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Why do some single moms act manly/think they don't need help?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

My bff is a single mom. Technically to her older child. She has a bf and has a new baby with him but she still acts as if she has to do everything. He asks her if she needs help with things, she says she doesn't need it, she's ok. She carries in all the groceries along with her baby in the car seat carrier, doesn't txt her bf to come out and help. I know this cause I lived with them for a little bit cause I needed a place to crash for a while. She's just too accustomed to doing everything on her own, ever since her ex(baby daddy to her first) was unemployed or worked at the car wash, she had to pay his way for gas and rent, etc. I'm afraid her relationship with this guy won't last. Does she need therapy to be more of a woman than like a man cause of what she's been through in the past? Her bf can't support everyone though since he has spousal support obligations, hence why she feels neglected even more cause she's in the same predictament again but this guy does have a job but has to support another household and doesn't have enough to support his new child. They planned this baby but hoped his shit with his ex would've been over but she;s dragging her feet with the divorce and support, my bff did not want to abort the child. She works two jobs to support everyone. What he has leftover after support is only enough to make his car payments and gas and one utility bill in their apartment. He can't pay for diapers/other baby needs. The rest is all on her.

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 22, 2013 at 5:02 PM
Replies (21-30):
leximann
by Bronze Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 5:18 PM

 


Quoting Anonymous:

 

Quoting GirlWithANikon:

So she is self sufficient which means she is manly? .... Are you an idiot ? I think you need therapy for thinking a woman can do things on her own. I am married and have NEVER been a single mom and can carry all my own groceries as well. Some people just aren't lazy, weak, or dependent. Thats a GOOD thing, not a reason for therapy. And any man who is afraid of a women who can do it without, is no man at all.

If the guy is a leech and shes supporting him she should ditch him though.

 BUT she has a bf that can help her. Maybe not financially but you know what I mean. When I lived with them, he used to come up to me and say 'she acts like she has a penis at times, as if I'm here.'

He obviously doesn't respect her if he's saying stuff like that, and you aren't really much of a friend to think she's wrong in being independent.  Why should she become dependent on the man to do things for her when it doesn't sound like she can depend on him for much else?  Girl WithANikon I agree with you any man who is afraid of a women who can do without is no man at all.

 

ImNotKarl
by Also Not Paul on Jun. 22, 2013 at 5:19 PM

I'm married and still self-sufficient. My husband helps all the time, but I don't feel the need to ask him to help me with stuff. I was the financial provider for over a year, If I go shopping, I bring in the kid and the groceries without asking for help, I check my oil and transmission fluid... Being strong, independent, and self-sufficient is NOT the same as acting manly, and any man that can't handle a woman that can handle herself should really reevaluate his perspective, and grow the hell up.

gemikris82
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 5:19 PM

whats wrong with a woman doing it all? shes a mom, a multi tasker. 

tysmommy98
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 5:19 PM
You'd hate me then. I'm very independent. I don't need to have anyone do things for me. Why is this so upsetting to you? Does it bother you she can take care of herself and you can't? Not every one is co dependent. You're not a very good friend if you're talking all this crap about her. And her boy friend is just as bad.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 22, 2013 at 5:20 PM

a child needs two parents. It is very difficult for one to do it all by themselves. You can be independent, but it is impossible for one parent to do the work of two.  Kids who grow up in single parent homes without the other parent being involved miss out . Sorry, but this is what I believe.  I saw it myself, basically raising my child w/out the help of her father(he has mental and addiction issues). Financially yes, but that is NOT enough.  Emotionally they need to be there for them as well.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 22, 2013 at 5:21 PM

Quoting gemikris82:

whats wrong with a woman doing it all? shes a mom, a multi tasker. 


no one can just do it all. They may think they can, but it is impossible. There is a reason it takes two to get pregnant.
mommyinthe303
by Silver Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 5:21 PM
I do all that and the issue is if we are conformed that way for so long it just happens
thenameshailie
by Ruby Member on Jun. 22, 2013 at 5:21 PM

Maybe because he is only her boyfriend and she doesnt want to get spoiled since he is free to leave whenever he wants so she does things for herself, which is okay.

elkmomma
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 5:21 PM

Hmmm   wonder what that makes our SOs / DHs?  

 My SO loves that I'm self sufficient and he doesn't HAVE to help with most things.  He knows he's not obligated to help with every day things and I never want him to feel that way.  Most of the time he simply does things for me / us out of love, honor, and maybe even a little pride to make him feel good. 

NieceS
by on Jun. 22, 2013 at 5:22 PM

She is not manly. If he can't help financially you think she should pretend to be physically weak to stroke his ego. That is odd.

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