My SOs sister had a baby and everyone is so happy
I have been secretly jealous the whole time
I had a chemical pregnancy 2 months ago and I was not as devastated as I should have been, it ultimately ended up in me being on birth control because I just realized it was not the right time in my life and Fate has its way of working. So I took it as a sign. But deep down, Im pretty emotionless, but deep down I wanted to be able to have another baby. I know for my life and goals right now another baby isn't okay, but then again a baby wasn't okay the first time I got pregnant and had my baby, who is now 3, but I made it work and his dad made it work.
Im trying to seem happy but ultimately I kind of got pissy and was like Goodnight, he told me to call him when I wake up tomorrow and I was just like, NO
he was confused and I just ignored it.
I know its kind of crappy to take it out on him, when I had the chemical pregnancy he was right there with me every step of the way, so it's not like punishment or anything, I just am jealous I can't bring myself to logically consider a baby although emotionally I want one so bad.
If I wait to when I feel it would be logical it will be when my son is 7 or 8.
If I had another now they'd be 4 years apart.
I can't believe Im even crying about this.
I just told my SO why I don't want to talk to him right now. That I think it's best to put space because I don't want to tarnish this rare occassion in life and I told him why Im upset. So I hope this doesn't ruin or taint our relationship but Im like outloud crying everytime I slow down my mind to think and I didn't even cry when I miscarried, I rarely cry and If I do it's like a single shed tear, not this blubbering.