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Trying to decide between abortion and adoption.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 116 Replies
We found out I'm pregnant.
We cannot keep this baby.

I wish we could. But we can't. And I feel like it would be selfish to keep this baby when we know we can't provide for it, unfair to the baby and unfair to our daughter who is 14 months.

I honestly don't even see how I got pregnant. I was on BC pills and we used condoms. I thought the whole point if using twos forms of BC was so that if one failed the other was there as back up. As far as I can tell I never missed a pill and took them all on time. The last time we had a condom break was 3 months ago. I don't know how far along I am yet, I find out Tuesday, but in pretty sure Im only like 7 weeks, so that broken condom couldn't have done it.

But anyway, I'm pregnant, and we can't keep the baby.

On one hand I feel like abortion would be easier. Have the abortion. And then we can go on and pretend it didn't happen.

But on the other hand, I don't know that I'm willing to have an abortion. Would it be easier? I personally think so....

But..I just don't know that I could go through with it.

But when it comes to adoption I also don't know if I could carry out baby for 9 months and then hand it over to someone else..... I also don't know whether I would want an open or closed adoption..

Part of me feels like I would want to know how my baby was doing and that not knowing would always leave that thought in the back of my mind of "I have a child out there. I don't know where he/she is our how he/she is doing". But I also feel like knowing would make it even hard and make me want that child even more.

I feel like if I carry this baby, the more it grows, the mores it moves, the more I feel it and see it, the more I'm
Going to want to keep it, the more I'm going to love it, and the more I'm
Going to feel like I can't give it up.

I feel like by the time the baby would be born. I wouldn't be able to hand it over.

And even though abortion seems easier, I don't think I could go trough with it. I know that technically "it isn't a baby yet" but to me, I would feel I was killing my baby.

Basically I have to decide what may to not keep my baby.

I've tried to get dhs opinion. When we found out we both said that we couldn't keep the baby. But he won't tell me what he thinks or wants. He says that he doesn't want to tell me because he doesn't want me to feel like I was pressured to do what he thought was best. He just keeps telling me that I should make whatever decision I feel is better whether its abortion, adoptions or keeping the baby, and that he'll support my decision no matter what.

I know it's not possible for us to keep this baby. We both know that. But I wish it was. And honesty, I think that's what dh is thinking too. But we both know that we couldn't provide for this baby, and that by bringing in a baby we know we cat provide for that would take away from providing for our daughter.

Right now, I just feel like
No choice is the right choice.

If we keep the baby, we won't be able to provide for it, it would take away from providing for dd. we don't know where we'd end up. Or what we'd do. We'd probably end up in an huge hole and wouldn't we able to provide for either of our kids.

If I choose adoption I feel like I'm just handing my baby over. And I don't know that I could go thorough with it. It just doesn't feel right to me.

If I choose abortion I feel like I'm killing my child, and taking away any chance it had. And that doesn't feel right to me either.

I just don't know what to do at this point.

I'm not expecting much out of those post. It's mostly just to..I dunno..rant.

But I dunno. Maybe some one here has had to make this choice too and has some advice...
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 22, 2013 at 3:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 22, 2013 at 3:56 PM
6 moms liked this

one more baby isnt that much of a difference. in the long run cost wise. not much more food costs if you are thrifty buying clothes can be cheap, there are tons of resources out to help families, and the only way you will know how your baby is raised is if you do it yourself.

mommy74146
by Platinum Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 3:59 PM
I don't know what to tell you. It's ultimately your decision. There are cons to both choices. You are going to have to weigh each decision and eventually make your choice. I'm sorry. :(
terpmama
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 4:03 PM

In what way do you think you can't provide?

sfigu16
by Platinum Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 4:03 PM
2 moms liked this

From personale expirience, I had an abortion two years ago and i still regret it. Abortion is not an easy decision. It stays with you forever. You are always thinking of what ifs. If i could go back, i would change my decision and have my baby. I hope you make a decision that is right for YOU and your family. Dont let anyone pressure you,a t the end is you who has the right to make the decision.I wish you nothing but the best and i hope you find peace. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 22, 2013 at 4:04 PM

No matter what you do, you will always wonder if you did the right thing. Talk to a counselor.
They won't have an answer, but talking it out might help you organize your thoughts and priorities. I adopted one of my children and the BM is still in his life. She has regrets sometimes, then other times she disappears for months.   

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 22, 2013 at 4:05 PM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like you will have a lot of guilt if you abort.  Even if if you choose adoption you are likely to feel guilty but there is the possibility of open adoption which might ease the guilt a lot once you see it's going well.  When considering abortion, think about how the guilt and possible depression might affect the rest of your life and your dd.  Any choice you make, you will life with the consequences for a lifetime.  So make sure it's one you can live with.  Good luck, sending hugs and prayers!

Edit:  I really think your husband needs to tell you how he feels and what he wants.  You're making a life together, so you should be making this decision together.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 22, 2013 at 4:05 PM
It isn't just money. We can't afford to keep this baby in any way. Not just financially. Time. Space. Emotionally. Financially. We don't have the baby things we would need. We got rid of dds baby things as she out grew them because we didn't have anywhere to keep them and weren't planning on having another baby for quite awhile, at least until dh finished school. Which is another 3 years. Dd has Health issue that haven't been diagnosed yet. We had to move to a smaller apartment and we can't fit a baby here, and we can't afford to
Move. We have one bedroom, with our bed, dds bed, and
One dresser, thOse few things take up the whole room and our bed is only a twin bed. Her toys have to stay in the closet. The living room has a couch. A chair. A coffee table and a tv, and hardly any floor left. In the bathroom you can sit on the toilet and reach into the shower to the right or reach straight a head on to the sink. He kitchen is so small that you can step across it in two steps. The stove is so tiny it only has two burners. And I'm taller than the fridge

We've got no money. No room. No baby things....


Quoting Anonymous:

one more baby isnt that much of a difference. in the long run cost wise. not much more food costs if you are thrifty buying clothes can be cheap, there are tons of resources out to help families, and the only way you will know how your baby is raised is if you do it yourself.


paigea
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 4:06 PM


This

Quoting Anonymous:

No matter what you do, you will always wonder if you did the right thing. Talk to a counselor.
They won't have an answer, but talking it out might help you organize your thoughts and priorities. I adopted one of my children and the BM is still in his life. She has regrets sometimes, then other times she disappears for months.   



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 22, 2013 at 4:07 PM
Basically in every way. We have no money. No space. We're struggling to just take of dd. i don't see how we can take care of another baby. The reply above the previous one explains or better />
Quoting terpmama:

In what way do you think you can't provide?



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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 22, 2013 at 4:08 PM
Personally any baby that I would gave birth to I'd keep. If I didn't feel ready to parent a child I'd have an abortion.
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