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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I don't like to be touched.but I let him tonight

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 42 Replies
My body is sensitive I have never like being touched I was raped at a very young age and I only have prices of horrible nightmares to remember the events. It got worse after I was molested at 14. I am terrified of being touched... It hurts me emotionally letting some one touch me is a very HUGE deal to me it's like I feel they can see the real me when they touch me ( sounds crazy I know)

Well tonight I let a man touch me.. He sensed how uneasy I was and thought he was being to rough but infact he was being to gentle.. It made me very nervous.. But I let touch my body... I felt awful because I was so anxious that I layed still focusing on each touch trying to decipher his next move that I didn't touch him until he would move my hands to touch him then I would remember.. I'm so tired of not being able to be touched or orgasm or be normal.. My past haunts me no matter how I try to let it go., I can hardly stand it when my two year old dd touched me. It had become easier though and I've stopped flinching when she touches me..
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 23, 2013 at 12:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 23, 2013 at 12:55 AM
So you're 16 and you had a daughter from the rape?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 23, 2013 at 12:58 AM
That's really tough; I'm sorry.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 23, 2013 at 12:58 AM
I don't like being touched or hugged... I have high functioning Autism, though. My SO knows that I have to initiate touch so that I am ready. My kids drive me into overload a lot. I am like you, but I don't think I could ever have a stranger touch me.

Maybe you need therapy?
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 23, 2013 at 12:59 AM
No I'm 20 I had my daughter from a different man. After I was molested I thought by giving a man sex he would love me so my ex abused that and I got pregnant.


Quoting Anonymous:

So you're 16 and you had a daughter from the rape?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 23, 2013 at 12:59 AM
That's what I was wondering to. I hope the man was a loving boyfriend...


Quoting Anonymous:

So you're 16 and you had a daughter from the rape?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:02 AM
I do need therapy and I try but it's really hard. I have sensitivity issues along with the fear of being touched so it makes me very very anxious. This is something hard to admit I usually don't tell people but this man knew right away he kissed me and touched me neck and I lost all control of what calmness I had left.. So he wasn't a stranger and he knew my fear it was defiantly emotional for me


Quoting Anonymous:

I don't like being touched or hugged... I have high functioning Autism, though. My SO knows that I have to initiate touch so that I am ready. My kids drive me into overload a lot. I am like you, but I don't think I could ever have a stranger touch me.



Maybe you need therapy?

liels898
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:02 AM

I've been in the exact same boat. The main thing I would tell you is to keep your voice. If it's going to fast or you're uncomfortable, speak up. It's incredibly frustrating feeling like you're never going to be normal but the best thing to combat that is to feel in control of yourself, your body, and what happens to it. 

People like us have a lot to cope with, a lot of frayed wires to mend and it takes a lot of work. But we can be okay again, we can be happy and in control and satisfied. And it's going to get better the more you work on having a voice and feeling safe with whoever you choose to be with. 

TugBoatMama
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:07 AM

I'm really sorry that happened to you :(

I've never had that happen to me so I can't really imagine, but have you ever tried seeing someone about the painful dreams/memories?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:07 AM
I'm 20 no the child is from a different man who abused my emotional state and the Man I let touch me isn't a boyfriend but we have been working up to this moment for about a year


Quoting Anonymous:

That's what I was wondering to. I hope the man was a loving boyfriend...




Quoting Anonymous:

So you're 16 and you had a daughter from the rape?


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 23, 2013 at 1:09 AM
Thank you I let this man touch me because he backs of when I tense. It's very hard to remind my self I have a voice when I'm touched its like my whole body shuts down and just focuses on the touch.. :/


Quoting liels898:

I've been in the exact same boat. The main thing I would tell you is to keep your voice. If it's going to fast or you're uncomfortable, speak up. It's incredibly frustrating feeling like you're never going to be normal but the best thing to combat that is to feel in control of yourself, your body, and what happens to it. 

People like us have a lot to cope with, a lot of frayed wires to mend and it takes a lot of work. But we can be okay again, we can be happy and in control and satisfied. And it's going to get better the more you work on having a voice and feeling safe with whoever you choose to be with. 


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