My mom took my child last weekend. She had every reason to but it's so hard. My house was a disaster. Think Hoarders. I have been depressed and just haven't been able to do anything but work and go home. My child was basically confined to his room and playroom because the rest of the house couldn't be walked threw without walking on the furniture or on trash. I was sleeping on the couch surrounded by trash. I couldn't use my kitchen so we had been eating fast food or things I could heat in the microwave. I had no clean plates and we only used plastic dishes and forks. It was horrible. I know it was horrible. I know that if dfs walked into my house my child would've been removed. My mom came over randomly and told me to pack some clothes because she wasn't leaving her grandchild with me. I've been working my ass off with cleaning and the upstairs is looking good. Really good actually. But my garage is still trashed and covered in trash bags because my trash service was cut off. My basement is disgusting because I never used it except for storage and then took trash bags down there which leaked and nice got into. It's horrible.
I haven't had my child here in almost a week. I work full time and have been working on the house every waking moment. I'm even more depressed. I'm overwhelmed. I can't finish this. I just can't. I don't know how to get all this trash out. I feel like shit. I feel like I should just let my mom keep my child and just disappear. I have been a horrible mom and I hate myself for it. I'm so embarrassed by this. Nobody else in my life knows what has been going on. I feel like I could just walk away from it all and disappear and nobody would miss me. I'm a failure of a mom, a failure of a daughter, and a failure as a person in general.