He is a good man, a loyal man, and a man with solid morals. I do believe he loved me when we started dating but once I became pregnant he started becoming very critical of me. Almost like my "flaws" would reflect on him. I suddenly felt like he wanted me to be someone I'm not. I have told him that I feel this way and he denies that it is true.
He has an issue with me gaining weight over the years. I never lost weight after my second child. I am an attractive woman. Men still look at me and compliment me, other than my husband. He does not.
I am not sure when the last time was that we had sex. It was maybe 3 or 4 months ago, maybe more. It's been this way since the birth of our second child four years ago.
I've told him over and over how lonely I am and that my needs are not being met. He always says it is because we have young kids and hectic lives. He says he loves me but he doesn't show it physically at all. No affection.
I am so starved for affection and attention. I am ashamed to admit how bad it's gotten.
When I go out with friends I will stop afterward at a local bar alone. Men talk to me, buy me drinks, flirt with me and it feels good. I feel so invisible at home. Like I am one more thing he has to handle. One more problem he is obligated to deal with before he can drink beer and watch TV.
I feel like my marriage is going to end if I can't get through to him and I don't know what more I can do.
Tonight when he was going to bed I told him I was desperate for his attention. He just gave me a laundry list of his responsibilities and kissed me rather abruptly and went upstairs.
So I cried a bit and then I wrote this confession.
I am so so sad. He is a good man and a great father and I think he would stay with me just because it's what he should do but I don't think I can live this way much longer. I am afraid of what I will do to make myself feel better. I am afraid of the effect this will have on our children. I don't want to destroy my family and the life we have built together.
I'm so lost.