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adopting?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies
I'd rather adopt a child that's already potty trained because I am not a fan of the infant stage. Friends have voiced their opinion on it saying adopting an older child is harder because they may have mental issues from not being with their parents and adopting a baby would "save" them.

Wwydo?
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 23, 2013 at 11:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
elliem87
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 11:54 AM
1 mom liked this
I would adopt either. Whichever came first.
Suzy_Sunshine
by Gold Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 11:57 AM

Well, it does not sound like you're serious about adoption. 

If you were, I would suggest that you begin talking with a few agencies and learning more about how adoption works. 

Adopting an older child is not a terribly diffficult thing and there are plenty of resources available to help your family with the transition. Your child may come from a group living situation but more commonly the child did live with birth parents and that may have been a chaotic or abusive situation. institutional care is not common in the US or in many other nations but children raised in institutional care may need particular interventions. 


onethentwins
by Platinum Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:01 PM

Adopting a baby does not save them. For every healthy newborn available there are an estimated 40 adoptive couples waiting to adopt it and who are willing to pay tens of thousand of dollars for the privilege.

If you want to "save" a child you should look no further than the foster system where there are children who need a family, rather than the Infant Adoption Industry which caters to couples who want a baby.

Are you looking to adoption rather than pregnancy because you don't want an infant or for other reason?

AdoptingMommy
by Gold Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:05 PM
1 mom liked this
We dont usually agree , But this I agree! Taking adoption serious is the first step. Being a adoptive parent will come with struggles no matter how you do it, What age you get, potty trained or abuse issues.

Take a few classes, get educated!


Quoting onethentwins:

Adopting a baby does not save them. For every healthy newborn available there are an estimated 40 adoptive couples waiting to adopt it and who are willing to pay tens of thousand of dollars for the privilege.


If you want to "save" a child you should look no further than the foster system where there are children who need a family, rather than the Infant Adoption Industry which caters to couples who want a baby.


Are you looking to adoption rather than pregnancy because you don't want an infant or for other reason?


Jenn_A
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:11 PM

All mine were past the the infant stage....but they lived with their dad and grandparents, my daughter has no issues, and my son has very few!  There are many reasons kids become availible later, and most are healthy after a little adjusting. My husband and his brother were in DHS because their mother was killed and grandparents were too ill to take them. They had no issues. My best friend was abused, but she also has no issues, just very greatful to her adoptive parents! My own bio daughter has more issues than most kids I know that were adopted at an older age. No garuntees with kids, of any age or any back ground!!

SalemWitchChild
by Blessed be on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:13 PM

We briefly thought about adoption. I agreed with adopting an older child. I wasn't too keen on those late nights up with a baby either. But Dh didn't want to deal with an older child's attitude about being taken from their parents. Overall though he wasn't a huge supporter of adoption because he was afraid we'd adopt then get pregnant.

We didn't adopt, and did get pregnant. So its a good thing we didn't follow through on the idea.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:21 PM
You can adopt an older child through CPS or through private adoption. The problem with adopting through CPS is that most children do not come available for adoption. CPS follows a "family preservation" philosophy and most children are reunited with their parents.

Private adoption is another way to adopt an older child. In most of these cases, the child has lived with the birthparents until the adoption. If the birthparents were dysfunctional, there may be some issues, but they can be overcome. Consider reading The Weaver's Craft.
bleumonster
by Ruby Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 5:26 PM
I only wanted older children because I wasn't a fan of the night feedings/ potty training thing. I fostered and eventually adopted a sibling group of two, ages 4 and 8. My son, who was the youngest adjusted very well and is MY son. My daughter never really did. Part of it is her stubborness and loyalty to bmom. I would never take a child over the age of 5 again.
housewifehell
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 6:02 PM
If you prefer an older child then I say great! too many people only want babies there are so many children in this world who need love so if you can handle the other challenges that come with this situation then more power to ya!
jojo_star
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 6:04 PM

It's easier to adopt an older child, because there are more of them, and it's also cheaper to adopt through the state. There are literally thousands of unwanted older children in the foster care system that are ready to be adopted. Some are just foster kids, but thousands are free to adopt. Some, most, will have some issues, but you get support from the state, and many do very well. There are some who don't have as significant issues as others. Adopting a baby saves them? Saves them how? Babies get adopted easily anyway, and you would be saving an older child. 

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