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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I am not doing so well :(

Posted by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:02 AM
  • 208 Replies
1 mom liked this

So this will be the first time I'll ever really post something really personal in this group. A lot of you know me beyond just being TrollCat and knew I was going to school and graduated in May. I was also blessed with getting a job in web development which was my goal and dream from the start when I started school. Some of you know I taught dance for over 20 years and recently retired not really by choice but because I have simply lost so much hearing I cannot do it anymore. It breaks my heart to give up my real life passion I have enjoyed the many years I did get to do it but I have to confess I really miss it, A LOT. 

On top of that now I am in another stage in my life, I have to deal with being deaf. Teaching my family sign language and the silence every day is starting to get to me. Since I started my job the first two weeks were ok, a lot of learning and getting set up but now its been well over a month and I am finding I'm really not happy and having a hard time with work. After some thoughts I tried to figure out why, with everything changing I have finally figured it out.

See when I taught dance, although I couldnt always hear what the kids or parents were saying, never in all the years Ive taught did I ever feel lonely or trapped in my silence. With routines going, teaching and guiding kids I think it kept me busy and distracted from being deaf/hard of hearing. I have to say I really enjoyed it so did the kids. Then I had to retire and went to school I did well there. The reason, I engaged with my interpreters daily, they were always there for me to chit chat during and between my classes. Helped me a lot with my transition again I didnt feel lonely. They also helped me engage with my peers and professors. I enjoyed school a ton for that reason but hated the homework. I looked forward seeing my interpreters every day. Now school is over I really miss my interpreters and professors. It's awful...

I go to work I sit there I do my work but I feel so lonely and uneasy. I come home all I do is clean and tend to kids, hubby is busy and obsessed with work, I even feel lonely at home. It's really starting to get to me, I really want to just quit and go back to dance which isnt even an option at this point. I am not used to this...  

All I know is I see people every day take advantage of the ability to hear and interact, know what is going on. Even tonight at my sister's hubby's birthday party everyone is talking, I havent got a clue what about. I am just there... On the side... I just sit there ya know. Its hard to keep up even if I do, i still dont understand what they are all talking about. Before it really didnt bother me, I had other places where I wasnt so lonely (Dance or school/interpreters) but now.... Its every day, Im really hating it, its really making me sad. Considering I was born with a severe hearing loss, I just cannot imagine those like me or worse (deaf) how they can deal with this silence every day... This is something Im simply not used ot, its not fun. Its hard...

Anyhow that's my story that's my place in life... I have told hubby tonight I think I need to go back to school this fall. Im just not ready for this, its too sudden and almost unexpected. I really need more time...

by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
thetrollcat
by Meow on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:02 AM

BUMP!

AllofFive19
by Ruby Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:05 AM

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Hugs.

Mrs-Somerhalder
by Blake on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:05 AM
:-(
There there kitty
I'm sorry
I don't know what else to say
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:05 AM
2 moms liked this

have you thought about starting a photography business?

thetrollcat
by Meow on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:06 AM

me too its worse when you really cannot do a lot about it ya know, not by choice :|

Quoting AllofFive19:

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Hugs.


~~~~~         =^..^=        ~~~~~
I'm not the cat lady type. I'm more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my own terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoes.  

It's wrong to be a bully with one exception. It's ok to bully those you THINK are a bully.

bustybee
by Buzz Lightyear on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:07 AM
1 mom liked this

that sucks. I couldn't imagine how daunting silence is. I'm sorry and hope your day gets better :)

allornone
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:07 AM

I am sorry.  Will any hearing aids or devices work? 


Kayla2013
by Silver Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:07 AM
I'm so sorry about you having to retire from dance. I have no words of wisdom to share except that I am sorry you are going through this. Does the hearing come and go or is it fading away for the rest of your life? Just curious. My aunt is hard of hearing but born that way. Hugs.
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FlyingHottie
by Silver Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:08 AM

Is threesome way to get in doing some volunteer work? To just get that communication? A support group? Take a local craft class? 

Or even look at beta sigma phi? It's the largest sorority and its friendship braised any woman can join. PM me if you want more info. Rushing starts in end of aug beginning of September. 

thetrollcat
by Meow on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:08 AM

I do love web design but I think I really miss the interaction social part of my life :(

Quoting Anonymous:

have you thought about starting a photography business?


~~~~~         =^..^=        ~~~~~
I'm not the cat lady type. I'm more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my own terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoes.  

It's wrong to be a bully with one exception. It's ok to bully those you THINK are a bully.

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