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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My confession *trigger* long

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 4:39 AM
  • 27 Replies
I'm 29 yrs old and I'm laying in bed unable to sleep because of a dream, er rather a nightmare.
From age 5-11 I was molested by a great uncle (my grandfathers bil) and although he's long dead I still have the dreams of what he did come back every few years. I can literally still taste the beer and cigarettes on his breath and feel his slimy disgusting tongue as it stabbed into my mouth. I can still feel his callused hands on me and it still turns my stomach to this day.
It's just doesn't matter how much time passes, or counseling I've had, the memories never fade. They are as vivid today 24 years later as they were the days it happened. Although I'm no longer held by the bondage of fear as I used to be I can't help but still get angry.
Angry at my parents for continually leaving me with a man they knew was a pedophile, angry with the extended family that neatly swept it under the rug never to be mentioned again, angry at the sick bastard who preyed on my innocence and stole my will to live to the point that I was suicidal by age 13. It's the one thing I can't let go of.. I've let go and forgiven so much but the anger remains a constant in my life. I'm terrified of it somehow infecting my children and them growing up with this awful cancer gnawing at their soul. As much as I hate it though it kept me going for so long. It pushed me to survive just to prove it to him that his actions didn't have any control over my life. But here I am decades later realizing that in trying to prove he didn't control me I did exactly the opposite and allowed the anger he put in me to decide the majority of my life.
There's no real point to this other than it late and I'm thinking outloud so to speak to get it off my chest.
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 4:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jun. 26, 2013 at 4:47 AM

Don't worry. You're not alone.

Cbreland07
by Ruby Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 4:50 AM
It's an awful group to be a part of simple because I hate knowing that other kids have suffered this and much worse :(


Quoting Anonymous:

Don't worry. You're not alone.


spunknsass
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 4:51 AM

I'm so sorry :( I wish there was something I could say, or do to make it better for not just you but everyone this has happened to. Hang in there you are amazing :)

notjstanothrmom
by Ruby Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 4:53 AM
I'm so sorry. :(
Cbreland07
by Ruby Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 4:54 AM
Thank you


Quoting spunknsass:

I'm so sorry :( I wish there was something I could say, or do to make it better for not just you but everyone this has happened to. Hang in there you are amazing :)


sugarcrisp
by Ruby Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 4:55 AM



Quoting Anonymous:

Don't worry. You're not alone.



bahamamama61
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 4:57 AM
I'm so sorry you have those painful memories, please be strong, for your children, and yourself:) *Hugs*
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
SequesteredLeo
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:05 AM

Sorry for what you had to go through. I tried to tell my parents several times that one of my step-brothers friends would force me to have sex with him (he lived with us and he was much older) while they were gone, but they never believed me. They chose to believe him because then they would have to actually stay home sometimes and be parents. It happened from the time I was 13 until I was 16.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:10 AM
As a survivor myself, I know what you're feeling. Have you tried emdr? It's helping me tremondously.
Cbreland07
by Ruby Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 5:10 AM
I'm so sorry! I couldn't imagine not believing my child over something like that! We're you ever able to press charges against him?


Quoting SequesteredLeo:

Sorry for what you had to go through. I tried to tell my parents several times that one of my step-brothers friends would force me to have sex with him (he lived with us and he was much older) while they were gone, but they never believed me. They chose to believe him because then they would have to actually stay home sometimes and be parents. It happened from the time I was 13 until I was 16.


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