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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Should we, as parents, attempt to stop our kids from having sex?

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

 

Poll

Question: In my situation, would you do everything you could to stop him from having sex?

Options:

Yes, I don't care what it takes, the boy is NOT having sex

I would tell him I would rather he wait but push safe sex if he doesn't

My only concern would be that he is safe


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 83

View Results

I am a single mom of my 3 kids (my ex left for another woman 3 years ago and hasn't even contacted our kids after the divorce, the child support is the only contact we have with him and that is through child support enforcement), my oldest is a 16 year old boy. Yesterday I read text messages on his phone (he left his phone at home and I was going through it to get his friend's new number so I could call his friend who he was with). They were very sexual in nature between him and his girlfriend and from the text messages I found that they are planning on having sex. They are both about to be juniors in high school and they have been dating since freshman year. 

I don't know what to do. I have talked with him about waiting and if he doesn't,  he has to wear a condom every time and make sure she is on the pill. Part of me wants to lock him in his room till he turns 25 but the more realistic part of me just wants to make sure he is being safe about it. The fact is, if they are hell bent on having sex, there isn't much I can do to stop it. I work and I can't be home 24/7.

Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 28, 2013 at 10:36 AM
Replies (41-46):
celticwych
by Bronze Member on Jun. 30, 2013 at 1:48 PM
2 moms liked this

 My attitude on this subject is not a popular one.  I am def. not stupid.  I know kids have sex, I did before I was married.  I also did alot of other stupid things that impacted my life my whole entire life.  So, experience has led me to have the attitude I have. 

Once upon a time kids were married, having babies at 15-16 years old and had a life expectancy of 30.  Its 2013 times have changed.  So many kids are given to much freedom and to many choices that regardless of how you want to justify it......they are NOT ready for.  Parents are popping out kids and basically pushing them into a world they are not ready for because its convient for the parent.

Once there 18 we really have no control left.  Up until then.....my house my rules, your my responsibility until that day.  I consider myself pretty open minded PARENT.  I let my kids have room to explore age and maturity appropriate life.  This does not include sexual relationships. Mistakes happen in "the best of homes".   I got preg. with my oldest not in highschool but right after and I was no way shape or form prepared.  Childhood/teenage years are a time of learning, but for the most part in the end "mistakes" are choices we make.  One thing instilled in my girls from the beginning is your responsible for every choice you make.  No excuses, period.

If I dont feel your mature enough to make good choices, you will not be given the opportunity.  Call me a bitch but parents who say "I have to work and I cant be with them 24/7 is NOT an excuse its a choice.  Your responsibility is first and foremost to your children and how they are raised.  Ask my oldest, she went threw a phase at 16 that she had a babysitter. She was choosing to make choices that were not good choices for herself or for the rest of the family. I would support my child and grandchild if need be but I will do what I have to do to ensure that does not happen.  Because....its my responsiblity.  Yup "I ruined her life" at the time, teenagers think in days and not the long term picture lol. At 28 she thanks me now for not letting her REALLY ruin her life. 

 You can be the "cool mom", you can have a great relationship with your kids, you can give them space, leway and let them make choices.  But, in the end even as teenagers they still are not ready to take care of babies emotionally or financially. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 30, 2013 at 5:30 PM
1 mom liked this

As a parent my job is make sure education is number one until they have graduated high school and then encourage college. If he is wanting to have sex then he is too bored. I would make sure his time slots are all filled up with things that keep him interested and busy. I'm not saying he shouldn't have a social life but at 16 his social life should not include sex. I would talk about safe sex, the right time for sex, what kind of relationship should involve having sex and ALL the responsibilities that come along with it. I personally would push that having sex is for responsible adults not kids in high school. You can't control every choice they make but help guide them toward the right choices. More times than not when kids are having sex they are bored or not supervised enough. At this age I would also encourage more family time and less girlfriend time. JMO good luck!

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 30, 2013 at 5:35 PM

I also had a "babysitter" at 16. It was the best thing my mom did for me. Little did she know she was protecting me from a an older boyfriend (20) who was telling me he wanted me to have his baby. Yikes! She saw I was making mistakes that could dramatically change my life and she stepped in. Great parenting!

Quoting celticwych:

 My attitude on this subject is not a popular one.  I am def. not stupid.  I know kids have sex, I did before I was married.  I also did alot of other stupid things that impacted my life my whole entire life.  So, experience has led me to have the attitude I have. 

Once upon a time kids were married, having babies at 15-16 years old and had a life expectancy of 30.  Its 2013 times have changed.  So many kids are given to much freedom and to many choices that regardless of how you want to justify it......they are NOT ready for.  Parents are popping out kids and basically pushing them into a world they are not ready for because its convient for the parent.

Once there 18 we really have no control left.  Up until then.....my house my rules, your my responsibility until that day.  I consider myself pretty open minded PARENT.  I let my kids have room to explore age and maturity appropriate life.  This does not include sexual relationships. Mistakes happen in "the best of homes".   I got preg. with my oldest not in highschool but right after and I was no way shape or form prepared.  Childhood/teenage years are a time of learning, but for the most part in the end "mistakes" are choices we make.  One thing instilled in my girls from the beginning is your responsible for every choice you make.  No excuses, period.

If I dont feel your mature enough to make good choices, you will not be given the opportunity.  Call me a bitch but parents who say "I have to work and I cant be with them 24/7 is NOT an excuse its a choice.  Your responsibility is first and foremost to your children and how they are raised.  Ask my oldest, she went threw a phase at 16 that she had a babysitter. She was choosing to make choices that were not good choices for herself or for the rest of the family. I would support my child and grandchild if need be but I will do what I have to do to ensure that does not happen.  Because....its my responsiblity.  Yup "I ruined her life" at the time, teenagers think in days and not the long term picture lol. At 28 she thanks me now for not letting her REALLY ruin her life. 

 You can be the "cool mom", you can have a great relationship with your kids, you can give them space, leway and let them make choices.  But, in the end even as teenagers they still are not ready to take care of babies emotionally or financially. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jun. 30, 2013 at 5:48 PM

I regret having teen sex.  My dd is 16 and she knows how I feel.  I have told her about the importance of safe sex, however she also knows I do not want her to have sex.

celticwych
by Bronze Member on Jun. 30, 2013 at 5:53 PM

Glad your mom knew what was best :) and stuck to her guns.  I just hate seeing these 16 year old kids with no one tapping them on the shoulder . Even the best kids are still inexperienced in life.

Quoting Anonymous:

I also had a "babysitter" at 16. It was the best thing my mom did for me. Little did she know she was protecting me from a an older boyfriend (20) who was telling me he wanted me to have his baby. Yikes! She saw I was making mistakes that could dramatically change my life and she stepped in. Great parenting!

Quoting celticwych:

 My attitude on this subject is not a popular one.  I am def. not stupid.  I know kids have sex, I did before I was married.  I also did alot of other stupid things that impacted my life my whole entire life.  So, experience has led me to have the attitude I have. 

Once upon a time kids were married, having babies at 15-16 years old and had a life expectancy of 30.  Its 2013 times have changed.  So many kids are given to much freedom and to many choices that regardless of how you want to justify it......they are NOT ready for.  Parents are popping out kids and basically pushing them into a world they are not ready for because its convient for the parent.

Once there 18 we really have no control left.  Up until then.....my house my rules, your my responsibility until that day.  I consider myself pretty open minded PARENT.  I let my kids have room to explore age and maturity appropriate life.  This does not include sexual relationships. Mistakes happen in "the best of homes".   I got preg. with my oldest not in highschool but right after and I was no way shape or form prepared.  Childhood/teenage years are a time of learning, but for the most part in the end "mistakes" are choices we make.  One thing instilled in my girls from the beginning is your responsible for every choice you make.  No excuses, period.

If I dont feel your mature enough to make good choices, you will not be given the opportunity.  Call me a bitch but parents who say "I have to work and I cant be with them 24/7 is NOT an excuse its a choice.  Your responsibility is first and foremost to your children and how they are raised.  Ask my oldest, she went threw a phase at 16 that she had a babysitter. She was choosing to make choices that were not good choices for herself or for the rest of the family. I would support my child and grandchild if need be but I will do what I have to do to ensure that does not happen.  Because....its my responsiblity.  Yup "I ruined her life" at the time, teenagers think in days and not the long term picture lol. At 28 she thanks me now for not letting her REALLY ruin her life. 

 You can be the "cool mom", you can have a great relationship with your kids, you can give them space, leway and let them make choices.  But, in the end even as teenagers they still are not ready to take care of babies emotionally or financially. 



Razzle_Dazzle1
by Platinum Member on Jun. 30, 2013 at 5:58 PM

If my child is 11 or 12 and wanting to have sex, hell yeah he/she would not be having sex, even if I had to keep them locked in their room. I get sick of moms who say shit like "Well, I can't stop her." If you can't exercise more control over your 11 year old you shouldn't be a parent.

16-17 however is a different story. I would push no sex but, if I couldn't sell it, I would take my child to get the pill, give her condoms, do everything I can. If she did happen to get pregnant, I would help her in any way I could. That's what my mother did for me. I also can't stand mothers who force their teens to have abortions or give the baby up or kick them out. My mother was there for me when I got pregnant and, if she wasn't, who knows, maybe I wouldn't be the responsible mother I am now. My mother helped me with the baby while I finished college and still keeps her while I work because she loves spending time with her granddaughter. Now I have a career and I am married and I have a great life.

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