me the truth but its because he doesn't have the money not because he chose to quit.

Quoting othermom:

Tell him no on the money so the rest of the bills don't get behond and try to get him to go to counsling over his loss and maybe some place to get help with his drinking.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:44 AM

 I wouldn't either. He made bad choices, now he has to pay the consequences. Why should you suffer and fall behind on your bills to fix his mistake? He DRANK the money away; that's on him. It's not like some huge emergency came up (yes, his mom's death is an emergency; but not a financial one) and now he is struggling. I would emotionally support him and help him get into therapy; no financial support though.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:48 AM
That's what I'm doing, I ask him every couple days if he's made an appointment with a counselor and I tell him daily that I'm here for him and he can call me at any time and ill listen.

Quoting Anonymous:

 I wouldn't either. He made bad choices, now he has to pay the consequences. Why should you suffer and fall behind on your bills to fix his mistake? He DRANK the money away; that's on him. It's not like some huge emergency came up (yes, his mom's death is an emergency; but not a financial one) and now he is struggling. I would emotionally support him and help him get into therapy; no financial support though.

bluebunnybabe
by Ruby Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:49 AM
That's obviously your choice but when they say until death do us part, that doesn't mean you stay in an unhealthy or bad situation. And I'm not saying you should leave, I'm just saying I would if I exhausted all other options & things didn't change.


Quoting Anonymous:

I married for life, not until life gets tough.



Quoting bluebunnybabe:

If he wasn't willing to get in to counseling, I'd have to move on. That's no way for you to live.

Nicoleb9
by Emerald Member on Jun. 14, 2013 at 9:52 AM
He's allowed himself to become a little man and he'll remain small until he's forced to man up again. You're doing the right thing. He really should be ashamed of himself.
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