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I am SO sad and lost

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 40 Replies
My husband and I have been married for 5 years next month. We have a seven year old and a four year old. He proposed when I was 7months pregnant with our first.
He is a good man, a loyal man, and a man with solid morals. I do believe he loved me when we started dating but once I became pregnant he started becoming very critical of me. Almost like my "flaws" would reflect on him. I suddenly felt like he wanted me to be someone I'm not. I have told him that I feel this way and he denies that it is true.
He has an issue with me gaining weight over the years. I never lost weight after my second child. I am an attractive woman. Men still look at me and compliment me, other than my husband. He does not.
I am not sure when the last time was that we had sex. It was maybe 3 or 4 months ago, maybe more. It's been this way since the birth of our second child four years ago.
I've told him over and over how lonely I am and that my needs are not being met. He always says it is because we have young kids and hectic lives. He says he loves me but he doesn't show it physically at all. No affection.
I am so starved for affection and attention. I am ashamed to admit how bad it's gotten.
When I go out with friends I will stop afterward at a local bar alone. Men talk to me, buy me drinks, flirt with me and it feels good. I feel so invisible at home. Like I am one more thing he has to handle. One more problem he is obligated to deal with before he can drink beer and watch TV.
I feel like my marriage is going to end if I can't get through to him and I don't know what more I can do.
Tonight when he was going to bed I told him I was desperate for his attention. He just gave me a laundry list of his responsibilities and kissed me rather abruptly and went upstairs.
So I cried a bit and then I wrote this confession.
I am so so sad. He is a good man and a great father and I think he would stay with me just because it's what he should do but I don't think I can live this way much longer. I am afraid of what I will do to make myself feel better. I am afraid of the effect this will have on our children. I don't want to destroy my family and the life we have built together.
I'm so lost.
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
sammieb1987
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:39 AM
1 mom liked this
Im sorry mama =/ maybe try counseling?
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:42 AM
I've asked him about that. He talks about the money it would cost and how he doesn't think it would help.


Quoting sammieb1987:

Im sorry mama =/ maybe try counseling?

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:45 AM
1 mom liked this

If you try to initiate affection...if you kiss on him or try to initiate sex...does he reject you or does he respond? Or are you always waiting for him to do those things?

We went through a period like that several years ago...and I felt like asking him to pay attention to me was just one more "chore" on his list.  It is a horrible feeling.  We would talk about it and then things would be the same.  It wasnt until he got a different job that suddenly things turned around.  It turned out that he was so worried and miserable about his job that he wasnt thinking about much else.  He apologized many times and we got past it.  For a while I had to be the one to initiate things until he started getting back into the habit.

I am not at all saying one partner treating the other poorly is excusable.  It isnt. I just wanted to let you know that I might understand how you feel and how lonely and frustrating it is.  

x.Aim.x
by Amy on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:46 AM
1 mom liked this

You should either sit down and talk to him, get counseling or leave. That isn't a healthy place for any of you to live in. How old are you and your husband?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:49 AM
Thank you. It does help to know that other people have had issues like mine. When I used to initiate he would respond but not so much anymore. I stopped trying out of fear of rejection.


Quoting Anonymous:

If you try to initiate affection...if you kiss on him or try to initiate sex...does he reject you or does he respond? Or are you always waiting for him to do those things?

We went through a period like that several years ago...and I felt like asking him to pay attention to me was just one more "chore" on his list.  It is a horrible feeling.  We would talk about it and then things would be the same.  It wasnt until he got a different job that suddenly things turned around.  It turned out that he was so worried and miserable about his job that he wasnt thinking about much else.  He apologized many times and we got past it.  For a while I had to be the one to initiate things until he started getting back into the habit.

I am not at all saying one partner treating the other poorly is excusable.  It isnt. I just wanted to let you know that I might understand how you feel and how lonely and frustrating it is.  


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:52 AM
I am 38. He is 42.
I don't want to leave because I so badly wanted my children to have a solid happy childhood. We get along. It's not like we fight. I don't think the kids or anyone else for that matter would ever guess that we have a problem.


Quoting x.Aim.x:

You should either sit down and talk to him, get counseling or leave. That isn't a healthy place for any of you to live in. How old are you and your husband?


sammieb1987
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:54 AM
Well then I would lay it all out for him. You cant live your life unhappy for comfort and stability. I stayed with my dd's dad for a long time just because it was easy and all I knew,but I also knew that neither of us were happy. So I left. Was it easy? Hell no but now im happy, finally. If you have tried and hes just not getting it and he wont even try then it might be time to talk about seperating for a while. Just my opinion dont go leaving your hubby vause of what I say.
x.Aim.x
by Amy on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:54 AM

My parents are divorced. I only wish they divorced sooner. It's better to have children come from a broken home than to live in one. 

Quoting Anonymous:

I am 38. He is 42.
I don't want to leave because I so badly wanted my children to have a solid happy childhood. We get along. It's not like we fight. I don't think the kids or anyone else for that matter would ever guess that we have a problem.


Quoting x.Aim.x:

You should either sit down and talk to him, get counseling or leave. That isn't a healthy place for any of you to live in. How old are you and your husband?



Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:55 AM
No. Sorry. I'm in the North East. Do I sound like someone you know?


Quoting Anonymous:

I know this might be a long shot but do you live in Illinois by any chance?

Quoting Anonymous:

I am 38. He is 42.

I don't want to leave because I so badly wanted my children to have a solid happy childhood. We get along. It's not like we fight. I don't think the kids or anyone else for that matter would ever guess that we have a problem.





Quoting x.Aim.x:

You should either sit down and talk to him, get counseling or leave. That isn't a healthy place for any of you to live in. How old are you and your husband?





Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 26, 2013 at 1:57 AM

Yes. Your story sounds like my friends. Strange.

Quoting Anonymous:

No. Sorry. I'm in the North East. Do I sound like someone you know?


Quoting Anonymous:

I know this might be a long shot but do you live in Illinois by any chance?

Quoting Anonymous:

I am 38. He is 42.

I don't want to leave because I so badly wanted my children to have a solid happy childhood. We get along. It's not like we fight. I don't think the kids or anyone else for that matter would ever guess that we have a problem.





Quoting x.Aim.x:

You should either sit down and talk to him, get counseling or leave. That isn't a healthy place for any of you to live in. How old are you and your husband?






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