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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Do you think I was raped?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 66 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Was I raped or molested?

Options:

Yes, you were raped

Yes, you were molested but not raped

No, you were neither raped nor molested


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 89

View Results


Here is my story.

I don't think I was necessarily raped, when compared with the situations of so many others, but I definitely feel that my feelings were disrespected and that I was mistreated.


I met a man who I got along with well and was very attracted to. At the time I was going through a difficult part of my life. I was single and childless at the time so being a mother wasn't a factor then.

I was very lonely and dealing with some traumatic events and I had nightmares every night.

I invited this man to spend the night at my house ON THE CONDITION that we did not have sex. From the first moment I brought up the idea I included that we could not have sex. I told him I wasn't joking. I was interested in him but I wasn't ready to be physically intimate with him. He nodded, made eye contact, said he totally understood my feelings and would respect them.

I triple checked that he really REALLY understood that I wasn't ready to have sex. If he felt that he couldn't handle being in bed with me then he could sleep on the couch, but I liked the idea of having a man in the house so I felt safe. (my nightmares usually involved a break in)

When we got there we lay in bed talking for about an hour and then he kissed me. I kissed him back. Then he got on top of me and I pushed him off but didn't succeed and told him not to get on top of me because he already knew I didn't want to have sex.

He continued kissing me and pulled my underwear aside and fingered me and it was really nice so after a second I said PLEASE STOP I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THIS RIGHT NOW. 

I told him if I got to know him more we could have sex.

He laughed and tried to shove his penis in but I didn't let him. He kept shoving it against my vulva and after a few minutes of me asking him to stop it felt good so I allowed it for a minute and then he came on me and finally stopped.


It was confusing because yes, I did want to have sex with him EVENTUALLY but being a bit innocent at the time I really just wanted someone in my house to make me feel safe and not alone.

I wanted to have sex with him. That is true. But I didn't want to right then and I think that constitutes an abusive situation.

Whether it was rape or not he should be held accountable for that action.

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Angelanscalf89
by Platinum Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:34 AM
No means no.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MumsTheWord571
by Platinum Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:37 AM
2 moms liked this
This. Coercion is still another factor of rape.


Quoting Angelanscalf89:

No means no.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:40 AM

 No means no. Period.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:41 AM


Yeah, that's what I thought too.

I couldn't really help that what he did felt nice, and it didn't mean I didn't want him to stop. 
I felt like just because I liked moments of it then that made me ok with it.

Putting his penis in contact with my crotch could still have transmitted diseases and I wanted to be careful. 

Quoting MumsTheWord571:

This. Coercion is still another factor of rape.


Quoting Angelanscalf89:

No means no.


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:44 AM



Quoting Anonymous:

 No means no. Period.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:45 AM


I found out after this that he had had had sex with a 14 year old girl when he was 22. 

I was still in contact with him at the time so I asked him about it and he said she "begged him" to do it.

Referring back to this situation made me realize what a scary predator he might actually be so I cut all ties with him but I still was never sure if I could really call what he did "rape"

neva_eva_always
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:46 AM
You said no and he didn't listen and forced himself on you.
Angelanscalf89
by Platinum Member on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:49 AM
The very first time I had sex I had been hanging out walking around outside and I ran into a "friend" and his friend. His friend came to my house to hang out because he (my friend) had to go home. I told the guy I was a virgin and didnt want to have sex but somehow (I honestly dont remember how) he got my pants off I told him no I pushed and pushed on him I wasnt strong enough I stopped fighting him and he penetrated me I remember feeling so dirty and I layed on my bed in pain bleeding and crying while he got dressed and left. I blamed myself I had known the giuy since elementary school I was 14. Most times I dont tell people he raped me I act like im alright but truth is it messed mde up pretty bad and that was only the first time I was raped. Rape is rape even if you invite someone over because no means no no matter what I was made to feel like it was my fault thats why I dont generally talk about it.

Quoting Anonymous:


Yeah, that's what I thought too.

I couldn't really help that what he did felt nice, and it didn't mean I didn't want him to stop. 
I felt like just because I liked moments of it then that made me ok with it.

Putting his penis in contact with my crotch could still have transmitted diseases and I wanted to be careful. 

Quoting MumsTheWord571:

This. Coercion is still another factor of rape.





Quoting Angelanscalf89:

No means no.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AdVitam
by on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:51 AM
6 moms liked this
Why were you even in just your underwear around someone who you told you did not want sex?
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 27, 2013 at 5:54 AM
1 mom liked this
I just can't see this as rape. You could have easily removed yourself from the situation and chose not to. You were not helpless. Most men believe that a first no means, try the neck, spend some time at the nipples and check back in 10 mins. If you didn't want sex, you could have just gotten up. Why didn't you?
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