We cannot keep this baby.
I wish we could. But we can't. And I feel like it would be selfish to keep this baby when we know we can't provide for it, unfair to the baby and unfair to our daughter who is 14 months.
I honestly don't even see how I got pregnant. I was on BC pills and we used condoms. I thought the whole point if using twos forms of BC was so that if one failed the other was there as back up. As far as I can tell I never missed a pill and took them all on time. The last time we had a condom break was 3 months ago. I don't know how far along I am yet, I find out Tuesday, but in pretty sure Im only like 7 weeks, so that broken condom couldn't have done it.
But anyway, I'm pregnant, and we can't keep the baby.
On one hand I feel like abortion would be easier. Have the abortion. And then we can go on and pretend it didn't happen.
But on the other hand, I don't know that I'm willing to have an abortion. Would it be easier? I personally think so....
But..I just don't know that I could go through with it.
But when it comes to adoption I also don't know if I could carry out baby for 9 months and then hand it over to someone else..... I also don't know whether I would want an open or closed adoption..
Part of me feels like I would want to know how my baby was doing and that not knowing would always leave that thought in the back of my mind of "I have a child out there. I don't know where he/she is our how he/she is doing". But I also feel like knowing would make it even hard and make me want that child even more.
I feel like if I carry this baby, the more it grows, the mores it moves, the more I feel it and see it, the more I'm
Going to want to keep it, the more I'm going to love it, and the more I'm
Going to feel like I can't give it up.
I feel like by the time the baby would be born. I wouldn't be able to hand it over.
And even though abortion seems easier, I don't think I could go trough with it. I know that technically "it isn't a baby yet" but to me, I would feel I was killing my baby.
Basically I have to decide what may to not keep my baby.
I've tried to get dhs opinion. When we found out we both said that we couldn't keep the baby. But he won't tell me what he thinks or wants. He says that he doesn't want to tell me because he doesn't want me to feel like I was pressured to do what he thought was best. He just keeps telling me that I should make whatever decision I feel is better whether its abortion, adoptions or keeping the baby, and that he'll support my decision no matter what.
I know it's not possible for us to keep this baby. We both know that. But I wish it was. And honesty, I think that's what dh is thinking too. But we both know that we couldn't provide for this baby, and that by bringing in a baby we know we cat provide for that would take away from providing for our daughter.
Right now, I just feel like
No choice is the right choice.
If we keep the baby, we won't be able to provide for it, it would take away from providing for dd. we don't know where we'd end up. Or what we'd do. We'd probably end up in an huge hole and wouldn't we able to provide for either of our kids.
If I choose adoption I feel like I'm just handing my baby over. And I don't know that I could go thorough with it. It just doesn't feel right to me.
If I choose abortion I feel like I'm killing my child, and taking away any chance it had. And that doesn't feel right to me either.
I just don't know what to do at this point.
I'm not expecting much out of those post. It's mostly just to..I dunno..rant.
But I dunno. Maybe some one here has had to make this choice too and has some advice...