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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Do I hold part of the blame for his infidelity?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 164 Replies

I was told recently on a CM post that I should examine myself and ask what I did wrong to MAKE him stray.

I MADE him stray? Is there really a causal link between our imperfections as a spouse and infidelity?

My husband is far from a perfect husband, but I've never felt inclined to cheat on him BECAUSE of it. I have been far from a perfect wife but the suggestion is that because of this I somehow hold part of the blame for his betrayal?

I chose to stay with my husband and try to make our marriage work. So of course I had to examine myself and my mistakes as a wife, but not to explain his betrayal but rather to explain why our marriage was failing and to make an attempt to start over without making the same mistakes.

What do you think?

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 26, 2013 at 11:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 26, 2013 at 11:07 PM

BUMP!

gumbeme06
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 11:08 PM
14 moms liked this
My opinion.... Never. Infidelity is never justified. It's a selfish act and would be grounds for divorce (in my marriage) I know plenty of people work through it and that's great but I personally would never be able to forgive him 100% and it would just cause more problems down the line.
danie24
by Ruby Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 11:14 PM
10 moms liked this
Well, there are reasons people do what they do.

They're unhappy, stressed out, depressed, not getting the affection or attention they need or deserve, no longer in love, no intimacy, etc.

Does that make it "OK"? No.
Not at all.

But people don't stray if they're happy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 26, 2013 at 11:15 PM
1 mom liked this
I would have to agree.

Quoting gumbeme06:

My opinion.... Never. Infidelity is never justified. It's a selfish act and would be grounds for divorce (in my marriage) I know plenty of people work through it and that's great but I personally would never be able to forgive him 100% and it would just cause more problems down the line.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 26, 2013 at 11:15 PM
8 moms liked this

I would see those as reasons to leave. Not to cheat.


Quoting danie24:

Well, there are reasons people do what they do.

They're unhappy, stressed out, depressed, not getting the affection or attention they need or deserve, no longer in love, no intimacy, etc.

Does that make it "OK"? No.
Not at all.

But people don't stray if they're happy.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 26, 2013 at 11:17 PM
10 moms liked this

What a stupid thing for someone to say. I don't care how unhappy someone is. Have some balls and either fix your relationship, or end it. Don't take the pussy way out and cheat.

anotherhalf
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 11:18 PM
15 moms liked this
I think the cheating is a sign of a weak character. You may have had something to do with the state of the marriage, but the infidelity is all on him.
Momto8kidsyay
by Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 11:20 PM
5 moms liked this
Dr. Harley of Marriage Builders, an expert on infidelity, says there are always reasons for infidelity but never excuses. In other words, the one who strayed can probably point out reasons why it happened, sometimes related to emotional needs not being met in the marriage, but it is still 100% their fault. Many people live in marriages with those same problems and don't stray, so it's a choice. You can cheat proof most marriages by following his steps.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 26, 2013 at 11:21 PM

Well....what did you do?

wildbruin
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 11:21 PM
1 mom liked this
Agree. Infidelity is a sign of his weakness. I commend you for working on your marriage and owning your part. He needs to do the same.


Quoting anotherhalf:

I think the cheating is a sign of a weak character. You may have had something to do with the state of the marriage, but the infidelity is all on him.

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