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Biracial children and family members racist comment...

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I am white and my sons father is Puerto Rican.  We were together for ten years but I left him in April.  I am pretty postive he cheated on my and he is very controlling and abusive.  I had enough, but this is a man that I love dearly.  I did not leave him because I do not love him, I left because I was tired of all of the drama and it was hurting my children.  I have a 13 year old son and together we share a 5 year old son.  

I moved 5 hours away from my SO and now live near my brother.  I have been feeling really lonely and isolated.   

My father passed away one year ago yesterday and me and my brother got into an arguement because he took my 13 year old sons bike that my dad gave to him and put the handle bars onto his sons bike.  My son was not using the bike, but still.... my brother did not even ask me if he could do that and I wanted the bike in one peice.  There is nothing wrong with it, it just has two flat tires.  Anyway I was upset that he did this and on the anniversary of my dads passing just made it worse.  

I called my mom to vent and she in turn went and called my brother because he really upset me.  Yelling and cursing at me because I said how I felt.  So, he also yelled at my mom and somehow brought my sons father into it and called him a SPIC.  

I am upset he said this, one because I still love this man and two because my son is Puerto Rican also.  Is feeling offended an over reaction????  Should I say something or leave it alone and let it pass.  Basically I have been hiding in my house since yesterday.  What do I do or say???  Please help me, I am a mess.

by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 11:37 PM
Replies (61-69):
notomatoes
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 6:06 PM

no problema..i am multi ethnic, and i have an older (half) sister who isnt..so, i know the frustration and the annoyance, there is bound to be a moms group that has at least one multi ethnic child in it, find it so you wont feel like you are the only one, ps..your brother is a bully and a jerk, find other kids that your child can play with..i occassionally get an odd look, i look like an asiantic dark blonde, while my daughter has my asiantic features but her hair is stawberry blonde!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Jun. 24, 2013 at 6:10 PM
I always say something. I come from a very ignorant family. My parents moved us around a lot and we all were exposed to culture amd such they weren't. It pissed me off when they make homosexual or racist jokes. My best friend is gay and my son is half Mexican. I have no issue reminding them of such and replying to their onorance posted on facebook with actual facts. Unfortunately, you came change other people but we CAN teach pur children better.
jj4ij
by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 1:11 AM

My mother asked me what ever happened to me, I used to be so assertive and now I am so passive.  I see the change and it is because my sons father broke me.  Now my brother who acts like my protector and savior is using that to treat me the same way.  My mother is in no way a racist, my father on the other hand was like Archie Bunker.....  well let me just say that I followed my mom and my brother my dad.  I have never heard my brother say anything of the sort against my SO though, so this comes as a shock.  I wonder if that is how he has felt all along and how he feels about my son.  I still have not talked to him since Saturday.  Still locked in my house and still trying to figure out how to handle it. 

Quoting Anonymous:

I always say something. I come from a very ignorant family. My parents moved us around a lot and we all were exposed to culture amd such they weren't. It pissed me off when they make homosexual or racist jokes. My best friend is gay and my son is half Mexican. I have no issue reminding them of such and replying to their onorance posted on facebook with actual facts. Unfortunately, you came change other people but we CAN teach pur children better.


BabiesAre2Sweet
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:22 PM
Good for you for getting out of that relationship since you saw all the negativity it was bringing. I am of a very mixed background and have also had to deal with family making racist comments and i know they were not joking. I simply told whoever made the comment that i really didnt appreciate what was said and how would they feel if someone said this to them and their child was of this background. Now some didnt care that what they said was rude, but a few understood and even apologized...also said they would be more careful of what they said.
I know you still love him and have a child together, but please dont let this ruin your good judgement. If the relationship wasnt good and he hasnt shown you he will change for the better than it is not worth it to even think of going back.
I personally was in what i called "a poison relationship". We were together for a couple years and i loved him so much. We started out our relationship really good but then it just got to a point where we werent so good but i stayed and always wanted to work things out. He always "knew" i would be there for him so its almost like he pretended to do better for our sake and then continued on with his foolishness. I was beyond hurt when i found out some things....but like you i got the strength and sense to get up and leave him. No one you love so much and give your all to should be so hurtful and cause you pain and tears. Sorry to rant here but i just wantes to let you know i get being in love with him but knowing you had to leave him.
Nickie76
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:25 PM
Just tell him Spic rhymes w/ Dick!!! 'Nough said...
notomatoes
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:37 PM

if you want to get science involved..the term hispanic can mean anyone living or desended from a person from a former spainsh colony. spainiards do not consider themselves hispanic..

Anonymous
by Anonymous 8 on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:40 PM

You have every right to feel offended.  Honestly though, from your discription of how you interact with him, I would leave it alone and have as little contact with him as possible.  he sounds toxic.

jj4ij
by Silver Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 12:20 AM

Thanks....  I appreciate the reply : )

Quoting BabiesAre2Sweet:

Good for you for getting out of that relationship since you saw all the negativity it was bringing. I am of a very mixed background and have also had to deal with family making racist comments and i know they were not joking. I simply told whoever made the comment that i really didnt appreciate what was said and how would they feel if someone said this to them and their child was of this background. Now some didnt care that what they said was rude, but a few understood and even apologized...also said they would be more careful of what they said.
I know you still love him and have a child together, but please dont let this ruin your good judgement. If the relationship wasnt good and he hasnt shown you he will change for the better than it is not worth it to even think of going back.
I personally was in what i called "a poison relationship". We were together for a couple years and i loved him so much. We started out our relationship really good but then it just got to a point where we werent so good but i stayed and always wanted to work things out. He always "knew" i would be there for him so its almost like he pretended to do better for our sake and then continued on with his foolishness. I was beyond hurt when i found out some things....but like you i got the strength and sense to get up and leave him. No one you love so much and give your all to should be so hurtful and cause you pain and tears. Sorry to rant here but i just wantes to let you know i get being in love with him but knowing you had to leave him.


BabiesAre2Sweet
by Bronze Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 8:12 AM
No problem. I hope you do whats best for you. Good luck.


Quoting jj4ij:

Thanks....  I appreciate the reply : )

Quoting BabiesAre2Sweet:

Good for you for getting out of that relationship since you saw all the negativity it was bringing. I am of a very mixed background and have also had to deal with family making racist comments and i know they were not joking. I simply told whoever made the comment that i really didnt appreciate what was said and how would they feel if someone said this to them and their child was of this background. Now some didnt care that what they said was rude, but a few understood and even apologized...also said they would be more careful of what they said.

I know you still love him and have a child together, but please dont let this ruin your good judgement. If the relationship wasnt good and he hasnt shown you he will change for the better than it is not worth it to even think of going back.

I personally was in what i called "a poison relationship". We were together for a couple years and i loved him so much. We started out our relationship really good but then it just got to a point where we werent so good but i stayed and always wanted to work things out. He always "knew" i would be there for him so its almost like he pretended to do better for our sake and then continued on with his foolishness. I was beyond hurt when i found out some things....but like you i got the strength and sense to get up and leave him. No one you love so much and give your all to should be so hurtful and cause you pain and tears. Sorry to rant here but i just wantes to let you know i get being in love with him but knowing you had to leave him.



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