Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I just found my son's father on fb after 6 years of looking for him...wwyd? ETA new info

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 83 Replies
So the last time I talked to this guy I was 9 months pregnant. He never answered the phone or any messages I sent. Then he disappeared for years...no one has ever been able to find him including the state...that is until about 15 minutes ago. I was talking to a friend of mine and she asked me about my son's dad. I told her I hadn't been able to find him since 2006 and then I did a facebook search just to see what would come up and there he was. Like a freaking ghost from the past. My son apparently has (at least) 2 half brothers now. I don't know what to do. My son has a good life, but we are slightly unstable. I could use the support until I can get a good job and (provided he actually wanted something to do with him) I would like my son to know his father. I am so scared to contact him though. What if he tries to take him from me? This guy lives over 22 hours from me...what if he wants/gets visitation and I have to send my kid to someone he has never met and to a place he has never been? I can't afford court costs, I can't stand any additional drama in my life, but is that fair to my son?? I don't know what to do. I need some advice. :( ****************************************************** So my friend and I were complete stalkers this morning. I found the other girl he got pregnant at the same time as me and looked at all her pictures. It is clear that they aren't together and there is not one single picture of them together as a family on her page. There are only 3 pictures of them together on his mother's page, so that tells me that he isn't involved in his other two kids' lives and that they only get together on holidays...if that. That being said, I think it would be pointless to try to contact him. If he isn't involved with the kids who live in the same town as him, why would he be involved with my son who lives 22 hours away??!! I didn't find out any additional information from anyone's fb page that I haven't already turned over to the state in the past few years, so it is all a wash. I don't really want his money or need it. Sure, it would be nice to have some help, but I have made it almost 7 years without it and been through much worse stuff, so it wasn't for money that I was considering contacting him...it was to have a relationship with his son. Apparently that is out of the question, so I give up. I will periodically check his fb just to keep up and then when my son is older, if he wants to contact him, then I will tell him everything I know. I just don't think contacting him would be beneficial to anyone involved. It would only bring drama and potential problems. Nothing is worth hurting my son.
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:18 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:41 AM

I really need advice...not a troll post at all. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:43 AM

What state are you in?

 

DieselsMom
by Gold Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:47 AM
2 moms liked this

Leave him alone..first it is NOT ok to go after him for money without him getting a chance to be a part of his sons life...second he lives so far away that it is not likely he COULD be a part of his life anyway, this is going to cause more drama than you want, and the outcome may not be what you expect if he is stable and you are not!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:50 AM
5 moms liked this

i'd try to find out if he worked and if so, inform child support then leave it alone.

he knows that you were pregnant. if the child mattered, he would've been looking for you YEARS ago. you have the information, for the most part, that you can kinda hold onto it until you son starts asking about his biological dad and it can be his decision if he wants to meet him or not.

HeyEinstein
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:50 AM
What exactly happened to end the relationship?

Was he abusuve in any way?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:51 AM
1 mom liked this

You need to get child support from him. He owes it to his son! I wouldn't contact him first, but I would contact the child support office and have them tell you what to do next.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:52 AM
Quoting DieselsMom:

Leave him alone..first it is NOT ok to go after him for money without him getting a chance to be a part of his sons life...second he lives so far away that it is not likely he COULD be a part of his life anyway, this is going to cause more drama than you want, and the outcome may not be what you expect if he is stable and you are not!

I don't really want his money. I told him I wouldn't go after him for it a long time ago. We fell on super hard times a few years ago and the state made me give them his name so I could get some help. They determined that he was dead because there was no record of him at all since 2007 and they couldn't find him. I am doing better now than I was then. Trust me when I tell you that I am terrified to contact him at all because I know exactly what could happen. I want to just leave it alone, but now it is eating at me. I shouldn't have searched for his name. I am so upset now.
yayay15
by Ruby Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:53 AM
1 mom liked this
I would leave it alone. That's just me though. Good luck in whatever you decide!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:55 AM
Quoting HeyEinstein:

What exactly happened to end the relationship?

Was he abusuve in any way?
No, not at all. I was young and stupid and had a one night stand on Spring Break. I met him and he seemed like a really nice guy. We got drunk (I was underage) and next thing I know I am pregnant and 22 hours away from him. I called and told him and he told me he would help me, but never did. I sent him hundreds of messages and never got a response. He got another girl pregnant at the same time as me and now I guess my son has at least 2 half brothers out there, judging by the pictures on facebook.
gigis1
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 2:55 AM
It depends on your past with him
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)