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Biracial children and family members racist comment...

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I am white and my sons father is Puerto Rican.  We were together for ten years but I left him in April.  I am pretty postive he cheated on my and he is very controlling and abusive.  I had enough, but this is a man that I love dearly.  I did not leave him because I do not love him, I left because I was tired of all of the drama and it was hurting my children.  I have a 13 year old son and together we share a 5 year old son.  

I moved 5 hours away from my SO and now live near my brother.  I have been feeling really lonely and isolated.   

My father passed away one year ago yesterday and me and my brother got into an arguement because he took my 13 year old sons bike that my dad gave to him and put the handle bars onto his sons bike.  My son was not using the bike, but still.... my brother did not even ask me if he could do that and I wanted the bike in one peice.  There is nothing wrong with it, it just has two flat tires.  Anyway I was upset that he did this and on the anniversary of my dads passing just made it worse.  

I called my mom to vent and she in turn went and called my brother because he really upset me.  Yelling and cursing at me because I said how I felt.  So, he also yelled at my mom and somehow brought my sons father into it and called him a SPIC.  

I am upset he said this, one because I still love this man and two because my son is Puerto Rican also.  Is feeling offended an over reaction????  Should I say something or leave it alone and let it pass.  Basically I have been hiding in my house since yesterday.  What do I do or say???  Please help me, I am a mess.

by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 11:37 PM
Replies (41-50):
jj4ij
by Silver Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:55 AM

No, actually it isn't.  Puerto Rican is a Nationality, but they are hispanic and that is a race.

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes it is.

Quoting Anonymous:

Is Puerto Rican a race?


idee
by Silver Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:58 AM

 Tell him he used the wrong racial slur.... the correct one is PR. Don't ask me how it hurts a Puerto Rican, but it really bothered my husband as he grew up.

 Plus I heard rumors that Puerto Rican men are not good, but my husband is very nice.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:58 AM
Not according to my Puerto Rican friends.

But, it sounds like you could benefit from counseling. NOW. Youre letting people walk over you and control your feelings and that's not good.

Quoting jj4ij:

No, actually it isn't.  Puerto Rican is a Nationality, but they are hispanic and that is a race.

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes it is.



Quoting Anonymous:

Is Puerto Rican a race?


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:59 AM
I would be offended and tell him about it. My DS is half German my family loves him dearly but will sometimes say something stupid about him being mixed. I tell anyone how i feel if they say anything that I find offensive especially if it's about someone I love.
anon1986East
by Kali on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:03 AM

Judging by your brother's attitude it seems saying something to him may only make it worse, I'd only say something if I thought it would make him see how wrong he was for saying it. My cousin has a daughter with a Puerto Rican man, a man who was controlling and emotionally abusive, but like you my cousin still has feelings for him but just couldn't deal with the bullshit anymore.

Several times I have seen my aunt, my cousin's mom, post racist shit on Facebook and talk shit about her grandchild's father being a spic. My mom and I have both made comments back to her that no matter what she thinks her granddaughter is half Puerto Rican, and as bad of a boyfriend as he was to my cousin he's not a bad father and the only reason he wasn't helping out with that child was because my cousin likes to play games and she moved out of state then wouldn't tell her ex where they were. My aunt and cousin both deleted me from Facebook when I commented with "How is a man supposed to support his daughter when you won't tell him where she is?"

So unless you think saying something is going to help I'd just ignore it.

mommieof3_752
by Gold Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:03 AM

I have had a family member call my DH a spic.  I haven't talked to him in 8 yrs. We have 3 kids together and I felt like it was an insult to my kids as well.

jj4ij
by Silver Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:05 AM

That would be like me saying my race is Italian....  It is not, that is part of my nationality, my race is white.

Thank you for your advice.  I have been wanting to get into counciling, I lay in bed everynight planning to call the doctors office the next day, problem is I end up not doing it.  I have become extreemly lazy.   I thought I would feel better when I moved, more empowered.  I do NOT, I feel worse, lonely, sad, isolated, I have such strong feelings of jealousy over my ex.  Mind you I left him!  I feel like I am going crazy.  I end up hiding in my house all by myself.   I am ashamed of what is happening to me.  I am falling apart.  I will eventually make the call, maybe tomorrow.

Quoting Anonymous:

Not according to my Puerto Rican friends.

But, it sounds like you could benefit from counseling. NOW. Youre letting people walk over you and control your feelings and that's not good.

Quoting jj4ij:

No, actually it isn't.  Puerto Rican is a Nationality, but they are hispanic and that is a race.

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes it is.



Quoting Anonymous:

Is Puerto Rican a race?



TrouserMouse
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:07 AM
Wtf?

Quoting MrsKaufold1990:

Shrug and say



"Spics are mexican dumbass, so if you want to use racist slurs, make sure you are using them the right wat."



And leave it at that.
jj4ij
by Silver Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:08 AM

I thought that also.  That is why I am afraid to say something.  

For the record, I moved 5 hours away, but my sons father knows where I am at and I have already taken him down twice to see him.  We talk almost every day on the phone and he does NOT feel that I took his son.  He says he understands why I had to get away.  He never has said he feels that I "took" our son.

Quoting anon1986East:

Judging by your brother's attitude it seems saying something to him may only make it worse, I'd only say something if I thought it would make him see how wrong he was for saying it. My cousin has a daughter with a Puerto Rican man, a man who was controlling and emotionally abusive, but like you my cousin still has feelings for him but just couldn't deal with the bullshit anymore.

Several times I have seen my aunt, my cousin's mom, post racist shit on Facebook and talk shit about her grandchild's father being a spic. My mom and I have both made comments back to her that no matter what she thinks her granddaughter is half Puerto Rican, and as bad of a boyfriend as he was to my cousin he's not a bad father and the only reason he wasn't helping out with that child was because my cousin likes to play games and she moved out of state then wouldn't tell her ex where they were. My aunt and cousin both deleted me from Facebook when I commented with "How is a man supposed to support his daughter when you won't tell him where she is?"

So unless you think saying something is going to help I'd just ignore it.


jj4ij
by Silver Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:09 AM

I am so fragile right now, I cannot lose anyone else in my life.  That is what I am afraid of.

Quoting mommieof3_752:

I have had a family member call my DH a spic.  I haven't talked to him in 8 yrs. We have 3 kids together and I felt like it was an insult to my kids as well.


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