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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Extreamly frustrated... *sex related* *long*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 60 Replies

When I first met my SO, we had sex constantly.  Our first time was 4 HOURS LONG!!!  Guy is AMAZING in bed!  Or was.  We've been together 2 years on and off.  Well, last summer, we made the choice to be completely on and ended up getting pregnant.  Ever since then, the sex has all but stopped.  He's had some health issues, some stomach and joint problems.  We're still not sure what the deal is with that.  Also, there's the pregnancy to deal with.  Complete surprise.  Long story short, I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant.  It was like only 3% possible, but I guess we got there anyway.  lol  We were both very surprised but we're happy about our DD.  She should be here in the next 6 weeks.  Before it's suggested, he knows he will not hurt the baby.  He's gone with me to talk to the doctor and the doctor has encouraged us to have sex as much as we feel we want to.

We have sex MAYBE once a week, and it's MAYBE 10 minutes before he climaxes and we're done.  He says that it just isn't something he worries about right now, what with all the other worries on our minds.  He'll say he's hurting or not feeling well and that will be that.  Ok, well, I feel like he's just not attracted to me anymore.  Not with the pregnancy being so pronounced and all.  I've only gained about 20 lbs, but I feel like most of that is in my butt.  He says that he's great with that and thinks I'm still as sexy as ever.  It's just that I don't feel like he likes me anymore.  He likes to cuddle or whatever but if I so much as bring up sex recently, he gets upset.  Case in point: We haven't had sex since last Wednesday and I haven't mentioned much about it, just a few teasing comments here and there.  Well, last night was father's day so I thought, "Hey, why not?" and I tried to get him in the mood.  I'd make naughty comments even flashed him some boob a time or two.  He'd laugh and roll his eyes.  Then, after a few hours of dropping hints, I got impatient and said, "Are we going to have sex tonight?"  He got upset and said that "It gets really old when you bring it up all the time!"  Ok, we haven't had sex in 4 days, I haven't commented on it except teasing until right then.  How is that bringing it up all the time? 

Now, I have few coping mechanisms that I can use for stress while I'm pregnant.  I can't drink.  I can't go to the gym (OB's orders).  I don't want to eat my feelings because I've been there, done that and it wasn't fun.  Sex was something I used to not only release my stress, but it also helps me feel a bit more secure in my relationship, allows me to get a sense of intimacy with my partner and makes me feel like he might actually want me.  With the dramatic decrease in not only frequency but quality, I'm very concerned.  I know he's not cheating because we're always home together.  Whenever we leave, I'm generally the one driving because of his joint problems and I have full access to his phone whenever I want.  I trust in the fact that he's not cheating, but I don't feel like he's attracted to me anymore.  I told him last night that I just won't tell him when I want sex anymore.  I slept fully clothed, even though it was even more uncomfortable than I normally am and I intend to do so tonight, too.  He's already gone to bed and I'm not going for a while.  I don't know what to do.  I feel very hurt, vulnerable and confused right now.  It doesn't help that in past relationships, my ex husband said I was disgusting when I was pregnant and openly cheated on me.  What do I do?

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 18, 2013 at 3:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 18, 2013 at 3:13 AM

BUMP!

BekahBrownEyes
by NoLies on Jun. 18, 2013 at 3:15 AM
1 mom liked this
Is he willing to go down on you? This way he doesn't have to move his body as much...just his tongue.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 18, 2013 at 3:17 AM

He used to a lot, like almost ever time we had sex.  I think in th last three months, I've been eaten out once.


Quoting BekahBrownEyes:

Is he willing to go down on you? This way he doesn't have to move his body as much...just his tongue.



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 18, 2013 at 3:20 AM

BUMP!

tossed
by Platinum Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 3:22 AM
8 moms liked this

No dear, it is medical. If he is having joint pain, SEX HURTS HIM. It may hurt him for hours after sex. If you are driving due to his joint pains, I can't imagine how painful sex is. He needs a full medical work up. It sounds like he is scared. He may have also had a drop in testosterone levels.

Don't keep pushing him. Suggest he see a dr to get to the bottom of his joint pains....a rheumatologist is the appropriate specialist to see.

OrangeBalloon
by Platinum Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 3:25 AM

Okay, you are being a little sensitive. I understand this because I was a lot like you. :)

What your dh needs to do is do things and say things that will remind you of how he feels about you without it being sexual. Sex drive for BOTH of you will increase and decrease as time goes on. That's just how it is. He has hit a lull. It happens and it is NORMAL. Now, you understand that there are other ways for your dh to show you he loves you and thinks you are beautiful WITHOUT it steaming from sex. Perhaps if he could do that for you, you wouldn't depend on sex as much as you do. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 18, 2013 at 3:28 AM
We've been to the doctor. To many doctors. We've seen 4 arthritis specialists, we're on our third gastrointestinal specialist. We've had his joints drained over a dozen times. We've done colonoscopies, endoscopies, and xrays. We've been trying to figure it out and I've stood beside him the entire step of the way, scheduling my doctor's appointments around his so I can be there for his and he can be there for the baby's and taken care of his every want and need throughout. Most of the time, when we do have sex, I'm on top and doing all the work. He just has to kind of lay there and let me. I know he's really sick, believe me. If I see that he's not feeling well or is hurting, I usually don't bring it up at all. I just feel like my needs aren't being considered at all. Both physical or emotional.
Quoting tossed:

No dear, it is medical. If he is having joint pain, SEX HURTS HIM. It may hurt him for hours after sex. If you are driving due to his joint pains, I can't imagine how painful sex is. He needs a full medical work up. It sounds like he is scared. He may have also had a drop in testosterone levels.

Don't keep pushing him. Suggest he see a dr to get to the bottom of his joint pains....a rheumatologist is the appropriate specialist to see.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 18, 2013 at 3:33 AM

I understand that this is my problem and not his, but I have never been able to take a compliment.  Growing up, I was raised to believe that compliments were just tools used to manipulate.  I was the "ugly duckling" growing up and I knew it.  My family and friends would make sure I was fully aware of it.  I just don't accept them well.  He says I'm beautiful and sexy and that he wants me, but I have a very hard time believing him, especially right now.  I think that's why I became so dependant on sex, because it's hard for a guy to lie about attraction through that.  If they're not attracted, they won't have sex with you...  I just feel really bad.


Quoting OrangeBalloon:

Okay, you are being a little sensitive. I understand this because I was a lot like you. :)

What your dh needs to do is do things and say things that will remind you of how he feels about you without it being sexual. Sex drive for BOTH of you will increase and decrease as time goes on. That's just how it is. He has hit a lull. It happens and it is NORMAL. Now, you understand that there are other ways for your dh to show you he loves you and thinks you are beautiful WITHOUT it steaming from sex. Perhaps if he could do that for you, you wouldn't depend on sex as much as you do. 



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 18, 2013 at 3:42 AM

BUMP!

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 18, 2013 at 3:49 AM

Only 3 people? 

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