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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Im secretly jealous **updated**

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 13 Replies

My SOs sister had a baby and everyone is so happy

I have been secretly jealous the whole time

I had a chemical pregnancy 2 months ago and I was not as devastated as I should have been, it ultimately ended up in me being on birth control because I just realized it was not the right time in my life and Fate has its way of working.  So I took it as a sign.  But deep down, Im pretty emotionless, but deep down I wanted to be able to have another baby.  I know for my life and goals right now another baby isn't okay, but then again a baby wasn't okay the first time I got pregnant and had my baby, who is now 3, but I made it work and his dad made it work.

Hmm

Im trying to seem happy but ultimately I kind of got pissy and was like Goodnight, he told me to call him when I wake up tomorrow and I was just like, NO

he was confused and I just ignored it.

I know its kind of crappy to take it out on him, when I had the chemical pregnancy he was right there with me every step of the way, so it's not like punishment or anything, I just am jealous I can't bring myself to logically consider a baby although emotionally I want one so bad.  

If I wait to when I feel it would be logical it will be when my son is 7 or 8.

If I had another now they'd be 4 years apart.

idk

I can't believe Im even crying about this.


I just told my SO why I don't want to talk to him right now.  That I think it's best to put space because I don't want to tarnish this rare occassion in life and I told him why Im upset.  So I hope this doesn't ruin or taint our relationship but Im like outloud crying everytime I slow down my mind to think and I didn't even cry when I miscarried, I rarely cry and If I do it's like a single shed tear, not this blubbering.

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:34 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:36 AM

I am sorry your feeling so crappy.... it happens. I hope you are able to have another soon.

3tobe13
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:39 AM

hugs

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:41 AM

Thank You

I don't even know if I should tell Im, I feel so childish, like someone got a chocolate milk and I got stuck with regular lol But It's embarrassing to admit to anyone.

Quoting Anonymous:

I am sorry your feeling so crappy.... it happens. I hope you are able to have another soon.


Kaybean
by Ruby Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:42 AM
I'm sorry. It sounds like you thought you weren't very sad about it but your true emotions have come out. You might have just felt a bit numb at the time but now you're realizing you really are upset. I had a chemical in April myself and I've had 2 mc before that as well but that one hit me the hardest because we were actually TTC that time. Just remember, you can still have another when the time is right. Sorry for your loss.
Jessica518
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:44 AM
Im sorry and I hope you have the baby you want :)
D.O.E.
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:45 AM

whats a chemical pregnancy?

justpeachy71904
by peachy on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:47 AM
I'm sorry :(
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:53 AM

basically a VERY early miscarriage.  Most women who get them don't notice because it's so early it just seems like a 2 weeks late, due to stress, late period.  But I noticed because my period was like clockwork and I found out at 4.5 weeks.  Went in 2 weeks later for spotting, no more baby.

Quoting D.O.E.:

whats a chemical pregnancy?


tiniowien
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:57 AM

group hug

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 26, 2013 at 2:03 AM

I think you are right.

Quoting Kaybean:

I'm sorry. It sounds like you thought you weren't very sad about it but your true emotions have come out. You might have just felt a bit numb at the time but now you're realizing you really are upset. I had a chemical in April myself and I've had 2 mc before that as well but that one hit me the hardest because we were actually TTC that time. Just remember, you can still have another when the time is right. Sorry for your loss.


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