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Question for moms of multiple children

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 34 Replies

If you have 3-5+ kids, do you ever consider the feelings of the oldest children when you decide to become pregnant again?  Do the older kids welcome a new sibling or are they over it?    This is being asked out of total curiousity and not meant to be mean or snide.    The reason I ask is the an acquaintence is pregnant with #6.  Her oldest is only 12.    Her oldest 2, a boy and a girl, 12 & 10, are great big with the little ones, but during their time playing, they spend alot of time helping the 2 little ones who are only 1 and 2.5.  Now that mom has announced baby #6 is on the way, I can't help but wonder if the oldest are dreading it a bit because it will mean more work for them.  

 

 

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
JackieGirl007
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:34 PM
1 mom liked this

 We have 5 children. When we decided to have our 5th child we did not take our other childrens feelings into consideration. Our older children were all so excited and happy to help if need be.

2pink1blue
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:35 PM
1 mom liked this

I had three in 5 years and my oldest has been begging for another brother for at least 4 years.  I personally think they enjoy the new babies more when they are a bit older.  At 10, she doesn't remember life without her brother and barely remembers her sisters birth (she was 5).  I don't think she would look at a sibling as more "work" for her but then again, I don't have my older two caring for the little sister.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:36 PM

This is almost like the post I did earlier of a facebook "friend" who has 5 and wants to keep having children, but needs a nanny to take care of her other ones while she takes care of the baby. SMH

http://www.cafemom.com/group/115189/forums/read/18705236/_I_have_5_kids_and_need_a_live_in_Nanny_so_I_can_have_more

Superlaura328
by Platinum Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:39 PM

I have three kids and my oldest is 11 (the other two are 7 and 5). I think we are in good shape because they are still close enough in age to get along, and the young ones aren't so young that they are bothering him to do things for them all the time, lol. At this point, I wouldn't have another child... I think that's too large a gap.   

Pink.Sunshine.
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:40 PM

no not really

kailalaila
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:43 PM
My oldest is 15 and he welcomed the other ones with open arms. He enjoys interacting with them. I want my kids to be kids. I have never told my 15 yr old to babysit or do anything for them.
FarmWife
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:44 PM
The reason we have 4 children is so that our kids will have a support system when we are no longer here. My uncle's mother died a few years back & he and his sister have had a really hard time keeping their family together. I don't see that being the same kind of problem in a larger family. My dad is the middle of 3, my mom is the middle of 5, I'm the oldest of 3, DH is the middle of 4, FIL is the oldest of 8- all the families are close. Cousins see each other, aunts & uncles are part of our daily lives. My MIL is the oldest of 2 (there were 3 but the youngest died as a child) and there is no relationship between her & her brother or their families. I want my kids to have a large support structure. It may be harder when they're little, but in the end I think it's for the best for them. (This is all just my opinion & experience. To each his/her own.)

luvhubandbabys
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:44 PM

Is 3 considered a lot?? News to me. My oldest is 4 so I didnt really ask her. I doubt she would have understood. She loves her baby brother and her little sister very much. She tells everyone this.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:44 PM
1 mom liked this

I did consider the feelings of my older ones beacuse I had told them I only ever wanted 2 kids and that's what I had and I was just going to be Grandma to my kids, kids. But that was when I was married to their dad. I never knew the hurt I would experience with them having kids being in a relationship etc and me all alone.

So, when I married my dh we decided to ahve a baby. She's 11 now. They are not happy about it at all and I think they are pretty jealous of her.

My kids were 24 and 22 then .

I had to be happy for me though and I am more so than I think I was ever with them. I have a great dh who is really into his kids andf my X was not into our kids I raised them by myself pretty much.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:47 PM

I'm pregnant with number 3, my kids will be 5 and 7 (almost 8) years apart. We talked about it a lot while DH and I were TTC, and my kids were THRILLED and EXCITED with the prospect of a younger sibling.

And yes, I love the idea of this age gap because the older two will be able to help out and be involved. It's going to be a completely different experience than with the smaller age gap of the older two. I really don't see an issue with it, it's not like I expect my older children to parent the younger one, just to occasionally hold the baby while I have a shower or finish up making dinner. Less stress = a happier family experience. Older kids LOVE feeling like big helpers. It validates them when mommy can tell them how awesome they are and how appreciative she is of their help.

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