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I may lose my OBGYN tomorrow, Update in Red

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For those who do not know, I am pregnant with twin girls. I am due Oct. 9th. Doctor has told me some things that do not work or fit with my birth plan. I wrote up everything and I want, and will address it all tomorrow. I may lose him tomorrow and have to find someone new...

First off he is a great doctor and came highly reccommended from an ER doctor. He also has a great bedside manner, and will take all the time in the world to answer your questions, etc.

Here are my fears, and what I placed in my birthing plan. Tell me what you think. I don't think anything I asked for is "too much". Do you? Underneath I will put my fear, and why I am concerned.

1. I would like my sister and husband to attend the birth. They are my birthing support people. My sister should be allowed to stay as long as there is no medical reason why she cannot be there, which should only be because of an extreme emergency, and not on the assumption that there "may be" an emergency. Both my husband, (his name) and sister, (her name), should be allowed to remain with me unless that emergency should arise.

(REASON - My doctor said no sister just husband  during the actual birthing because he wanted me to deliver in an Operating room just in case I needed a C-section. He said she could be there only while laboring, but once I was close to giving birth he wanted me in the OR just in case. I say bullshit! Just in case?! So we are going to make a problem before there is a problem?! NO!)

2. I want my twins to come on their own time. I do not want to be induced if I go beyond 38 weeks either.

(REASON - Doctor has said I WONT allow you to go beyond 38 weeks. You will NOT go to 40 weeks or beyond. WHY?! He gave no reason when I asked him. BULLSHIT! My body will know when it is time, and my twins will know when it is time. Chances are I won't even make it to 38 weeks, but if I do, don't force me to go early! And my body will open up as neccessary so don't tell me my twins are "too big".)

3. If for some reason induction is neccessary, we need to have a talk about why. I would like to put in my input. Also, if it is deemed neccessary, I would like, if at all possible, NATURAL means of inducement instead of breaking my water, or using pitocin. Medical induction must be used as a last resort or only if there is an emergency.

(REASON - My obgyn seems to think pitocin is god's greatest gift.)

4. I do not want to rush to the hospital at the first signs of labor. I want to be calm, at home, and with my beautiful boys for as long as possible. If I show up at the hospital and I am not 4 centimeters or more dialated, I want the option of going home to rest and wait.

(REASON - My doctor wants me there at the first sign.)

5. I do NOT want a routine IV or heplock unless there is a medical neccessity for it. I want to instead give my body the calories it needs, by being allowed to eat, crackers, cookies, sliced fruit, etc that I will provide. Also, in order to ensure I do not dehydrate, I want to be able to drink water with ice, suck on ice pops, and drink gatorade during the birthing process.

(REASON - My doctor wants me on IV so I don't dehydrate, but I can take care of that naturally.)

6. I do not want blood tests or other lab tests simply because it is routine procedure.

(REASON - I hate needles, and don't want to tense up and become upset, as that will hinder labor, and will cause me unnesseccary pain when it comes to fight or flight mode. I want a calm happy birth.)

7. I would like a private room with subdued lighting and drawn drapes, for both labor and birth, unless an emergency arises where I must leave said room to go to an OR. We want the labor room to be calm and quiet with the exception of my music that will playing for background noise.

(REASON - I want a calm quiet birth.)

8. We will bring our own music via an MP3 player, and a speaker, and will need a place to plug in the items.

(REASON - Music will help keep us calm and in the right mood to do this.)

9. We do not want anyone to offer us any sort of pain medications, if we want them, WE WILL ask for them. If anyone keeps asking, such as a nurse, we will ask on the 3rd time, she be removed.

(I am terrified of needles, I want a calm happy birth, I want to do this with the self hypnosis my husband and I have taken a class on and have been practicing. We will have no need for pain meds, and if someone keeps asking it will shatter the calm quiet birth we want.)

10. I want the blood pressure cuff removed in between readings.

(I want to be comfy.)

11. We would like to use a birthing tub or shower to relax in while I labor.

(The water helps with the pain.)

12. There should be no time limits on me giving birth. I will be using self hypnosis techniques I have learned in the classes I have been taking. It may take more time, but the time is worth it for us to have a pain free relaxed birth. So unless there is an emergency, we should be allowed to take all the time we need.

(self-explanatory)

13. I would like internal exams to be at a minimum, preferably at my request.

(I don't want them checking every 5 to 10 minutes.)

14. I would like to utilize gravity by being allowed to walk around, to squat, and to use a birthing ball. I do not want to do this on my back with my feet in stirrups.

(Gravity naturally will help me go faster).

15. If at all possible, I do not want to use Oxytocin or any other drug to speed up labor. This should be done at my own pace and the babies' paces.

( I dont want unnesseccary drugs introduced into my body unless there is an emergency and it is determined I need them.)

16. I refuse to purple push my babies into the world. There will be no holding of my breath and no one should even tell me to do so. There will be no desperate hard pushes. I want to breathe my babies into the world, not painfully push them into the world.

(self explanatory)

17. Application of oil or hot compresses are to be used to avoid a painful episiotomy.

(Self explanatory)

18. If a medical emergency does arise we must have a discussion, and vacuum extraction is to be used instead of foreceps.

(Foreseps can be extremely dangerous for babies.)

19. We would like to fully complete the birthing process before suctioning the baby.

(Self explanatory.)

20. Right after birth we would like our children and other family to be allowed in the room so they can see and bond with the babies.

(self explanatory)

21. Allow up to 35 to 40 minutes for natural placenta delivery.

(self explanatory)

22. In case of emergency, (of both babies), father of children, (Name), to remain with baby A in the event of a surgical procedre. Baby B to remain with sister (name). If 1 baby needs a surgical procedure, father will go with whichever baby is having issues.

(Someone I trust to be with babies in case of issues)

23. We want skin to skin contact with babies being placed on mother's abdomen immediatly after birth.

(Bonding time)

24. We want to delay cleaning and rubbing baby allowing vernix to be absorbed into babies' skin.

(Vernix is very good for babies.)

25. Delay use of Erythromycin to or other salve for baby's eyes to allow optimal sight for bonding.

(Bonding)

26. Oral Vitamin K is preferred if available. Otherwise, delay injection until after baby is acclimated.

(Again, bonding time)

27. Both breastfeeding and bottle feeding are okay.

(We don't mind a little of both if needed)

28. I want all my baby's procedures to be done in my room with a full explanation of why they are needed so I can either agree or decide not to do them, if possible. I want my babies if possible in the room with us for the duration of our hospital stay unless there is an emergency that dictates otherwise.

(Bonding)

Well that is it. Lets see how flexible my doctor is tomorrow.

 

*** Update - Saw my doctor

Okay so he did NOT run for the hills. However, he was completely against most of what I had written down. I found out that it is hospital policy to give birth in the OR (operating Room), if you are pregnant with twins. So I called 2 other hospitals and they have the same policy.

He was against everything but lighting and music. Because of our differences, I decided to go with a birthing center. I called them today and spoke with them, and they are just fine with my birthing plan. They have delivered 43 sets of twins, and never had a problem. I will give birth IN the birthing center, and it sounds great. My insurance is taken by them so that is also a plus. Everything on my list is fine with them.

by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 5:11 PM
Replies (551-560):
bandgeek521
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 8:29 PM

I'm glad you found a way to have what you want work out - when the time comes I hope for a healthy and happy delivery for all of you :)

HotMamaRosie
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 9:21 PM

What I'm saying is that everyone has the right to choose. And if this is what she wants, I don't think an obgyn was a good choice for her care. I have a friend who, when it came time for her to have her baby, camped out in a tent with her dh by a lake bc that's where she wanted to birth. Nevermind, the thought of the baby being born in freezing ass water temps or any sort of complications taking place. I thought it was the most assanine ludicrous, most selfish thing I ever heard. But someone wise had to talk me down and remind me that the right to choose also belongs to those who choose dangerously. To recap, she should have had a doula or midwife from the start. It's her right to chose, And it's her choice to know what to chose instead if things go according to her plan. Anyone can hope and request whatever they want, what they get is a different story. 

Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting HotMamaRosie:

I don't see any issues or anything different than my3 birthing plans except the 40 minute placenta delivery and the oral vitamin k. I went to 1 hospital and 2 birthing centers and none of them have it. Also, it was never more than 10 minutes for the placenta. Good luck! Though I want to add that if this is your birthing plan, you should have gotten a midwife or doula, not a doctor. 

Really? No time limits on labor? So, if she labors for 5 days, that is okay? There are some pretty widely accepted time limits on labor for the health of both baby and mom. Don't want routine blood tests because she does not like needles. OK...there are some standards of care. Let's say that, God forbid, she has some medical issues. If the doctor is not following standard medical practices, the doctor opens himself up for malpractice suits, disciplinary actions from the state medical board. One of the ways to monitor a labor is through some routine tests. I HATE iv's but it is safer to have a heparin lock than to try to start an iv in the middle of an emergency. Many hospitals have policies on how many people can be in the OR. If she should encounter a situation where she needs general anesthesia, NO ONE other than medical professionals are allowed in the Or. It is fine to say that you want your baby to have a trusted adult with them at all times, but that is not feasible if the infant has to be resuscitated. Generally, no one is allowed with the infant during resuscitation efforts. I had to laugh at the "I want to request internal exams." Yeah, right. They don't come in every 5 to 10 minutes to do them. I was in labor for 21 hours and was "checked" maybe 3 times.

At the risk of the op adding MORE to her list, I am surprised that she has not including the use of gels to ripen the cervix or of internal monitoring.

I honestly cannot imagine a doctor worth his degree allowing a patient to predetermine a procedure in a medical emergency...There are times when you CANNOT stop and have a pow wow in the middle of an emergency.

I had the world's greatest ob. I said many times that I would have his children. He cared for lots and lots of high risk pregnancies, mine included. We talked about things in advance. He actually had a topic for every visit and handouts for you to take with you. He would have said that he would accommodate what he could, but would not lock himself in. I trusted him and he helped me deliver two beautiful sons. I don't think many doctors could have gotten me to a safe conclusion of either pregnancies and even he later told me he was not sure we were going to have a healthy outcome with my first pregnancy.

I can fully understand wanting a private room (that is a hospital policy, not the dr in most cases), wanting to delay a pit drip if possible, wanting to walk around, but not many of the things beyond that. There are reasons they don't want you drinking a lot on your own...if you have to have surgery, aspiration into the lungs is a possibility.

I sincerely hope the op has a good birth experience. I had very different and unexpected complications with both deliveries. I am so thankful that I had a dr I adored and trusted to do what was right for me and my babies. The ONLY think I would have asked for differently was to have a different anesthesiologist with the first....I later found out that he chewed the dr out...outside of my ears. LOVED THAT MAN.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 79 on Jun. 18, 2013 at 11:42 PM
2 moms liked this
I don't like my doctor's plan for my gall bladder removal next month, so I am going to list out my demands of how I want him and the hospital staff to treat me and do my surgery. I don't care that my surgeon went through 12 years of college and med school I know more than him. Sound ridicoulous? That is how crazy you are coming off as.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 115 on Jun. 19, 2013 at 12:26 AM

Glad I'm not your ob :)

mom2ljh
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 12:27 AM
Glad you've found somewhere you're able to have the experience you desire.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 95 on Jun. 19, 2013 at 1:02 AM

Quoting HotMamaRosie:

What I'm saying is that everyone has the right to choose. And if this is what she wants, I don't think an obgyn was a good choice for her care. I have a friend who, when it came time for her to have her baby, camped out in a tent with her dh by a lake bc that's where she wanted to birth. Nevermind, the thought of the baby being born in freezing ass water temps or any sort of complications taking place. I thought it was the most assanine ludicrous, most selfish thing I ever heard. But someone wise had to talk me down and remind me that the right to choose also belongs to those who choose dangerously. To recap, she should have had a doula or midwife from the start. It's her right to chose, And it's her choice to know what to chose instead if things go according to her plan. Anyone can hope and request whatever they want, what they get is a different story. 

Quoting Anonymous:



Quoting HotMamaRosie:

I don't see any issues or anything different than my3 birthing plans except the 40 minute placenta delivery and the oral vitamin k. I went to 1 hospital and 2 birthing centers and none of them have it. Also, it was never more than 10 minutes for the placenta. Good luck! Though I want to add that if this is your birthing plan, you should have gotten a midwife or doula, not a doctor. 

Really? No time limits on labor? So, if she labors for 5 days, that is okay? There are some pretty widely accepted time limits on labor for the health of both baby and mom. Don't want routine blood tests because she does not like needles. OK...there are some standards of care. Let's say that, God forbid, she has some medical issues. If the doctor is not following standard medical practices, the doctor opens himself up for malpractice suits, disciplinary actions from the state medical board. One of the ways to monitor a labor is through some routine tests. I HATE iv's but it is safer to have a heparin lock than to try to start an iv in the middle of an emergency. Many hospitals have policies on how many people can be in the OR. If she should encounter a situation where she needs general anesthesia, NO ONE other than medical professionals are allowed in the Or. It is fine to say that you want your baby to have a trusted adult with them at all times, but that is not feasible if the infant has to be resuscitated. Generally, no one is allowed with the infant during resuscitation efforts. I had to laugh at the "I want to request internal exams." Yeah, right. They don't come in every 5 to 10 minutes to do them. I was in labor for 21 hours and was "checked" maybe 3 times.

At the risk of the op adding MORE to her list, I am surprised that she has not including the use of gels to ripen the cervix or of internal monitoring.

I honestly cannot imagine a doctor worth his degree allowing a patient to predetermine a procedure in a medical emergency...There are times when you CANNOT stop and have a pow wow in the middle of an emergency.

I had the world's greatest ob. I said many times that I would have his children. He cared for lots and lots of high risk pregnancies, mine included. We talked about things in advance. He actually had a topic for every visit and handouts for you to take with you. He would have said that he would accommodate what he could, but would not lock himself in. I trusted him and he helped me deliver two beautiful sons. I don't think many doctors could have gotten me to a safe conclusion of either pregnancies and even he later told me he was not sure we were going to have a healthy outcome with my first pregnancy.

I can fully understand wanting a private room (that is a hospital policy, not the dr in most cases), wanting to delay a pit drip if possible, wanting to walk around, but not many of the things beyond that. There are reasons they don't want you drinking a lot on your own...if you have to have surgery, aspiration into the lungs is a possibility.

I sincerely hope the op has a good birth experience. I had very different and unexpected complications with both deliveries. I am so thankful that I had a dr I adored and trusted to do what was right for me and my babies. The ONLY think I would have asked for differently was to have a different anesthesiologist with the first....I later found out that he chewed the dr out...outside of my ears. LOVED THAT MAN.




My point is that she did not choose a midwife or doula. She is not have a singleton delivery, she is delivering twins. There are things on this list that are absolute bullshit...ie, the father being with the baby if the baby needs a surgical procedure. NO GOSPITAL in the USA allows parents in the OR during a surgical procedure. IF she wants to squat in a field, go ahead, but don't employ a medical doctor and then tell the dr to abandon ALL established protocol. I read this nonsense to my kid who is about to graduate with a medical degree and he literally rolled on the floor. He has seen too much in his countless hours in the hospital to date and has worked with micro premies and other newborns at one of the top hospitals around and knows the reasons for the established procedures. IF a person is making a decision that only endangers their own health, more power to them; but, when they endanger the lives of 2 innocent babies, their ability to make all decisions is off. That is why there are established procedures to allow medical professionals, like it or not, to do what is best for the infant. The birthing center is better for her...but if they agreed to everything on this list, they are lying to her because there are things that would not even be done in a birthing center...the babies would be transferred to a higher level NICU and parents do not call the shots in the nicu. I wish her the best in her delivery, but this list is just a nightmare. She is still FAR away from her due date and much can happen and change between now and then. I hope the insurance company referred her to several midwives who are more willing to meet her needs.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 116 on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:40 AM
Honestly, I consider myself very lucky, because my hospital already does most of these things on your list. Now, I have never had twins, but my friend is currently pregnant with twins, & we have the same OB. The hospital here does not require twin delivery in the OR. That one is just kind of weird. They generally don't let you eat during labor, but I never had a problem with that. I certainly was not hungry, lol. Most everything else I did...quiet, calming labor/delivery, delayed bath/weight/measurements, delayed eye drops, breastfeed immediately, baby in room, etc. Our hospital is very natural-minded. Oh, & we have whirlpool tubs in each room to labor in, if we wished. We also have 2 birth centers in town. I'm glad you were able to find the birth center, I hope everything goes well for you. :)
justpeachy71904
by peachy on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:45 AM
Umm I gave up.

Holy hell. I am ttc and am in uber shock at this I'm sorry :(

I t seems.somewhat over the top.
cjsix
by Platinum Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:48 AM

 Love the update! Good for you Momma!

Val99
by Ruby Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 12:54 PM

Have you ever had any other children?


After an uneventful pregnancy, my healthy daughter-in-law would have died, and the baby too, if she had not been within 5 minutes of a full OR with emergency medical equipment and a competent surgeon.  I would check how long it would take to get into a full OR if something goes wrong.  I'd hate for you to put your children's lives in jeopardy over a bathtub.

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